the breastfeeding post

I wanted to record some of my feelings about breastfeeding. I am grateful that I have been able to breastfeed Kevin for such a long time. I am also grateful that in the past few months it has become a much more pleasant experience. Before he was born, I read a couple of books to prepare, and the impression I got from those books was that nursing a baby is supposed to be a peaceful and beautiful experience. Well, I would not describe it as a peaceful experience. Kevin's wild personality just makes that impossible. And I can definitely understand why a lot of people don't want to breastfeed their babies for very long. It can be very draining, and often boring, to be exclusively breastfeeding a small baby, and then when they're bigger it's hard because they want to move and explore while still eating. There were some points where I wondered if I was a bad mom because I wasn't in complete bliss during our feeding sessions. (Next time I'm not going to take all the stuff in those books so seriously.) But I'm grateful that we made it through that period and that now we have reached a point where we can enjoy it and it can be something that strengthens our relationship with each other. Kevin only nurses a few times a day now, and only for a few minutes each time, so it's enough that we still get to bond without me feeling like I'm always nursing him, and he also doesn't depend on nursing to get to sleep. Other than the nutritional value, I think one of the biggest benefits for Kevin has been that it's something that helps him relax and be still[ish] for a couple of minutes, which I think is good for him since the rest of the time he's so busy. He's starting to look more and more like a boy instead of a baby, but when he's nursing I get my baby back for a little while, and that's nice. I am also frequently amazed at the miraculous change that occurs when I start off feeding a grumpy, frustrated child and then suddenly a happy one runs away to play. I don't know how it works, but it's pretty cool.

I guess what I wanted to point out was that I learned that it's not bad if breastfeeding isn't always the beautiful, peaceful, empowering experience that some people describe it as. It's tough sometimes, and even if it's something you love, it's still kind of a sacrifice. But the simple yet precious moments that I have had with Kevin while he nurses have been very special.

Another thing that has been a struggle is that there is a lot of pressure out there about when to wean. In this area, I am grateful for the example of my mother, who didn't care what people thought about how long she breastfed her babies. I think there have been a lot of people who have felt pressure to wean sooner than they wanted to, and I have also known people who felt that others would look down on them for deciding to switch to formula when the baby was only a few months old. I think both cases are unfortunate. Mothering is hard enough without having to worry about that. The bottom line is that it's up to the mother and the baby, and it's nobody else's business, so that's what I intend to keep in mind. As long as we both like it, we don't have to stop. I have never had someone I know give me any pressure either way, and I am grateful for that. I am friends with a really great network of moms who use all kinds of different parenting techniques, and I think they are all really good at being supportive of each other, recognizing that we all have different challenges with parenting, and not passing judgment on each other.