Simplify and do less.

The lesson I have been learning in the last couple of weeks is to simplify and do less. I've been really stressed and busy this semester taking two work-intensive and challenging classes. It's made for a lot of late nights and assignments left undone, and last week it really caught up with me. I decided to start simplifying by giving up couponing. It wasn't a huge time sucker, but I did want the time for other things and it was starting to become a burden. It was quite a relief to cancel my newspaper subscription and offer my coupons to a friend. I still plan to scan the sales ads before I go grocery shopping, because that has saved us a lot of money, but I won't be using thegrocerygame.com to match coupons to the sales like I was.

On Sunday I was contemplating dropping one of my classes. I had stayed up late on Saturday trying to finish a chemistry assignment that I hadn't had time to work on all week because I had so much physics homework and a physics test, and I was frustrated because I wanted to be able to spend time with my children without feeling guilty because I had homework to do. I went to church with the question in mind and a prayer in my heart. I was approaching this by presenting questions to the Lord. It was sort of frustrating when a sweet sister at church told me to enjoy my children, because degrees can wait but children grow up so fast. All I could think was, "I know, and I would love to postpone the degree, but God keeps telling me not to!" I knew that the answer was not dropping out altogether because every time I asked that question the answer was clearly an emphatic no. It was almost like a pair of hands holding me back from taking that path. For most of the other questions I felt like the answer wasn't really clear. Should I stay in both classes? Uhhhh . . . Should I drop physics? Yes-ish. I wasn't really sure if I was getting revelation or if I was just basing it on my own feelings, but I talked about it with Ryan and he told me that he's often found that if you go to God with a question and the answer doesn't seem clear, there's more to it and you should keep asking other questions until you feel like it's clear. (I'm not phrasing that quite right, but it's kind of a hard idea to express in writing.) So I kept pondering and asking.

At the beginning of my physics class on Monday I was understanding the concepts pretty well and felt a lot more confident, but by the end of class we had two more homework assignments due by Wednesday in addition to finishing the lab questions and doing the reading for the next class, and I was feeling completely overwhelmed. I came home and talked through it some more with Ryan, and then I remembered that there is another major in the Geology department and felt like I should look it up. I had a really good feeling about that and I felt pretty impatient as I read Kevin some stories and got him ready for a nap. Finally he was in bed and I had a chance to look up the requirements for the major, which is a BA in Earth Systems. I looked through the list and realized that I already had almost all of the requirements fulfilled and I could probably graduate by the end of the next school year if I switched my major. (Contrast that with my current major where I have about 14 classes left and I was sort of hoping it would magically work out that I would get it all done in the next three years.) And, it doesn't require Physics, so I wouldn't have to feel bad about dropping the class because I don't have to take it. It was amazing to look through the requirements and realize that there were some classes that are required for the Earth Systems major that I had just happened to take even though there were other options that would have worked with the Environmental Geology major.

My only qualm was that I wasn't really sure what I would do with this major if I needed to work, which I guess was a qualm with the old major too. I emailed my adviser and asked to talk with him. He recommended the UNC-BEST program. In that program I could get a bachelor's degree in Earth Systems and also get a teaching license by taking a few more classes. So maybe I've come full circle and I'm going to be a science teacher after all. I haven't really decided about that yet. I do enjoy teaching science, and it's something I could do wherever we end up living if I needed to. But I don't really like taking education classes, and I'm not so sure that the whole student teaching thing would work with two kids at home. And there's also the being in charge of a bunch of teenagers thing. At any rate, it's nice to know that graduation is in my future, whether that involves a teaching license or not.

I feel so blessed for the guidance that I received from Heavenly Father as I went through the process of figuring out what to do. It was really interesting and it strengthened my testimony of personal revelation and helped me to be better at understanding and receiving it. I don't think I realized how stressed and miserable I felt until I decided I was doing too much and I needed to do less. I feel relieved and at peace and happy. We went outside to play and I didn't have to feel that divided feeling of enjoying being outside with the kids but also knowing there was a ton of homework I could be doing. What a blessing that God knows what is best for me and is Keeping my Feet.

Queen Anne

By the looks of things, I'm guessing the interrogation didn't go so well.

(Don't worry--a little super glue and she was fine again. Which is good, because I'm rather fond of this little lady.)

how to feel two opposite emotions at once

I am learning that it is possible to feel both ends of a spectrum of emotions at the same time . . . like one time this week when Kevin was being wild and I had a test to study for and I felt about as stressed as it gets, but at the same time I was feeding Heidi and I felt so peaceful and calm. It was kind of strange.

I have been wanting to read the book Making the "Terrible" Twos Terrific for quite a while, but the library didn't have it. I don't like to buy books unless they're ones I've read and I reread them often, but one day I had an impression that I should buy this book, and I had some Amazon gift card money, so I ordered it, although I wasn't sure when I would find time to read it. After my test on Thursday I decided to give myself a treat and I read a couple of chapters that afternoon. I am so glad I bought it! It has already changed my perspective on what is happening with my two-year-old's mind (and I think the twos started when he was about 12 months old). I think the most helpful thing that the author has pointed out is that you can't really expect to correct a two-year-old's behavior, so you have to do your best to contain it. Of course, it's kind of discouraging to read that because that means that Kevin is going to keep throwing food and climbing out of his crib and hitting his sister and my attempts at correcting those behaviors won't seem very effective for quite a while. But it's also a relief because it means that I don't have to feel bad that nothing seems to work to get him to behave better--i.e. not being able to get him to behave well is not my fault and it's not due to a deficiency in my parenting. Maybe that sounds obvious to some people, and I knew it deep down, but I've also felt a lot of pressure from some sources, even a couple of talks at church, to think that I need to be able to just give my kids The Look to keep them in line, and it was making me kind of depressed. I'll try to post some notes later on when I get some time to read more, but I am so grateful that I took a little time to read the book and get a better perspective. Here are a couple of things that have stuck out to me so far: One of the things he talks about is getting toys that have a lot of play value and foster creativity, and it gave me the idea to give Kevin some of the pots and pans and spoons that I never use so he can play kitchen. I think he'll enjoy that. I also really appreciate that the author states over and over that the most important thing in the family is the marriage, not the children. I know that sounds kind of mean at first, but if you think about it, it makes a lot of sense. If you want a stable family, that will come from the example of the mother and father's stable and loving relationship. Also, self-esteem is earned, not bestowed. Children will have good self-esteem if they learn how to try hard and do their best, because then they will be confident that they can accomplish things through their own effort.

I try to be honest but still positive in my blog posts, which is partly why I share a lot of these inner struggles that I have with mothering. I really don't want to be the mom that has the perfect blog about her perfect life.

I'm figuring out ways to get more homework done. I try to get a little done in the morning before I go to class, and I also try to use naptime wisely. I still don't feel like I am getting as much homework done as I'm supposed to, but I'm sure working hard. Unfortunately, the housework is suffering . . . but Ryan is doing a lot. And he made some heavenly cinnamon rolls with cream cheese frosting this evening. Physics is starting to get better. I am understanding better how to approach the problems. It's still challenging and I get really frustrated, but it also feels good to realize that I'm starting to figure it out. It's interesting to tell Ryan about things I'm learning in Chemistry, like the ideal gas law, and have him respond with, "Yeah, I have that programmed into the code that I'm writing."

I've also figured out how to cook large portions of meat and then use it in my meals throughout the week. I buy the bags of split chicken breasts that have three chicken breasts per bag, or I use a large roast or a big package of beef stew meat. I fry the meat in oil for a few minutes so that the blood starts flowing out, and then I drain all the liquid. I know that extra step sounds tedious, but it really seems to make the flavor better. Next, I put the meat in a big pot, and boil it in a few cups of water with a few teaspoons of bouillon for about two hours until it starts falling apart. Then I can use it the rest of the week for stir frys, tacos, quesadillas, sandwiches, pasta, and so on. I love how tender and flavorful the meat is this way, and I really love not having to thaw meat and cook it every night for dinner. I used to do a lot of chopping and sauteing when I cooked meat, and it just takes a lot of time, but if I boil the meat it's pretty low maintenance.

Kevin and Heidi are still so cute (of course). Kevin has been a lot of fun to play with this week. I really enjoy going with him in his room and just playing with him however he wants. He's been really interested in helping me cook and often asks to "stir stir." Heidi is getting better and better at sucking her thumb, and I just love it when she talks to us with a big smile on her face. She's also very fun to dress up, although she actually seems to really enjoy the freedom of having no clothes on because she always kicks and wiggles in delight when I change her. I really do have awesome children. Even when they're awake.

There.

I feel a little better now that I've updated things.

the younglings

Heidi is two and a half months old. She talks and smiles to me a lot, and it makes me feel like a million bucks. I feel like she already really admires and loves me, and that is both humbling and confidence-building at the same time. She likes to look at me and try to touch my face. She also grabs blankets, burp cloths, and the hems of her dresses and puts them in her mouth. She likes to suck on her fist and is really starting to figure out how to get her thumb in her mouth. Heidi sleeps through the night at least half the time now, and the other nights she wakes up at about 4:00 and then goes back to sleep. What a blessing it has been to have such a good sleeper! Her needs are often sacrificed for the sake of Kevin's need to get outside and run around, but she's such a good sport about it. At the doctor's office last week we found out that she was 11 pounds, 11 ounces. She continues to refuse to drink from a bottle. Whenever we try to offer her a bottle she screams and gags and chokes. I've started just nursing her before I leave for class whether she shows signs of being hungry or not, so maybe that's what will have to happen for a while.

 

Heidi is touching my face in this picture, and Kevin's expression is so cute.

I am learning to be more patient with Kevin. In the past couple of weeks I have been trying to focus on disciplining with love and patience, not with anger, and that has made a big difference. There has been a lot less yelling, and we have been having lots more fun together. When I try to be positive and loving, so many things seem like not such a big deal, and I see things more clearly. We are also settling into more of a routine again, and I think that helps both of us. He's had a lot of adjustments to make lately, and he's also trying to figure out what he should and shouldn't do now that he has developed so much physically. We usually read several books (or the same book over and over and over) before his nap, and now he almost always takes a nap. I was afraid that the crib-climbing meant the end of afternoon naps, but it seems like he realized that he is tired in the afternoon and would rather take a nap. He really is a fun kid. He likes to count and is enjoying learning some letters. He likes to help me put the dishes away and cook dinner. It's cute when he is helping me mix something and we say together, "Stir stir stir! Stir stir stir!" We found a toy vacuum in a bag with a "free" sign on it down on the first floor of the building, and Kevin has really enjoyed having his own "ba-ba." Even if it makes it take longer to clean something, it's still cute that he wants so much to help me around the house. Kevin weighs 32 pounds now. He was really scared to let the nurses at the doctor's office weigh and measure him. He was so upset that we had to give up on measuring his height, but we know he's about as tall as an average three-year-old.

(Ryan says these last two pictures were hard to get!)

a visit from my parents

We had such a good time having my parents here over Labor Day weekend. They hadn't seen Kevin for about a year and a half, so he had changed a lot. I think he warmed up to them pretty quickly and really enjoyed playing with them, and he even knew to call them Grandma and Grandpa. One evening he was lying on the airbed with my mom and playing peek-a-boo, and he was laughing and laughing. It warmed my heart.

On Monday Kevin played outside at the playground with my parents. It was so fun to see my mom sitting with Kevin in the sand trying to help him build a sand castle with a big bucket. In the afternoon we decided to go to the Marbles children's museum, and that was really fun. I wish we had gone several times last summer when it was hot and I was pregnant. We probably didn't even see half of what was in the museum because Kevin was having such a good time at a couple of parts. There was a bus and an ambulance that he played in for a long time (mostly at the steering wheel), and then my mom noticed an area of the museum with a sign that said, "Splash!" and thought it looked fun, so we pried Kevin away from the bus's steering wheel and took him over there. There was a lighthouse with two ditches of water coming out of the bottom and feeding into large basins of water. Kevin had such a good time playing in the water. One of the things he enjoyed was putting a little plastic boat in front of the stream of water and watching it be pushed down to the basin of water. They had plastic aprons to cover the kids so they didn't get very wet. We basically spent most of the time watching Kevin "driving" and playing in the water. My mom gave Kevin lots of creative ideas for how to play in the water. I think my parents had a really good time.

On the way home from the museum it started to rain really hard. I had the windshield wipers on the fastest speed, but I still could barely see the road. It happened so fast and was so heavy that I felt like it was safer to keep driving than to try to pull over somewhere because I could only see enough to get glimpses of the white lines on the road and see the red lights of the cars in front of me. I started to feel really nervous and I said a prayer for protection and help to drive safely. The heavy rain lasted for a little while longer, but I felt more at peace and it never got so bad that I lost those glimpses of the white lines on the road, so I was very grateful.

It was pretty stormy on Tuesday, so we didn't get out of the house. There were a couple of tornado warnings in Orange County, but it's so hilly in our area that tornadoes tend to break up, so we just got heavy wind and rain. I fell asleep, and unintentionally stayed asleep for several hours, in the afternoon and woke up at 5:00 to the sounds of my mom making dinner, which I really appreciated because the missionaries were coming over for dinner at 5:30.

It was sad to have my parents leave again on Wednesday morning. It's hard to live so far away from our parents and not get to see them very often.

Heidi's blessing day

Last Sunday Heidi Ann was given a name and a blessing by Ryan. My parents came for the blessing. It was so special to have them here and to have my dad stand in the circle. My mom brought the dress that my sisters and I were all blessed in as babies, which was crocheted by my grammy. I am so impressed by the talent Grammy had. It's a beautiful piece of work. Heidi was also wrapped in the afghan that was used when my mom was blessed.

Ryan gave Heidi a lovely blessing. For both of my children I have enjoyed and looked forward to their blessings because it was a wonderful opportunity to get some insights into their personalities and the work that they will have to do in God's kingdom. Heidi was alert and content for the blessing, and as Ryan gave Heidi her blessing I kept thinking that what he said made so much sense because that is is exactly what Heidi is like. She is a sweet and beautiful child and brings so much joy to our family. I am so blessed to have her as my daughter.

I usually blog more often than this. This is turning into a really busy and difficult semester . . . even more than I expected. I took Physics when I was in high school and struggled then, but the teacher also wasn't wonderful and I was younger then, so I was sort of hoping I would have a better time of it this time. No such luck. It's getting better, but I'm having a hard time figuring out how to solve the problems, even with Ryan giving me a lot of help. As for chemistry, I'm not finding it to be too difficult, but the homework assignments are incredibly long and I have no idea how I'm going to be able to do all the work that is expected of me for both of these classes. I've been really stressed about it all. I'm used to getting good grades and being the smart one, so it's new and uncomfortable to be struggling like this. I was thinking about that a lot in church today. In some ways I'd really like to withdraw for a while. It would be great to have time to read lots of books and keep my house clean and do some sewing or piano-playing. But I think that eventually I would regret it because I would miss out on the growth in my character that will come from making it through such a difficult challenge, as well as the knowledge that I would have gained. There will be time to do those other things in a different season of my life.

chocolate areado

One of the stories Ryan has told me about from his mission in Argentina is about "chocolate areado." Some company was selling aerated chocolate (i.e. chocolate with bubbles in it) and advertising it as something really amazing, when in reality it was just a way to sell gullible people less chocolate.

Well, we were . . . amused? mystified? to learn today that aerated chocolate has come to the United States in the form of the Hershey's Air Delight bar. In their words, "Your taste buds have never experienced chocolate bubbles like these." So maybe Hershey's has discovered the chocolate air molecule and trapped it in their candy bars . . . or maybe they whipped in a special mixture of 78.09% nitrogen, 20.95 oxygen, 0.93% argon, 0.039% carbon dioxide, and small amounts of other gases. Either way, a regular Hershey's bar is 43 grams, and an Air Delight bar is 40 grams.