Ryan's parents visit (November)

Ryan's parents came and visited us in November and now I am finally getting around to blogging about it. Here are some of the fun things we did:

Ryan's parents stayed the night at our house for the first couple of nights. We didn't have enough room in our car to take them anywhere, but we did go walk around UNC campus for a while and Kevin showed them some of his favorite places (the Dean Dome, the swimming pool, the fountains at the business school, and various sticks and berries that he thought were interesting). Then they moved everything over to Jared and Kristi's house because they had room in their van to take Ann and James to church on Sunday.

On Saturday we went and walked around Duke Gardens, which is always nice. The gardens still looked nice even though it was November. (Ryan gets credit for all the pictures. I always forget to take pictures.)

Cool lily pads

Cousins

After Duke Gardens we decided to go see the gristmill. The first thing Kevin did was turn off the gristmill. I don't know how he does it, but he always knows how to turn things on and off on the first try.

Sunday was church and we went over after naps for dinner.

Monday we went to Old Chapel Hill Road Park. The playground equipment is pretty unique. It has spinning seats, a rope climbing structure, a merry-go-round (different from the ones they had in old playgrounds that could crush kids), a climbing dome, swings, and a little bus. Jared and Ryan probably had as much fun as the kids. I think we forgot the camera that day.

Tuesday we went to Marbles Museum. Ryan wasn't able to come because he was teaching, but everyone helped me with the kids and we had a good time. The kids got tired and we left early to go home and have naps, but everyone else stayed later.

Wednesday we played at Jared and Kristi's house for a while and then went to Bennitt Farm (one of the places where the Confederates surrendered in the Civil War). The buildings are replicas because the originals burned down, but they still have the original chimney. Then we went back to Jared and Kristi's house and played some more and had lunch. After that we had to go home and get the kids down for naps, so we had to say goodbye to Ryan's parents. They went home on Thursday. We don't get to see our families very much because we live so far away, so we always love to have them visit and we miss them when they leave.

Utah trip 2012 part 3

My Aunt Jeanette and Uncle Larry also came to visit and were staying with my parents. We knew it would be a little crowded and decided to ask my grandparents if we could sleep at their house, thinking our kids would sleep better without so many people around. It was nice to get to visit with my grandparents a lot while we were there. My grandma and I looked through her large collection of fabric and she sent a lot home with me--I'm excited to work on some new sewing projects!

On Tuesday my parents were both at work and the kids were at school, so we walked from my grandparents' house to a nearby park.

I think if I'd realized we were going to take pictures I would have put contacts in, but these pictures actually turned out okay. We used the timer and a tripod that Ryan found while cleaning his office at school. So here's proof that our family does exist in the same place at once. Maybe someday I'll get around to having family pictures taken.

On the way home we noticed that somebody had this petrified wood displayed in front of their yard.

Since our fourth anniversary is this Thursday, we had a family home evening lesson about the temple and how our family can be together forever. I told about some of the events that happened that day, and explained that because we were married in the temple, we will be married for all eternity. I also said that means that Kevin and Heidi will be in our family forever. I showed Kevin a picture of the Provo temple where we were married and also one of our wedding pictures. It was a really nice lesson, and I think it touched Kevin.

We are truly blessed to have a temple marriage and to have the ordinances of the gospel in our lives. I am so grateful to have Ryan in my life. He is a very good man. He always forgives me when I lose my temper, he encourages me to push a little harder when I don't even want to get up off the couch, he shares thoughts that increase my understanding and testimony of the gospel, he supports me in the goals that I set for myself, and he is so nice to talk to. He was one of the first guys I had ever met who I could have a meaningful conversation with. We love sharing puns and laughing about them.

Last Thursday we found a babysitter and went to do proxy sealings at the Raleigh temple. It was really nice. There was a man there who had done some of his genealogy and had found the names of several children to be sealed to their parents. We had a feeling that those children were very happy to be sealed to their families. I love my children so much and am so grateful for the reassurance that we are linked to each other forever. Family means so much to me. The family is central to God's plan for us. It's not just a nice side benefit; it's the whole point. God intends for us to be saved with our families.

week in review

(Read this one.)

It's been a nice and busy week! Classes started on Monday for me. I'm taking a history class about the world since 1945 and Earth Systems History, which is a course about the major events (geological and biological) in Earth's history and how we know them. In my history class we are reading seven books this semester, but they look like they're all pretty interesting books. I've already finished the first one, Hiroshima, by John Hershey. It was a really interesting read.

I'm organizing a Relief Society activity where we put together our 72-hour kits. It's taken a bit more work than I expected to plan out the food and figure out how much it would cost and where to get it. There's always the worry that some people won't like the food or they won't like my ideas or whatever else. So I've been reading a lot about it and asking for suggestions. I think sometimes people tend to over-analyze this kind of thing. Yes, it's good to be prepared, but I feel like just having something is a good starting point, even if it's not perfect. It can be kind of overwhelming to see all the ideas and all the things to consider, and for some people that is so daunting that they don't even get to the baby steps because they don't know where to start.

Ryan's brother Jared stayed with us on Tuesday through Thursday. He came to interview for an internship at Duke. We're hoping that he and his family will be moving close by soon! We didn't get to do much since it was a short stay and he mostly had things to do at Duke, but we did have a good time in the evenings and he came with us to have a potluck with our friends the Rasmussens.

On Thursday we got a babysitter and went to the Raleigh temple. It was the first time we've been back since before Heidi was born. It's hard when you have a new baby, and on top of that my temple dress doesn't fit anymore. But really that's no excuse because Heidi's been sleeping through the night for a while and I can borrow a dress from the temple. So I am determined to be better and make it to the temple once a month. I even added the phone number to our phone so I don't have to look it up anymore. Anyway, it was really nice. I felt the Spirit so strongly and gained a lot of insights about the gospel and Jesus Christ. What a blessing it is that I have been able to receive the ordinances of the gospel in the temple, especially the ordinance of being married to Ryan for all eternity. My family is such a wonderful reminder to me of the things that are most important. Knowing that we can be an eternal family helps me to get through times when I get discouraged and gives me greater determination to live righteously.

Heidi is sitting up by herself pretty well now, but I usually stay close by because if she's not concentrating on it she still falls over sometimes. She can get into the sitting position by herself sometimes too. She also surprised us this week by figuring out how to stand up by herself using a crib or chair! So now she keeps using things to stand up but then sometimes she gets stuck or loses her balance and then she's upset. Heidi has always enjoyed having us blow raspberries, and this week she figured out how to blow raspberries herself. It's a very important skill, you know.

Kevin loves this story that has a little bear who bumps his head on the ceiling while riding on his father's shoulders. He calls the story "Ouch." Sometimes he will come ask us to bump his head on the ceiling by saying, "Ouch? Ouch?" He thinks it's really funny.

He also has this thing with holding things. He'll see pictures of things in books and put his hands towards them and say, "Hold her? Hold her?"

Today he and Ryan were playing with mega blocks, and Ryan put the angel from our Little People nativity set on top of a tower. When Kevin saw it he called it a temple! And then he and Ryan built a temple together. I thought that was pretty cool, although I think I probably have to credit his nursery teachers for that one, because although Kevin knows what the temple is, I don't think I've ever pointed out the angel Moroni to him.

visit from Ryan's parents

(Read this one--the other one wasn't finished yet.)

Last Sunday Ryan's parents came to visit us. They stayed until Thursday morning.

On Monday I did homework in the morning, and then we went and looked at the Duke gardens and walked around Duke campus. Ryan's dad took a lot of pictures. Kevin liked seeing the fish, the geese, the turtle, and the blue Heron. We enjoyed looking around the Duke chapel. There was someone in there practicing The Messiah  on the organ, and I just loved it. The organ had a really beautiful sound. Kevin really enjoyed it too. When we went back outside he kept running back inside and saying, "Song? Song?" There were a couple of students nearby who tossed their football around with Kevin for a while. One of them even told Kevin he should go vegan. (We are politely disregarding that advice, as milk is currently one of Kevin's few sources of protein.)

On Tuesday I had class in the morning and Ryan had to help administer a final all afternoon. The rest of us spent the afternoon at Kidzu, a children's museum. The favorite activity was definitely the Gravitron. (You can see a picture of it halfway down this page.) It had a magnetic wall to which you could attach various pipes to make a winding tunnel for balls to roll down. Kevin couldn't get enough of it.

On Wednesday we went to Raleigh and saw the Capitol and the war monuments all around it. Then we went to the Natural History museum. We saw dinosaurs, turtles, snakes, spiders, beetles, fish, crabs, and butterflies. Kevin's favorite exhibit? The escalators, of course. He just wanted to ride them the whole time. After the museum we went to Chick-fil-A and then drove home in a lot of traffic and even more rain. Ryan's parents babysat Heidi and Kevin so Ryan and I could go out for ice cream alone. We had such a nice time just sitting and talking after we finished our ice cream, and I realized we really need to go on dates alone more often.

Ryan's parents left early Thursday morning. It was so nice to have family here to visit! Kevin loved his grandma and grandpa.

On Saturday evening Ryan and I got a babysitter and went to a party held by one of Ryan's advisers. That was the first time I've left Heidi with a babysitter that wasn't family, but she did great, even if I worried the whole time. We had a nice time and it was fun to get to know some of the other people Ryan works with.

Yesterday we had our ward Christmas program in Sacrament meeting. It went really well. We had some really beautiful pieces and the Spirit was very strong. Playing the piano and singing in the ward choir has really strengthened my testimony of Christ this Christmas. Kevin was coughing and had a runny nose, so I ended up bringing him and Heidi home after Sacrament meeting while Ryan stayed and taught in his Primary class.

We've had quite the series of illnesses this fall. I'm definitely getting tired of it. There was the cold I got at the beginning of the semester that spread to my eyes, then a few weeks later the kids had colds, then I got swollen lymph nodes, then Ryan and Kevin had sore throats and fevers, then Kevin had stomach cramps and threw up a couple of times (in the grocery store and the doctor's office--lovely!!), and now the kids have colds again. I am being very consistent about washing hands as soon as we get home, but somehow the germs are still sneaking in. Maybe we should just never leave the house until February? That being said, we have loved the extended fall weather this year! Up until this week it's been the perfect temperature. (Anybody want to move closer?)

a visit from my parents

We had such a good time having my parents here over Labor Day weekend. They hadn't seen Kevin for about a year and a half, so he had changed a lot. I think he warmed up to them pretty quickly and really enjoyed playing with them, and he even knew to call them Grandma and Grandpa. One evening he was lying on the airbed with my mom and playing peek-a-boo, and he was laughing and laughing. It warmed my heart.

On Monday Kevin played outside at the playground with my parents. It was so fun to see my mom sitting with Kevin in the sand trying to help him build a sand castle with a big bucket. In the afternoon we decided to go to the Marbles children's museum, and that was really fun. I wish we had gone several times last summer when it was hot and I was pregnant. We probably didn't even see half of what was in the museum because Kevin was having such a good time at a couple of parts. There was a bus and an ambulance that he played in for a long time (mostly at the steering wheel), and then my mom noticed an area of the museum with a sign that said, "Splash!" and thought it looked fun, so we pried Kevin away from the bus's steering wheel and took him over there. There was a lighthouse with two ditches of water coming out of the bottom and feeding into large basins of water. Kevin had such a good time playing in the water. One of the things he enjoyed was putting a little plastic boat in front of the stream of water and watching it be pushed down to the basin of water. They had plastic aprons to cover the kids so they didn't get very wet. We basically spent most of the time watching Kevin "driving" and playing in the water. My mom gave Kevin lots of creative ideas for how to play in the water. I think my parents had a really good time.

On the way home from the museum it started to rain really hard. I had the windshield wipers on the fastest speed, but I still could barely see the road. It happened so fast and was so heavy that I felt like it was safer to keep driving than to try to pull over somewhere because I could only see enough to get glimpses of the white lines on the road and see the red lights of the cars in front of me. I started to feel really nervous and I said a prayer for protection and help to drive safely. The heavy rain lasted for a little while longer, but I felt more at peace and it never got so bad that I lost those glimpses of the white lines on the road, so I was very grateful.

It was pretty stormy on Tuesday, so we didn't get out of the house. There were a couple of tornado warnings in Orange County, but it's so hilly in our area that tornadoes tend to break up, so we just got heavy wind and rain. I fell asleep, and unintentionally stayed asleep for several hours, in the afternoon and woke up at 5:00 to the sounds of my mom making dinner, which I really appreciated because the missionaries were coming over for dinner at 5:30.

It was sad to have my parents leave again on Wednesday morning. It's hard to live so far away from our parents and not get to see them very often.

highlights of my Utah trip--a travelogue

Last week I took a trip to Utah and had such a great time. My parents are coming to visit us in a few weeks, but I felt like I needed to see my brother and sisters and my grandparents, so I decided to make the trip with a newborn baby by myself. I thought it was so interesting that people were impressed that I was travelling with such a little baby, because I thought it was really easy. Try travelling with Kevin--even when we took him to Utah at about 5 months he was bouncing off the walls. With Heidi all I had to do was feed her and hold her and get her to sleep. I just put her in the Baby Bjorn and that left my hands free for my suitcases (which hook together) and backpack and her car seat.

On the way there I had one long flight to Phoenix and another short one from there to Salt Lake. On the long flight I was very fortunate because I ended up in the same row as another mom with a lap child and another lady, but they asked the lady to move because there are only four oxygen masks per row, so the other mom and I got to share the empty middle seat. The extra space was awesome. I wasn't quite so fortunate on the long stretch of the flight home, though, because the person in front of me reclined her seat (I know, I should have asked her to put it back up). I know plane seats don't recline much, but space is really nice to have when you have a little baby, and it's already pretty cramped on airplanes.

My family picked me up at the airport and took me home. It was so exciting to see them. It was the first time I had been home for a year and a half. On the way home I was really surprised to see that they are still doing construction on I-15! I was also briefly amazed at how expensive gas was there, except then I remembered that gas is actually even more expensive here.

My sister Michelle (16) had stayed home instead of coming to the airport. When she came out of the house to greet us, I started to say, "Hi, Michelle," except then I realized I was looking up at her and I said, "Holy cow, you're taller than me!"

I'm already missing the water. It tasted so good, even when it wasn't very cold. I guess the minerals in the water are different here in NC. I always have to put a lot of ice in it before I like it. What I really miss is the well water we drank at our old house in Idaho.

Elizabeth (my eleven-year-old sister) was so nice to let Heidi and me sleep in her room. Heidi didn't sleep very well the first night for some reason. She kept waking up every couple of hours, and normally she only wakes up once in the middle of the night. She did better the next few nights.

Ellen (my seven-year-old sister) loves Heidi. She loved helping me take care of her, from diaper changes to dressing her to entertaining her during tummy time. She's a natural mother already. She did a good job holding her, and Heidi even slept in her arms a few times. When Heidi took a nice long nap one afternoon, Ellen kept saying that we should check on Heidi again because she might be awake. Everyone enjoyed meeting and holding Heidi. It was great to be able to ask who wanted to hold her whenever I needed a shower or wanted to have both hands to eat.

Ellen holding Heidi--she was so excited that Heidi slept on her.

Most of the time we just spent time at the house talking and spending time together, but we did do some fun things together. On Wednesday we went to the bishop's house and picked apricots, and then we spent the afternoon canning them. We tried making apricot sauce using the strainer, but Ian (my 9-year-old brother) was the only one who liked it. It was like baby food. My grandma also brought over some green beans, which we snapped and canned.

On Thursday I went with my mom and Ian and Ellen to swimming lessons. It was the last day, so they were doing tests and also did some races. Ian and Ellen both had friends who were also taking swimming lessons, and they invited them over to play afterwards. In the afternoon Michelle got a text from Melissa (almost 21) saying that she was on her way home from BYU. When Melissa arrived, she told us about a recipe for Orange Chicken that was really good, and we decided to have it for dinner, so we went to Walmart to get the ingredients.

Heidi has lots of headbands, but most of them are a little too tight and they leave a mark on her head, so I'm afraid they hurt her head. But she has one that is plain pink with no bows that works really well, so while we were at Walmart I bought two packages of little bows that have clips, so now I can clip them onto the plain pink headband, and they look adorable. I could easily have spent $20-30 on clips if I didn't have any self-restraint--but I'm way too cheap to go that far. I'm excited to have lots of little bows to put in her hair. I'm even thinking of going to Michael's to get some supplies for some flower clips . . . except I'm starting school on Tuesday.

On Friday my mom had a job interview for a position as a music teacher at an elementary school. The day after I got home she found out that she got the job! I am so excited for her. While she was at the interview she asked me to make pizza dough so we could have pizza for lunch. Melissa cleaned some things in the kitchen and talked to me while I made the dough.

Friday evening we ate dinner at my grandparents' house. I was really looking forward to my grandparents meeting Heidi, and we had a really nice time. Grandma made roast and potatoes and gravy, my mom made rolls and no-bake cookies, and Elizabeth made homemade brownies that tasted just like they were from a mix (which, in my opinion, is a good thing). My Aunt Maria also came with a couple of her daughters for a while. We had a good time talking. My grandpa said of Heidi: "Well, she's a dandy . . . a keeper, as they say. We haven't had one yet that wasn't."

Dad and Heidi (with Ellen)

Every night I intended to go to bed early, but I always ended up staying up late and talking to Melissa, Michelle, and Elizabeth. The good conversation was worth the lack of sleep, though.

On Saturday I went with Mom, Elizabeth, Ian, and Ellen to Shopko. Elizabeth needed a shirt to go with a jumper she sewed for 4-H, and I was running out of diapers for Heidi. I found some shirts that were on sale that I liked, so Ellen and Elizabeth held Heidi so I could try them on. I'm slowly building up my supply of not-maternity clothes again.

At some point during the day, Ian got wet playing outside in the water. When he came in, he combed his hair with a side part, and a while later Mom saw him looking into the mirror, and saying to himself, "I think I'm pretty handsome!" (He is.) Ian and Dad went together to get haircuts that afternoon. I think it's a fun thing for them to go get hair cuts together.

In the evening we went to a stake party. There were sloppy joes, corn on the cob, salad, and watermelon for dinner, and then there was a talent show and swimming afterwards. The sound system wasn't great, and most people didn't really listen to the singing, but it was still fun to be there as a family and meet some of my parents' friends.

Mom holding Heidi at the stake party

Sunday was church. My parents' ward definitely has a different demographic than our ward. Most of the sisters in Relief Society had already raised their families. In the evening there was a ward ice cream social held down the street from my parents' house. There's a man in the ward who likes to make different kinds of homemade ice cream. Apparently he made bacon-flavored ice cream once--Elizabeth says it's really good. This time there was banana, cherry, and "Barocky road." (The pictures should explain what Barocky Road is--apparently the person who made it got an email with this in the message.)

We took some pictures on Sunday:

Back: Elizabeth, Michelle, Melissa, Me (holding Heidi); Front: Ellen, Ian

All of Mom and Dad's female descendants!

Ian wanted a picture of him holding his cat, Fox. (There's also another cat named Lottie.)

The last night, Ian wanted to sleep in Elizabeth's room with Heidi and I. It reminded me of when he was little and he would come up to my room in the middle of the night and climb into my bed with me.

Monday afternoon was when my plane left, but I wanted to see Ryan's two sisters who live in Utah, so I went to Eliza's house for a few hours that morning. Ryan's mom was there visiting, and Becky came over with some of her kids. I was really glad that I took the time to go see them, and I felt grateful that even though Ryan wasn't there I still felt like I belonged and was part of the family too.

Heidi was excited to be reunited with her Grandma Tanner, who she met for the first time a few days after she was born.

Heidi meeting two of her cousins, Lucy and Henry. (I love Henry's hand on her knee!)

The lady who sat by me from Salt Lake to Chicago Midway was really nice. We ended up talking quite a bit. She told me about her son who was going to boarding school in Provo. Her husband had passed away a few years ago, and her son never really dealt with it, and she felt that the therapy program at this boarding school would help him. She said she has a lot of respect for Mormons and really appreciates the loving and safe environment her son has in Utah. It would be cool if her experience with her son being in boarding school in Provo led to an interest in joining the church.

It was so great to come out of the airport and find Ryan and Kevin waiting for me. I was sad to leave my family in Utah, but I had really missed Ryan and Kevin. It actually took me a second to recognize Kevin because for some reason I was expecting a smaller version of Ian. Kevin was really excited to see me, and he also was happy to see that the baby was back (so he does like her!). He wanted me to put Heidi right in his lap in the car seat.

Heidi had a couple of victories while we were in Utah. I got her to take a bottle for a full feeding twice while I was there, which means she'll still be able to eat while I go to class. Maybe I can even consider going to the temple sometime soon. I had been starting to worry because we had tried several times to give her a bottle and she would only take about an ounce under protest, but now I think it will be okay with a little more practice. The other victory was that one time she found her thumb and sucked it until she fell back asleep. I caught it on camera. I know that if she becomes a thumb sucker we'll have to deal with giving it up at some point, but she wants so badly to find it that I still feel happy for her. She hasn't found her thumb again since, but I often find her staring at her fists, trying very hard to figure out how to get one in her mouth instead of whacking her eye.

And that's about it. I've been back since Tuesday and I'm still trying to get unpacked. My mom and I got out a lot of my old dresses that I wore when I was a baby, and they still look really nice, so it will be fun to dress Heidi in them. I'm pretty sure there aren't enough Sundays for Heidi to wear all of her dresses.

nice family home evening

On Monday we had a really nice family home evening. I used some of the pictures from the gospel art book to tell the story of when Christ came to the Americas. Kevin was very quiet and still and paid attention to the pictures. He was especially interested in the picture of Christ with the children surrounded by angels. I looked at his face and knew that he could feel the Spirit telling him this was true. It was a very special moment for Ryan and me. Kevin doesn't generally show much interest in family home evening, scripture study, prayer, and such, but he does recognize that we do it consistently, and every once in a while he really pays attention and gets a lot out of it. Those times make it all worthwhile.

On Tuesday night we found out that our niece, Allison, passed away after being hit by a car while she was riding her bike. It came as quite a shock, and all of us are feeling very sad about it. It's hard to believe it. You never expect that kind of thing to happen. Even though our families are spread throughout the country, I think we all still feel each other's love and support for each other, and especially for Allison's family. I've been doing a lot of pondering about the Atonement of Jesus Christ since we heard the news. I thought about what Elder Oaks said in his talk in General Conference in May. When we heard that she had been in the accident, I know all of us had enough faith that God could heal her. But for some reason that wasn't what was supposed to happen. Sometimes we have to suffer in this life, because if it was all happy and easy we wouldn't be able to learn and grow from our trials and sorrows. I thought about Alma 40:11: "the spirits of all men, as soon as they are departed from this mortal body . . . are taken home to that God who gave them life." Allison's parents were married in the temple and their family is sealed together, and I know that one day they will be reunited with her, never more to part. And I know that Christ has the power to raise Allison from the dead through resurrection, and that one day he will do it. I know that Christ loves Allison, and all of us. That is why he suffered in Gethsemane, and that is why he died and was resurrected--because he loved us so much that he was willing to make that sacrifice so that we would have repentance and forgiveness available to us and so that we could all be resurrected. I have no doubt that these things are true. It makes a lot of things seem much less important when you remember what this life is really about, and what we have the potential to become.

It used to be that when Kevin put food into his mouth and some of it got stuck on his face or lips, he would use the back of his hand to push it in. But recently he has figured out how to use his lips or his tongue to get it in instead of his hand. Kind of a little thing, but for some reason it stuck out to me. It's fun to see him learn new skills.

We went to a consignment sale a couple of weeks ago and found some stuff. They are solving some of my most challenging problems. For example, we found one of those plastic boxes with a lid that you can put in your dishwasher to hold little things that tend to fly all over while it's running. $1. And we found a booster seat with a tray that actually fits in my kitchen sink. $4. And we found a toy that makes annoying noises and sings annoying children's songs. $2. (I don't love the annoying noise-making toys, but Kevin had to have something to satisfy the underlying need to make things beep.)

Recently I introduced Kevin to the world of coloring with crayons. He still thinks my favorite mechanical pencil is better, but he still enjoys the crayons. He also enjoys biting them, unfortunately. I was actually surprised at how long it took for him to start scraping his teeth on them, but it did happen (and hasn't stopped since), so you don't have to worry that he's not a normal child. Here's his first crayon drawing:

Kevin also reaches for the balloons every time we go to Kroger, and he's very disappointed when we don't get one. I keep forgetting to get him one of the free ones from Harris Teeter. He was also very determined to get a Starbucks gift card the other day.

Here's a cute video:

I think that was a piece of chicken that he put in his mouth when he made a face. He cannot stand chicken. Even when I was pregnant he hated chicken. (I had food aversions to poultry for pretty much the entire pregnancy). He also cannot stand bananas, which is unfortunate since they are so nutritious and cheap.

Here are a couple of cute pictures taken at about the same time as the video:

He is really growing up. I can't believe how much older he looks in these pictures.

Today our ward had the primary program. The children sang the new song that they've been learning this year, I Know that My Savior Loves Me. I had a wonderful feeling as they sang, and I thought, "This is what I want for Kevin. I want him to know this and understand this. This is why I want to be a mother."

On Friday I spoke with an Asian girl who was riding the same bus home as I was. Kevin had been waving at her, and she said he was really cute. Then after that she told me that she wants to have a baby (she's married--I saw her waving goodbye to her husband before she got on the bus and they are such a cute couple). I almost felt tears in my eyes as I told her that I love being a mom and that having a baby was the best thing I ever did. I don't really know if it was really a missionary moment since I didn't tell her where I go to church, but it was still really neat to get to bear my testimony of motherhood to somebody. I feel like what I said really touched her.

sorry, no fancy cake pictures

Ryan's family is very talented. One of the talents that at least a few of them have is decorating cakes. I remember before we got married, RT's oldest sister invited us to her son's birthday party, and she started telling me about the fire truck cake she was making. It was really cute. I was a little intimidated by her creativity, and I wondered, "Are they going to shun me when they find out that I can't do that?" Well, I quickly learned that they are also all incredibly nice, and they're not the sort of people that think less of someone just because they don't make creative and fancy birthday cakes for their kids. I know that I could probably learn some basic cake decorating techniques and make cute cakes like that, but right now I'm a little more interested in investing my time elsewhere. So that is why I haven't posted a picture of a cute birthday cake. There wasn't one. And I appreciate that I don't have to feel bad about that.

on the Idaho Spud

First of all, I must apologize to my mom for writing this about the Idaho Spud. She used to tell us she had a treat ("What is it?" "It's a secret . . . " ) if we would clear our places after dinner and then go put on our pajamas, and then she would come out with a case of Idaho Spuds. I think she was really excited at the thought of that case of Idaho Spuds under her bed that she had bought to share together as a family. And it was fun to sit at the dinner table wearing enormous T-shirts for pajamas and eat Idaho Spuds before we went to bed. I cherish those memories of the old house in Kimberly. Thanks for the treats, Mom. I really do appreciate the many times you bought secret treats for us and we enjoyed them together. (They weren't always Idaho Spuds--for example, I distinctly remember feeling very excited one time when several Hershey's Cookies 'N' Cream candy bars were revealed, and there were many other yummy treats.)

What is an Idaho Spud? It's kind of a candy bar. The center is chocolate "marshmallow," and the "marshmallow" is covered in chocolate, which has coconut sprinkled all over it. Idaho Spuds look kind of like a potato--hence the name.

The reason marshmallow has quotation marks around it is because, in the words of Candy Addict, the marshmallow is very slimy. That is why I didn't really like Idaho Spuds. The texture of the "marshmallow" just didn't really appeal to me. Other than that, they were fine. Then again, I guess I'm not terribly fond of marshmallows in general, unless they're melted (NOT burned) and put on a s'more.

I think there are a lot of people out there who love the Idaho Spud for sentimental reasons. It's a really old, classic candy. There's something about them that makes you think about all the things you like and miss about Idaho. It does that for me too. The thought of that brown wrapper brings back images of Shoshone Falls, sagebrush, Grocery Outlet, fields, our long gravel driveway, ditches, tractors, wind whipping my hair and the trees, and more. So if you like Idaho Spuds, I can understand and respect that. Some people like the taste, and of course not all candy has the ability to take you back in time like Idaho Spuds. But I probably will not be buying any next time I go back to Idaho.

So are the loyal Idahoans going to come lynch me now?

why I am a mother

I begin to hear squeals of glee coming from the other bedroom. That's my cue to get ready to go get the baby out of his crib . . . and to mentally prepare myself for the last run before either Daddy gets home or Kevin goes to bed. Kevin is excited to see me, not so excited that he has to stay on his back (a very confining position because you can't go anywhere) while I change his diaper. I decide to give Kevin some dinner. I made some brown rice for lunch and give him some of that with some baby food. I end up mixing sweet potatoes and beef with the rice. Yes, an odd combination, but he's had much stranger. I think he may end up being one of those people who loves strange combinations of food (maybe even green beans dipped in mayonnaise, eh, Ryan?). About three bites in, Kevin manages to grab the spoon without me expecting it, and a giant plop of pureed sweet potato lands on my khaki colored capris. Nice. And no, despite my best intentions, I never do get around to changing. Frustrated, I carefully stand up, hoping very hard that none of it gets on my awesome new white shirt. I return with a towel from the kitchen to wipe up most of the plop and leave the towel on my lap. I also grab another spoon so that Kevin can keep the one he swiped. Kevin tries to put his spoon in the bowl, but just as I start getting excited that he might be showing interest in figuring out the whole spoon-feeding thing, he decides to put the entire other hand in the bowl, wave it around in the air a bit, then lick his hand violently. I sigh, relieved that the bowl didn't get tipped over. Kevin continues to eat, and I put bits of rice on his high chair tray to keep him entertained while I continue to spoon-feed him. Occasionally Kevin tries to grab the towel, but at most feedings it's my pants instead, so I'm happy. (except that there's already a nice orange stain on my pants!) By this time I'm up to my elbows in orange baby food, but I'm used to that. He's done with all the food, so I pause to take a picture of the carnage, because this was a slightly-messier-than-usual feeding. The pictures just don't do it justice.

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By the time I put the camera down, Kevin has climbed from the high chair onto the table. I stare at him, wondering how I'm ever going to get him clean, and decide it will have to be done in the bathroom. His legs, arms, face, and clothes are covered in food. I carry him with my arms straight out in front of me to avoid too much contact before I take off his clothes and wipe him down, struggling the entire time to keep the plunger and toilet brush out of his reach. We go get a new outfit, and in the process of dressing him, I realize there's still a dried orange blob on one side of his nose. No, it's not worth washing off. By this time I'm already thoroughly frazzled, but I've still got to clean up the area around his high chair because he wants to eat everything he dropped on the floor, and I'm not keen on the idea of sweet potato and rice on his nice clean clothes. While I clean up, Kevin alternates between trying to get between my legs to the mess and playing with the dirty recycling box in the kitchen. I make an impromptu gate in the doorway to the kitchen using a chair laid on its side and try a few times to distract him with toys. Toys, of course, are never as fun as things you are not supposed to have. I decide it's high time the trash and recycling get taken out, so I put Kevin in the stroller and tie the garbage bags to the handles of the stroller. When we get back, the apartment is messier than I remembered. That's disappointing.

After I wrote all this, I thought, Based on this description of motherhood, it would make no sense to have kids. I guess that's one reason why a lot of people these days are opting to not have children. But there's a lot more to it than the messes and frustrations. For one thing, there are all the cute faces and sounds he makes, and there's his adorable lightning-fast army crawl that's so fun to watch, and there are all the sweet gestures he makes to indicate that he loves me and wants my attention and love. It's fun to watch him develop, learn, discover, and practice. I look forward to the things I will have the opportunity to teach him, and the tender moments when he shares his testimony with me.

But I think that one of the most significant reasons that I, and other Latter-Day Saints, have children, is that through modern revelation, we have seen a small glimpse of our amazing eternal potential. We realize that in the eternal scheme of things, our responsibilities as mothers do not cease. They increase, and so do the joys that come with it. Many of the things that we enjoy now will not last beyond this life, and even in this life they are not as rewarding as joys that have an eternal nature. But motherhood is rewarding now, and will continue to bring us joy throughout all eternity. So I try to think of motherhood on earth as a chance to practice, and I gain strength from remembering the eternal implications of what I am doing. I am raising a future missionary, a future husband, a future father, a future exalted being. And in the process, I would say that in some ways he is raising me, by teaching me patience, faith, how to manage my time and resources, and the true meaning of love and service. Motherhood is building my character, preparing me for the even greater responsibilities that I will one day have after I have returned to God, giving me opportunities to grow so that I will be the kind of person that is fit for the kingdom of God. That's something I have to try to remember when I'm washing off sweet potato hand prints.

And I think this entire story (all true) is hilarious. Someday, this blog is going to be printed in a photo book, and when Kevin brings his girlfriends home to meet his family, I think I might just leave the book on the coffee table, open to this page. I'm hoping that by that point he will have a clean face.

on graduating

Well, it's happened. A ton of my friends from my freshman year at BYU are posting statuses such as "I am a college graduate!" on Facebook. Four years ago I thought that would be me right now. And instead, I'm looking at about three more years of school before I graduate, and not from BYU. But you know, I'm glad it worked out this way. My plan wasn't nearly as good as the one God had in mind. No way would I trade this for a degree:

bad people/monsters in our house

Last night I had a dream about Gollum (from the Lord of the Rings). I don't remember much except that he was in my grandparents' old house and trying to bite me or strangle me or something and I had to keep biting his fingers to protect myself. At some point I woke up. It was about 3:00 in the morning. I knew perfectly well that all in the apartment was probably safe, but I still had to walk around the apartment and make sure there was no Gollum or other people with bad intentions hanging around, especially in my baby's bedroom. It makes me feel kind of silly, but it's like a natural instinct. If I wake up in the middle of the night I have to go check on K and peek behind the shower curtain to make sure nothing will hurt my family and K hasn't taken his last breath while I wasn't around. I can't get back to sleep unless I do it.

my testimony of some gospel principles

I have been thinking today about what a blessing it is to have a child in my life. I think what prompted it was that I was listening to some songs about Emma Smith. I have always had great admiration for her because she stood by Joseph through all of the afflictions they had with so much faith, and even though she was suffering greatly she worked side-by-side with Joseph to strengthen and serve members of the church. I thought about the grief she must have felt as she lost so many of her children. I don't really know how I would respond in her case, but I hope that I would draw close to RT and to the Lord. I hope that my testimony of the plan of salvation, eternal families, the resurrection, Jesus Christ, and the other principles of the gospel would be strong enough to endure such a trial faithfully and patiently. I felt a witness today that families sealed together by the priesthood can be together forever, that God's children are precious to Him, that all children who die before they have arrived at the age of accountability are saved in the Celestial Kingdom, that one day we will all be resurrected, and that our time on this earth is precious and must be used wisely. I certainly would not wish to have to deal with the death of a loved one, but I am grateful for the doctrines that have been restored to the earth that would reassure me in that situation--that have already reassured me when people I love have moved on to the spirit world.

I was grateful for the reminder that I need to be using my time for the most important things. I have really been enjoying spending time with K lately. I love his smiles that tell me that he loves, trusts, and admires me. I love making him laugh and watching him learn, explore, and grow. And as much as I hate hearing him cry, I am at least grateful that those cries mean that he wants me to hold him, talk to him, and give him attention. He really likes me! (What a boost for my self-esteem!) I hope that when I am old I will not look back on these years with significant regrets. I am analyzing the things I am doing to fill my time, and in many areas I am falling short of what I know I should be, but Christ made it possible for me to repent of my shortcomings and make a new start.

I really appreciate the gift of the Holy Ghost. I love that I can have these experiences where he teaches me principles of the gospel and helps me see what areas of my life I can improve upon--and often helps me think of specific steps I can take to do better. These are experiences that enable me to get to know my Father in Heaven and that help me to make progress in my journey to return to Him.

Feeling family-sick

Yes, these are all my siblings. The youngest is five years old, and I am the oldest (it's also starting to look like I will be the shortest someday). I've been really missing these beautiful people today. It's been a long time since we have seen each other.

One thing I love about my brother and sisters is that our friendship is not going to pass away with time like so many of my great friendships do. There's a special bond because we are a family, and even though eventually all of us will have moved away from our parents and possibly spread throughout the country, we will always be trying to make time to see each other and stay in contact with each other. I know that many people in our society are trying to get out the idea that there are lots of different kinds of families, but you really can't call just any group of people a family, even if they care very much for each other. There are lots of special relationships that we can have with people (and we definitely should develop those friendships too!), but what can compare with being an eternal family?