I didn't love this book. I guess it was okay, and it had some interesting themes, but I thought I would love it because it's a classic and my entire life I've heard people talk about how good it is. You can read a summary of the plot on Wikipedia, and that will be enough--all that Wikipedia is missing is the boring stuff. It was a really boring book. You do not need to spend two pages describing things like beams of light and branches on trees (okay, a little exaggeration, but seriously, the description got excessive too often). It did have some interesting themes and literary devices, and I enjoyed that, but it wasn't enough to make me enjoy the book.
I think the main thing that I felt was lacking in the book was an explanation of what true repentance is. If you have committed a sin, even if it's adultery, you don't have to be tormented by guilt for the rest of your life. That's not repentance. If Hester and Mr. Dimmesdale had confessed their sins and repented and never done it again, that would be enough, but for some reason everyone in the book seems to think that they can never be forgiven unless they suffer for the rest of their lives, and then maybe, just maybe, if they've suffered a lot, that might be enough for them to go to Heaven. I was really annoyed about the beggars who would scorn Hester even as she generously shared most of what she earned with them. And I was also really annoyed that there was a scarlet letter A put on the tombstone that was shared by Hester and Mr. Dimmesdale. Let it go, people. Maybe it's because I have been a member of the LDS church my entire life, but I just can't understand how people could think that people like Hester and Mr. Dimmesdale can't be forgiven or that they have to suffer and be tormented as part of their penance. That's what Christ came here for! His grace is a free gift--we don't have to suffer like He suffered if we repent, and if we repent our sins are forgiven and are not remembered anymore. I know that those doctrines are clarified in the Doctrine and Covenants, but they are also in the Bible, such as in the story of the adulterous woman who was told by Jesus to go and sin no more. So it was really disappointing to get to the ending and find that they still did not come to a point where they felt that they had been forgiven, and that even in death they were still labeled as adulterers.
P.S. And Mr. Dimmesdale, no offense, but confessing your sin just before you die is not cool.
Monday, May 31, 2010
Sunday, May 30, 2010
sprouted lentils
A few months ago, I did a Relief Society class about beans. I've been working on perfecting my notes from the class so that I can share them with the sisters in my ward--it's been a slow process because Calculus kept me so busy, but I'm almost done. Well, one person asked about sprouting beans, so I read a little bit about it and figured maybe I should try it out. So, I went through the process of sprouting them, and here's what I ended up with:
Lo and behold, it worked. This was originally a half cup of lentils, and I had to pry them out of the jar with a spoon to get them out today. I let the sprouts grow a little longer than I was supposed to (you're supposed to wait until the sprout is as long as the bean), but I didn't know what to do with them, so I kept rinsing them and letting them sprout for another day or so.
So now the question is, what do I do with my sprouts?
Lo and behold, it worked. This was originally a half cup of lentils, and I had to pry them out of the jar with a spoon to get them out today. I let the sprouts grow a little longer than I was supposed to (you're supposed to wait until the sprout is as long as the bean), but I didn't know what to do with them, so I kept rinsing them and letting them sprout for another day or so.
So now the question is, what do I do with my sprouts?
Saturday, May 29, 2010
on getting old
I know some people are going to laugh at me for that post title because I'm only 22, but let me tell you, I think I'm feeling the effects of aging. When I was a teenager, I could eat all sorts of junk food without feeling sick, I slept really well at night, and I had a ton more energy. I didn't have to think too hard about what I ate or if I had exercised, and I still maintained a fairly decent weight and was pretty healthy. I wasn't living on fast food or junk food by any means--we rarely ate out and my mom didn't buy junk food very often, and we always had a homemade dinner together as a family. Now that I'm older, and especially since Kevin was born, it's been a little different. I don't always sleep well or wake up feeling rested, and even a handful of crackers is sometimes enough to make me not feel good. I don't have as much energy as I used to, and my eating habits and my activity level have a lot more to do with my emotional state as well. There's also some disappointing fat on the sides of my waist that I never had a problem with before (thanks, Kevin--you were worth it!). What I'm having to realize is that I'm going to have to do a better job of taking care of my body now, and if there's something I'm not satisfied with, I have to take matters into my own hands and get moving. I guess it's just been kind of an eye opener that being healthy is hard work, and it's been hard to remind myself that I'm still recovering from pregnancy. And sometimes I wonder if it's even worth it to try when I'll probably get pregnant again just as I start feeling like I'm making progress! (Yes, I know it's better to try, but still . . . )
museum of natural sciences
There's a pretty cool museum of natural sciences nearby (always free) that we decided to go visit last Saturday (when parking is free). It's a really nice museum. We were really impressed.
Bones of whales (real) (huge):
Giant sloth (parts of it real) (also big):
Some balls of different types of granite:
As a side note, near these balls of granite, there was a little display case with some different things that grow in this state. There was some cotton, some tobacco, and some piles of oats, wheat, and rye. It occurred to me that many people coming to the museum don't even know what wheat looks like, and I have a whole bucket full of it in my coat closet.
There were several interesting gem displays, which we enjoyed spending some time looking at. Many of the displays would have some samples of the uncut gem next to some samples of the gem after it's been cut.
There was a nice butterfly room where you could walk in and have the butterflies flying all around you.
After we went through the museum, we thought we'd stop and look at the capital building, which is right across the street.
We keep a stash of Cheerios in the stroller.
On our way home, we stopped for ice cream at Coldstone (because we had a coupon). We don't do things like that very often, but it was fun.
And this was the view from our window about two minutes after we got inside our apartment:
It was pouring really hard! We were glad that Kevin had started begging to go home, or we would have been caught in it.
Bones of whales (real) (huge):
Giant sloth (parts of it real) (also big):
Some balls of different types of granite:
As a side note, near these balls of granite, there was a little display case with some different things that grow in this state. There was some cotton, some tobacco, and some piles of oats, wheat, and rye. It occurred to me that many people coming to the museum don't even know what wheat looks like, and I have a whole bucket full of it in my coat closet.
There were several interesting gem displays, which we enjoyed spending some time looking at. Many of the displays would have some samples of the uncut gem next to some samples of the gem after it's been cut.
There was a nice butterfly room where you could walk in and have the butterflies flying all around you.
After we went through the museum, we thought we'd stop and look at the capital building, which is right across the street.
We keep a stash of Cheerios in the stroller.
On our way home, we stopped for ice cream at Coldstone (because we had a coupon). We don't do things like that very often, but it was fun.
And this was the view from our window about two minutes after we got inside our apartment:
It was pouring really hard! We were glad that Kevin had started begging to go home, or we would have been caught in it.
Friday, May 28, 2010
playing outside
The other day, it was about time for K's nap, but he was pretty wired, so we thought we'd take him outside for a little while to help him use up some energy. We love to be outside.
Sucking his thumb and not being insanely active . . . must be tired. It worked!
Sucking his thumb and not being insanely active . . . must be tired. It worked!
botanical gardens
We decided to go see the botanical gardens. Here are some nice pictures that RT took.
We love these carnivorous pitcher plants. They're pretty cool. When bugs go into the "pitcher" part, the get stuck in some sticky fluid inside and can't get out.
An interesting piece of wood.
Sunday, May 23, 2010
qualifier results
Ryan just received an email that said he passed his qualifying exam. We are really excited!
Friday, May 21, 2010
Look what I made last night.
Before K was born I started making some washable changing pads (which I also posted about here). I had one more left to do, but Kevin was born and I never got around to finishing it. Ten months later, I finally did it. It was a lot easier to make it without having to maneuver around a large belly. I think it turned out to be pretty cute.
I have also been intending to make a wet bag for our diapers. We have been using an old pillowcase, but it doesn't quite fit around the top of the diaper trash can, so we were hooking it around three of the corners, which was getting a little annoying because it would fall sometimes. This is much better.
I have also been intending to make a wet bag for our diapers. We have been using an old pillowcase, but it doesn't quite fit around the top of the diaper trash can, so we were hooking it around three of the corners, which was getting a little annoying because it would fall sometimes. This is much better.
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
spiritual cycles
We were talking in Sunday School about the pride cycle or the Nephite cycle. You know--you live righteously, you are blessed and prosper, you forget the Lord because things are going so well and start to get prideful, you become wicked, you stop prospering and things get sad, you become humble and start to live righteously, you are blessed and prosper, and so on. I've actually been thinking a little bit about this cycle lately, so I made a comment. I was thinking about things like girl's camp and EFY. Maybe girl's camp is different in other wards and stakes, but in my stake they did a great job of focusing on building testimonies. We had some great firesides in the evenings that made me feel the spirit really strongly. I think EFY is a similar thing (I never actually went, nor did I have a desire to . . . but that's a different subject). There are lots of firesides and things like that where the kids feel the spirit really strongly and go home on a spiritual high. I'm not saying things like that aren't good--I think it is good to have really powerful spiritual experiences. The thing is, we can't build our testimonies on just those. I knew people who came to girl's camp and bore their testimonies in the testimony meeting, saying they were going to change and be better people because they had felt the spirit so strongly while they had been at girl's camp, but then once we were back home it didn't take too long for them to revert to their old ways of too-short shorts and tight shirts, swearing, dating even though they weren't 16 yet, and so on. They weren't committing major sins, but they weren't keeping the standards laid out in the For Strength of Youth pamphlet, the scriptures, and the words of living prophets. The extreme spiritual highs weren't enough to help them progress, to move forward and upward spiritually. If we want to more forward on our spiritual journey, we have to be consistent. We have to do the daily, habitual things that give us small spiritual experiences every day--read the scriptures, go home/visiting teaching, pray, fulfill our callings, and also frequently analyze our actions, determine where we can improve, and take steps to actually move forward. If we consistently do these things, we will have frequent spiritual experiences--not spectacular girl's camp experiences, but small experiences that gradually build on each other and strengthen us.
Think about the parable of the sower (found in Matthew 13): "Some fell upon stony places, where they had not much earth: and forthwith they sprung up, because they had no deepness of earth: And when the sun was up, they were scorched; and because they had no root, they withered away" (verses 5 and 6). I think these seeds represent people who rely only upon extreme spiritual experiences. They spring up really fast because they are on a spiritual high, but then temptations and trials come and they don't endure because their testimonies don't have strong, deep roots, which must be built up through small and simple daily spiritual experiences.
This diagram is meant to sort of demonstrate what I was trying to say. It's pretty simplistic and doesn't demonstrate everything about our spirituality, but I think it might help. The big circle represents the cycle we follow if we are relying on only the extreme spiritual experiences. The highs are really high, but on average we stay on a lower level of spirituality. The small circle is more like the cycle we might follow if we are being consistently righteous and having frequent, simple spiritual experiences in addition to the spiritual highs. If we are consistently striving to obey God, there are always things that help bring us back when our spirituality starts to slip, so in general we don't sink very low, and we don't stray as far from the high points in our spiritual cycle. In addition, if we are consistent, the cycle gradually starts to rise. When we start to fall, we catch ourselves and eventually we don't fall as low as we used to, and the spiritual highs also begin to be higher. This is how we progress in our spiritual journey. As we practice being righteous and in tune with the spirit, we get better at it and our average level of spirituality is higher. Ultimately, we have the potential to become like our Heavenly Father.
I would love to hear people thoughts on this subject. How have small and simple spiritual experiences blessed your life, and what do you do to have them consistently and frequently?
Think about the parable of the sower (found in Matthew 13): "Some fell upon stony places, where they had not much earth: and forthwith they sprung up, because they had no deepness of earth: And when the sun was up, they were scorched; and because they had no root, they withered away" (verses 5 and 6). I think these seeds represent people who rely only upon extreme spiritual experiences. They spring up really fast because they are on a spiritual high, but then temptations and trials come and they don't endure because their testimonies don't have strong, deep roots, which must be built up through small and simple daily spiritual experiences.
This diagram is meant to sort of demonstrate what I was trying to say. It's pretty simplistic and doesn't demonstrate everything about our spirituality, but I think it might help. The big circle represents the cycle we follow if we are relying on only the extreme spiritual experiences. The highs are really high, but on average we stay on a lower level of spirituality. The small circle is more like the cycle we might follow if we are being consistently righteous and having frequent, simple spiritual experiences in addition to the spiritual highs. If we are consistently striving to obey God, there are always things that help bring us back when our spirituality starts to slip, so in general we don't sink very low, and we don't stray as far from the high points in our spiritual cycle. In addition, if we are consistent, the cycle gradually starts to rise. When we start to fall, we catch ourselves and eventually we don't fall as low as we used to, and the spiritual highs also begin to be higher. This is how we progress in our spiritual journey. As we practice being righteous and in tune with the spirit, we get better at it and our average level of spirituality is higher. Ultimately, we have the potential to become like our Heavenly Father.
I would love to hear people thoughts on this subject. How have small and simple spiritual experiences blessed your life, and what do you do to have them consistently and frequently?
one little Indian
This week K figured out a new trick. I've been working with him on this one for a couple of months. I don't know what it's called, but he learned how to make a continuous noise with his mouth (Aaaaaah) and then disrupt the sound by bouncing his wrist against his mouth (like the Indians do in the movies). Before, I would show him how to do it and I also would bounce my hand on his mouth, and he understood that if I did that he should make a sound, but now he knows how to do it with his own hand. I thought it was interesting because he didn't understand how to do it the first time around, or even the second or third or fiftieth. It took him a couple of months of me showing him how to do it before he figured out the concept. I guess that makes sense, but I guess it didn't occur to me that it would take that long. On Sunday he was doing it during sacrament meeting. It was pretty cute. He's also starting to figure out how to clap, but it's a similar situation. I've been showing him how to do it for a couple of months, by clapping my hands for him and also holding his hands and clapping them together. Now if I clap a few times he will grab one of my hands and push it to hit the other one. The other day I also saw him clap his own hands a couple of times, but I wasn't sure if he was actually trying to clap, and he hasn't done it since. We had a relief society meeting about using baby signs, and one of the things we learned was that you can start teaching babies a couple of signs at 6-7 months, and they will start doing the sign themselves at 8-9 months--so it takes about two months of you doing the sign consistently before they start doing the sign themselves. After I learned that and then finally saw Kevin make the Indian sound after two months of working on it, it made more sense that it took so long for him to figure out something that seemed so simple to me. Maybe everyone else knew that, but somehow I missed the memo that said that it can take two months of consistent teaching before a baby figures something out.
And yes, we have started to do a few signs with Kevin. The main ones I've been doing are "more" and "nurse/milk," and as he gets older I will start to teach him some more. I think it will be fun and really helpful for him to be able to communicate with us before he can pronounce words. I think he may already be starting to recognize that I'm making those two signs to mean certain things, but I think it will still be a while before he makes them himself. I'm hoping that learning to sign "more" will help him be a little more patient when he's eating--or at least give him a little more time to swallow before attempting to shove more in!
K is also up to about 50% real crawling, 50% army crawling, and the real crawling is increasing every day. It's not as fast to crawl for real (yet), so his default is still army crawling, but it seems like he's starting to realize that it's a little nicer to do a real crawl since you aren't rubbing against the ground as much. He's been doing the army crawl since before Christmas. It seems like most of my friends' babies did the army crawl for just a little while before moving on to crawling for real, so it's been interesting to see him stick with it for so long. I think he just got so fast that there wasn't any need to move on.
The other day I was filling up the flour canister (we buy big bags of flour from Costco and keep it in a bucket in the closet by the front door, and then I just fill up the flour canister as needed), and Kevin thought he would come over and help. Before I knew it, he had put it in his mouth. (When exploring something new, it is very important to find out what it tastes like and what it feels like to lick it.)
And yes, we have started to do a few signs with Kevin. The main ones I've been doing are "more" and "nurse/milk," and as he gets older I will start to teach him some more. I think it will be fun and really helpful for him to be able to communicate with us before he can pronounce words. I think he may already be starting to recognize that I'm making those two signs to mean certain things, but I think it will still be a while before he makes them himself. I'm hoping that learning to sign "more" will help him be a little more patient when he's eating--or at least give him a little more time to swallow before attempting to shove more in!
K is also up to about 50% real crawling, 50% army crawling, and the real crawling is increasing every day. It's not as fast to crawl for real (yet), so his default is still army crawling, but it seems like he's starting to realize that it's a little nicer to do a real crawl since you aren't rubbing against the ground as much. He's been doing the army crawl since before Christmas. It seems like most of my friends' babies did the army crawl for just a little while before moving on to crawling for real, so it's been interesting to see him stick with it for so long. I think he just got so fast that there wasn't any need to move on.
The other day I was filling up the flour canister (we buy big bags of flour from Costco and keep it in a bucket in the closet by the front door, and then I just fill up the flour canister as needed), and Kevin thought he would come over and help. Before I knew it, he had put it in his mouth. (When exploring something new, it is very important to find out what it tastes like and what it feels like to lick it.)
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
an interesting couple of days
Friday and Monday were the days of Ryan's qualifying exams. He has been doing a lot to study and prepare, so hopefully we will soon find out that he passed. It's nice to have that over with. I know that it's been stressful for him. It's a tough test.
Yesterday was my final exam for Calculus II. I think I will get an A or a B in the class, but a C is what I will need for the class to count for my major. I'm grateful that I decided to plow through the class. I think I am a better person because of the things I have learned about hard work, time management, patience, and self-control. I have received many confirmations recently that it is important for me to continue my education. Several talks and articles have come my way that mentioned how important it is to get an education, both to be prepared in case I need to work, and also so that I can gain more knowledge and intelligence. I'm glad that even though it was really hard, I stuck with it. I have much to learn, but I have learned a lot of things about how to manage my time better and how to get things done while still giving my family the attention they need from me. I'm looking forward to changing schools this fall.
This morning Kevin woke up at around 6:10 crying pretty hard. He calmed down for a couple of minutes, but then started crying really hard again. It was strange because he normally doesn't wake up until 7:00 or 7:30. I was also surprised that he would not be consoled. Usually he calms down as soon as he's out of his room, but he continued to cry until I had nursed him, and then after that he cried even harder and was inconsolable. I put him on my shoulder, and he grabbed my hair with one hand and sucked his thumb on the other. That made him feel better, and he even dozed for a couple of minutes. He always sucks his left thumb, so a couple of times when I was holding him on the wrong side he would grab my hair with his left hand and then go to suck his right thumb, but then he couldn't do it because it was the wrong thumb. When we turned the lights on we realized his right eye was very swollen, so that might have been what the matter was, or he might have had a tummy ache or something. We talked about going to the doctor, and we gave Kevin some infant Tylenol, which seemed to help. At some point Kevin got ahold of the phone (which we were going to use to call the doctor) and called Grandma T's phone, so I guess she must have been awakened pretty early (sorry about that . . . ). But we talked to her for a couple of minutes about K being sick, and afterwards we decided to wait a little while to see if he started feeling better or not. Pretty soon he was back to his normal self, which was a relief. This may be surprising, but this is actually only the second time I can think of that K has been inconsolable like this, and other than getting the sniffles he hasn't really been sick. I know a lot of other babies have been very sick a few times by the time they're 10 months old, so I guess I've been pretty lucky and it's about time I had my turn. It was sort of nice that he wanted to just sit and be held, though. Usually he just wants to keep moving and doing things. It was nice of him to wait to get sick until after finals, too.
The biggest event of the day happened when I checked my email, though. (Not because I was checking my email, of course, but because of what was in the emails.) My mom had sent an email saying that my sister Michelle was in a car accident while in the driver's ed car. She was on the driver's side in the back seat and the car was hit on the driver's side by a car going 65 miles per hour. Fortunately, Michelle was not injured badly and came home that night, but the driver in the other car was killed. I am so grateful that Michelle was okay. I have had some strong impressions today that it was a miracle and that the hand of the Lord was in all this to protect her. I understand better now why it's important to pray for the safety and welfare of our loved ones and I feel more gratitude for the plan of salvation and the Atonement. Thank you, Heavenly Father, for preserving my sweet sister.
Yesterday was my final exam for Calculus II. I think I will get an A or a B in the class, but a C is what I will need for the class to count for my major. I'm grateful that I decided to plow through the class. I think I am a better person because of the things I have learned about hard work, time management, patience, and self-control. I have received many confirmations recently that it is important for me to continue my education. Several talks and articles have come my way that mentioned how important it is to get an education, both to be prepared in case I need to work, and also so that I can gain more knowledge and intelligence. I'm glad that even though it was really hard, I stuck with it. I have much to learn, but I have learned a lot of things about how to manage my time better and how to get things done while still giving my family the attention they need from me. I'm looking forward to changing schools this fall.
This morning Kevin woke up at around 6:10 crying pretty hard. He calmed down for a couple of minutes, but then started crying really hard again. It was strange because he normally doesn't wake up until 7:00 or 7:30. I was also surprised that he would not be consoled. Usually he calms down as soon as he's out of his room, but he continued to cry until I had nursed him, and then after that he cried even harder and was inconsolable. I put him on my shoulder, and he grabbed my hair with one hand and sucked his thumb on the other. That made him feel better, and he even dozed for a couple of minutes. He always sucks his left thumb, so a couple of times when I was holding him on the wrong side he would grab my hair with his left hand and then go to suck his right thumb, but then he couldn't do it because it was the wrong thumb. When we turned the lights on we realized his right eye was very swollen, so that might have been what the matter was, or he might have had a tummy ache or something. We talked about going to the doctor, and we gave Kevin some infant Tylenol, which seemed to help. At some point Kevin got ahold of the phone (which we were going to use to call the doctor) and called Grandma T's phone, so I guess she must have been awakened pretty early (sorry about that . . . ). But we talked to her for a couple of minutes about K being sick, and afterwards we decided to wait a little while to see if he started feeling better or not. Pretty soon he was back to his normal self, which was a relief. This may be surprising, but this is actually only the second time I can think of that K has been inconsolable like this, and other than getting the sniffles he hasn't really been sick. I know a lot of other babies have been very sick a few times by the time they're 10 months old, so I guess I've been pretty lucky and it's about time I had my turn. It was sort of nice that he wanted to just sit and be held, though. Usually he just wants to keep moving and doing things. It was nice of him to wait to get sick until after finals, too.
The biggest event of the day happened when I checked my email, though. (Not because I was checking my email, of course, but because of what was in the emails.) My mom had sent an email saying that my sister Michelle was in a car accident while in the driver's ed car. She was on the driver's side in the back seat and the car was hit on the driver's side by a car going 65 miles per hour. Fortunately, Michelle was not injured badly and came home that night, but the driver in the other car was killed. I am so grateful that Michelle was okay. I have had some strong impressions today that it was a miracle and that the hand of the Lord was in all this to protect her. I understand better now why it's important to pray for the safety and welfare of our loved ones and I feel more gratitude for the plan of salvation and the Atonement. Thank you, Heavenly Father, for preserving my sweet sister.
Sunday, May 9, 2010
why I am a mother
I begin to hear squeals of glee coming from the other bedroom. That's my cue to get ready to go get the baby out of his crib . . . and to mentally prepare myself for the last run before either Daddy gets home or Kevin goes to bed. Kevin is excited to see me, not so excited that he has to stay on his back (a very confining position because you can't go anywhere) while I change his diaper. I decide to give Kevin some dinner. I made some brown rice for lunch and give him some of that with some baby food. I end up mixing sweet potatoes and beef with the rice. Yes, an odd combination, but he's had much stranger. I think he may end up being one of those people who loves strange combinations of food (maybe even green beans dipped in mayonnaise, eh, Ryan?). About three bites in, Kevin manages to grab the spoon without me expecting it, and a giant plop of pureed sweet potato lands on my khaki colored capris. Nice. And no, despite my best intentions, I never do get around to changing. Frustrated, I carefully stand up, hoping very hard that none of it gets on my awesome new white shirt. I return with a towel from the kitchen to wipe up most of the plop and leave the towel on my lap. I also grab another spoon so that Kevin can keep the one he swiped. Kevin tries to put his spoon in the bowl, but just as I start getting excited that he might be showing interest in figuring out the whole spoon-feeding thing, he decides to put the entire other hand in the bowl, wave it around in the air a bit, then lick his hand violently. I sigh, relieved that the bowl didn't get tipped over. Kevin continues to eat, and I put bits of rice on his high chair tray to keep him entertained while I continue to spoon-feed him. Occasionally Kevin tries to grab the towel, but at most feedings it's my pants instead, so I'm happy. (except that there's already a nice orange stain on my pants!) By this time I'm up to my elbows in orange baby food, but I'm used to that. He's done with all the food, so I pause to take a picture of the carnage, because this was a slightly-messier-than-usual feeding. The pictures just don't do it justice.
a
By the time I put the camera down, Kevin has climbed from the high chair onto the table. I stare at him, wondering how I'm ever going to get him clean, and decide it will have to be done in the bathroom. His legs, arms, face, and clothes are covered in food. I carry him with my arms straight out in front of me to avoid too much contact before I take off his clothes and wipe him down, struggling the entire time to keep the plunger and toilet brush out of his reach. We go get a new outfit, and in the process of dressing him, I realize there's still a dried orange blob on one side of his nose. No, it's not worth washing off. By this time I'm already thoroughly frazzled, but I've still got to clean up the area around his high chair because he wants to eat everything he dropped on the floor, and I'm not keen on the idea of sweet potato and rice on his nice clean clothes. While I clean up, Kevin alternates between trying to get between my legs to the mess and playing with the dirty recycling box in the kitchen. I make an impromptu gate in the doorway to the kitchen using a chair laid on its side and try a few times to distract him with toys. Toys, of course, are never as fun as things you are not supposed to have. I decide it's high time the trash and recycling get taken out, so I put Kevin in the stroller and tie the garbage bags to the handles of the stroller. When we get back, the apartment is messier than I remembered. That's disappointing.
After I wrote all this, I thought, Based on this description of motherhood, it would make no sense to have kids. I guess that's one reason why a lot of people these days are opting to not have children. But there's a lot more to it than the messes and frustrations. For one thing, there are all the cute faces and sounds he makes, and there's his adorable lightning-fast army crawl that's so fun to watch, and there are all the sweet gestures he makes to indicate that he loves me and wants my attention and love. It's fun to watch him develop, learn, discover, and practice. I look forward to the things I will have the opportunity to teach him, and the tender moments when he shares his testimony with me.
But I think that one of the most significant reasons that I, and other Latter-Day Saints, have children, is that through modern revelation, we have seen a small glimpse of our amazing eternal potential. We realize that in the eternal scheme of things, our responsibilities as mothers do not cease. They increase, and so do the joys that come with it. Many of the things that we enjoy now will not last beyond this life, and even in this life they are not as rewarding as joys that have an eternal nature. But motherhood is rewarding now, and will continue to bring us joy throughout all eternity. So I try to think of motherhood on earth as a chance to practice, and I gain strength from remembering the eternal implications of what I am doing. I am raising a future missionary, a future husband, a future father, a future exalted being. And in the process, I would say that in some ways he is raising me, by teaching me patience, faith, how to manage my time and resources, and the true meaning of love and service. Motherhood is building my character, preparing me for the even greater responsibilities that I will one day have after I have returned to God, giving me opportunities to grow so that I will be the kind of person that is fit for the kingdom of God. That's something I have to try to remember when I'm washing off sweet potato hand prints.
And I think this entire story (all true) is hilarious. Someday, this blog is going to be printed in a photo book, and when Kevin brings his girlfriends home to meet his family, I think I might just leave the book on the coffee table, open to this page. I'm hoping that by that point he will have a clean face.
Thursday, May 6, 2010
Elder Oaks on the Atonement
"Why is it necessary for us to suffer on the way to repentance for serious transgressions? We tend to think of the results of repentance as simply cleansing us from sin, but that is an incomplete view of the matter. A person who sins is like a tree that bends easily in the wind. On a windy and rainy day, the tree bends so deeply against the ground that the leaves become soiled with mud, like sin. If we focus only on cleaning the leaves, the weakness in the tree that allowed it to bend and soil its leaves may remain. Similarly, a person who is merely sorry to be soiled by sin will sin again in the next high wind. The susceptibility to repetition continues until the tree has been strengthened.
"When a person has gone through the process that results in what the scriptures call “a broken heart and a contrite spirit,” the Savior does more than cleanse that person from sin. He gives him or her new strength. That strengthening is essential for us to realize the purpose of the cleansing, which is to return to our Heavenly Father. To be admitted to His presence, we must be more than clean. We must also be changed from a morally weak person who has sinned into a strong person with the spiritual stature to dwell in the presence of God. We must, as the scripture says, become “a saint through the atonement of Christ the Lord” (Mosiah 3:19). This is what the scripture means in its explanation that a person who has repented of his sins will forsake them. Forsaking sins is more than resolving not to repeat them. Forsaking involves a fundamental change in the individual."
Dallin H. Oaks, “The Atonement and Faith,” Ensign, Apr 2010, 30–34
"When a person has gone through the process that results in what the scriptures call “a broken heart and a contrite spirit,” the Savior does more than cleanse that person from sin. He gives him or her new strength. That strengthening is essential for us to realize the purpose of the cleansing, which is to return to our Heavenly Father. To be admitted to His presence, we must be more than clean. We must also be changed from a morally weak person who has sinned into a strong person with the spiritual stature to dwell in the presence of God. We must, as the scripture says, become “a saint through the atonement of Christ the Lord” (Mosiah 3:19). This is what the scripture means in its explanation that a person who has repented of his sins will forsake them. Forsaking sins is more than resolving not to repeat them. Forsaking involves a fundamental change in the individual."
Dallin H. Oaks, “The Atonement and Faith,” Ensign, Apr 2010, 30–34
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
The other day I was reading through an old journal and came across an interesting entry. Since we celebrated our second anniversary yesterday, I thought I'd share it.
"Then there's Ryan. I'm pretty sure he's been interested for several months. I've just sensed it somehow, and Hillary told me today that she's thought so too for a couple of months. I'm not really sure what to think. I'm interested in him too, but I'm not sure if it's a good idea because he's 24 years old (five years older than me) and he's graduating next April. I know this sounds silly, but what if it did result in marriage? That would be a big step because I'd probably end up leaving BYU to go wherever he goes for graduate school, and besides that I'm really young and I have a lot of college left. It would change a lot of my plans. That's something I have to consider. I know I'm looking way farther ahead than I should, but it does bother me."
Two weeks later, we were dating. It was funny to read that journal entry and realize that it all happened, just as I suspected. Part of me was reluctant even to write that paragraph because I was afraid that I would read it later and laugh that I ever thought I was going to marry Ryan.
I've always thought it was interesting that I could tell there was something different about Ryan. I felt from the moment I met him that I should keep an eye on him. I was afraid that I had been making it up all along and there really wasn't anything, but I was also interested to see if it was real. I think he had similar thoughts. It didn't take long for me to start feeling very comfortable with him. I loved our conversations, and I especially loved his testimony. I was amazed at the depth of his testimony. He understood so much about the gospel, and I realized that he had gained many of those insights by praying to understand them.
The best part is that we can be together forever because we were married and sealed together in the Lord's temple. I feel blessed that I found someone who is committed to making our marriage a celestial one. I'm grateful for an eternal companion who forgives me when I am unjust or impatient. We will have our challenges and trials, but we try to remember that those experiences will make us stronger if we will love each other unselfishly and help each other improve, progress, and have faith. I feel grateful for the eternal perspective that the gospel gives us, to have a testimony that great things are in store for us if we will keep the commandments and be faithful and true to Heavenly Father. Ryan and I have much to look forward to and much to work for.
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