Sorry this is such a long post. Hopefully some people will enjoy it or be encouraged by it or something. I know someday I will probably enjoy reading about our potty training experiences.
This week I began thinking much more seriously about potty training Heidi. The main reason is that she has been all but begging for it for quite a while. She often throws a fit if we put a diaper on her instead of underwear, and she likes to sit on the toilet. She knows the entire process of climbing on the toilet, waiting, wiping, getting off, flushing, washing hands, etc. The only thing missing is that she is still used to going in a diaper, so she will go in her diaper and then want to go use the toilet, or she will sit and sit on the toilet and then go in a diaper. So she even recognizes her body signals, but she's a little confused about where she should go to the bathroom.
When Kevin was about two years old, I read Toilet Training in Less Than a Day by Nathan Azrin. Several of Ryan's sisters seemed to like the method, so I wanted to see what it was about. I knew when I read it that it would not work for Kevin, but there were many ideas in the method that I thought would be good for some children. I liked the emphasis on cleanliness and dry underwear, and that the goal is for the child to be able to do everything by himself. I was interested in the idea that if the child has an accident he has to practice running to the potty and sitting ten times (the idea being that having an accident is a huge pain and is to be avoided, and also to help the child remember to hurry when he has to go). I also thought that it could be a good idea to have the child drink a lot so that he could have frequent opportunities to practice. I still think they are good ideas. But I knew Kevin well enough to know that I would not be able to do this method with him.
As I was thinking about potty training Heidi, I decided to read the book again and see how I felt about trying it with Heidi. I still thought there were some good theories in the book, and I knew there were some things about it that Heidi would love, like teaching the doll to use the potty. (I also read Three Day Potty Training by Lora Jensen and hated it.)
Yesterday Ryan offered to take Kevin to Costco so that I could have a couple of hours to get started potty training Heidi. I had already bought all the supplies except for a doll that wets (we already have three dolls with cloth bodies and I would rather spend that money on something else). I decided to use the older doll for potty training and I would just make sure to get the underwear (but not the doll) wet when Heidi wasn't looking. So with much trepidation I decided to give it a shot. I wasn't really sure what to expect. I wasn't necessarily expecting her to be trained in a day, but I hoped that something about the method would help her make some connections.
As I was saying my prayers this morning, I was reminded of a section of my patriarchal blessing that gives some comforting words about my ability to teach my children. I was comforted by the reminder that I will have the help of the Holy Ghost to know what will best help my children to learn the things they need to know. I wasn't sure how things would go today, but I knew that somehow we will be able to help Heidi figure this out.
After Ryan and Kevin were gone, Heidi and I put underwear on the doll and I encouraged Heidi to drink some milk. When she was done drinking I asked her to give the doll a taste, hoping that it would encourage her to drink some more herself too. I tried a lot of different tactics to get her to drink a lot of liquid so that she would be able to go often. It didn't really work. Heidi is a very sensible person. She wasn't thirsty, and if I offered her a drink she would shake her head and turn away, with a facial expression that plainly said, "This is ridiculous. I'm not thirsty, so I'm not drinking!" It didn't make sense to her to drink when she didn't need to (can't say I blame her).
I taught Heidi how to check the doll's underwear to make sure it was dry, and when it was, we gave the doll treats like pretzels and crackers. I would have Heidi feel her own underwear too, and since it was dry she got to eat the doll's treat. Then I told Heidi that the baby needed to go potty, and Heidi quickly ran the baby to the potty. She didn't need any instruction about the process the doll needed to go through to use the potty. She quickly ripped the underwear off and put the doll on the toilet. I encouraged her to tell the baby she was a big girl and was doing a good job, and so on, and also to remind the baby not to put her feet and arms in the toilet. Heidi really enjoyed this part and spent quite a while potty training the doll, and also started training the new doll that she got for her birthday. It was really cute. She really didn't need any instruction from me because she understands the entire routine pretty well.
Heidi figured out pretty quickly that I had pretzels and animal crackers in my apron pocket, and when she would finish her treat for being dry she would often immediately come and ask for another one. I did my best to ignore her and emphasize that the treats were for keeping her underwear dry. She also sat on the potty several times, about half the time initiating it without me suggesting it, but she never actually urinated in the entire time that Ryan and Kevin were gone. She definitely has bladder control.
The book says that the entire time must be completely dedicated to potty training--even if the child brings up an unrelated subject you are supposed to direct them back to the subject of toilet training. If you're not doing the actual pottying behaviors, then you should be talking about it or else telling the child about all of the people they admire who use the potty. I did my best to do this, but I quickly realized that this just doesn't work with my personality. I'm not generally the sort of person to prattle about "stuff," and it just wasn't comfortable for me to talk about it all over and over again. Besides, Heidi clearly didn't need much instruction. Like I said, she understands the routine; she just needs teach herself to release in the toilet instead of her diaper. So when she asked to read books I gladly did so. If she hadn't sat on the toilet for a while I would sometimes suggest that we read books while she sat on the toilet, which helped her to sit there for longer periods of time.
By the time Ryan and Kevin got home I was pretty sure that following the method exactly was not going to work out for us. I don't think it fits well with the parenting techniques I use in general. I encourage my kids to be independent, to lead the way in how they want to play, and to figure things out on their own by observation or trial and error. I'm pretty hands off, and I don't micromanage them at all. So I think it seemed out of character for me to act like this when I'm not normally so involved and I don't normally give so many instructions.
Ryan and Kevin came home and said hi, then went out to the car to get groceries. While they were doing that, Heidi started begging for a diaper. I realized that she probably needed to urinate and expected that she would have a diaper put on so that she could go, like she normally does. When I responded that she is a big girl and now she can go in the toilet, she actually started to cry. I was very gentle with her, but I didn't put a diaper on her. About half an hour later she had a small accident on the floor, and as soon as it started happening she whimpered. Ryan brought her a wet washcloth to wipe up the floor, and she thanked him and used it to wipe up her legs. She didn't like the wet feeling on her legs (which is probably a good sign). Then she helped clean up the floor. We had her sit on the froggy potty so she could be with us. A few minutes later she peed in the froggy potty! I praised her a lot and gave her a treat. She was pretty pleased with herself.
It was naptime, so we put Kevin to bed and I put Heidi in a diaper. She did not want to take a nap, but I knew she needed one, so I let her cry. After her nap she wore underwear again. She sat on the toilet several times. Usually she would run into the bathroom and do it all herself (except for actually wetting or having a bowel movement). I didn't bother with the dry pants checks or pushing extra fluids. It wasn't working, and it wasn't what she needed.
I think our method for a while will be to put Heidi in underwear whenever we are at home, and to encourage her to sit on the potty when she seems to need to go and to clean up when she has wet accidents. She's so close; she mainly needs to learn to associate "going" with the toilet instead of the diaper. It's no small hurdle, but she'll figure it out. She wants to do it, and she prefers the feeling of underwear to a bulky cloth diaper, especially since she pretty much constantly has a diaper rash and underwear feels better against her skin. We'll see how this goes. I think it's interesting that the long method is what seems to be the best for our kids. Hopefully she won't be as resistant as Kevin was, and hopefully I can be a little more patient this time. Overall this morning was quite pleasant.
Kevin has also been making some strides in potty training. Tonight he pooped in the toilet with no prompting. He also did it a few days ago. He has had a lot of trouble figuring bowel movements out; I have cried many times after cleaning up the messes from the carpet. He has also started just peeing in the toilet without having to be told. Before, I would have him go before naps and before bed, and also if we were going somewhere, but he would never just go. He would just hold it. For the past week he has often been going unprompted when he feels a need, which has been great.
I will say this: If you need to be humbled, potty training challenges will probably help.
