Cow Appreciation Day

I woke up on the 14th and remembered with a groan that it was Chick-fil-A's Cow Appreciation Day and I had done zero preparation. Kevin also had swimming lessons, and it was Park Day, so I knew it was going to be a busy day, but we like Chick-Fil-A and it only happens once a year.

The first mistake was to tell Kevin that it was Cow Appreciation Day and we were going to go to Chick-Fil-A. He immediately went nuts and my stress level quadrupled as I ran around trying to get materials for making our costumes, pack the diaper bag, and get ready for swimming lessons while Kevin ignored my orders to get his swimsuit on. Of course we were ten minutes late for swimming lessons.

I manged to get the costumes made during swimming lessons and while the kids were playing at the park, and I've got to say, the kids looked really cute in their costumes, so that was fun. I colored spots on white shirts using a sharpie and taped black felt to their pants, and I made paper ears and taped them to headbands. I also colored some black spots to some old socks for Ann Marie.

We really did have a fun time at Chick-fil-A. The kids actually ate their food and played nicely for a long time in the playplace. Some of our friends came at the same time and I had a nice time chatting with them.

I regretted getting Sprite. It's the first time I've had soda in probably a year and a half, and it really doesn't taste that great to me anymore. I let Kevin finish it for me. I also regretted getting chicken nuggets and fries instead of a salad. I think I would have enjoyed a salad more.

The worst mistake was that we stayed too long. I've found that usually fun things go better if we stop while it's still fun instead of waiting until Kevin's getting upset. But I was enjoying talking to my friends and the longer I waited the more I was dreading having to tell the kids it was time to go. I really tried to give the kids lots of warnings and use all my tricks to ease the transition, but despite that, Kevin and Heidi were both upset, and just as we were going out the door to the parking lot Kevin darted away and before I could stop him he had disappeared back into the play structure and refused to come out.

I had to go after him and drag him out, then he disappeared again as I was trying to get out. I was really mad. I'm still mad. Maybe it was Karma because I definitely remember hiding from my mom in a particularly cool McDonald's playplace when I was a kid. The only reason I'm still glad we went is because I really did have a nice time with my friends. Oh, and I borrowed my friend's phone and got pictures of this adorable baby cow:

a frog story

One morning we went to Park Day. Kevin went off to play in the woods with his friends (and can I just say how nice it is that I can trust him to not run off to Canada if I don't watch him every second?), and after a while he and several boys came running excitedly back. Kevin showed all of us that he had a little frog in his hands--a frog that all of the boys were trying to get a chance to hold, except Kevin was keeping it safely inside his hand. Once he had shown us the frog they all ran off again, and my friend said, "God bless that poor frog in the hands of four six-year-old boys."

Quite a while passed, and Kevin was still holding that frog. As much as I enjoyed seeing the intense interest he had in this frog, I was getting pretty concerned that the frog wouldn't survive, so I told Kevin to let him go. Kevin, however, had other ideas. He came back from the woods still holding the frog and said, "Mom, there are lots of places in our house. There are lots of places for the frog in our house." I informed him that we couldn't keep the frog. When he asked why I said we didn't have any frog food. "Mom, there are lots of flies in our house." (FYI, not true.) He also tried to put the frog in a water bottle to carry it home, but I stopped him.

After telling him repeatedly to let the frog go, I finally followed him into the woods to make sure the frog was freed. I found Kevin crouched by a puddle of water, and I'm pretty sure he was giving the frog a kiss before putting it in the water. Then he tried to get it back out of the water, and I made him leave the water and told him once again that we couldn't bring the frog home.

Then Kevin's eyes started welling up with tears, and he said in a very sad voice, "But Mom, I love the frog."

"I know, Honey, but the frog wouldn't be happy at our house. If you love the frog, you will leave him here in the woods where he can be happy."

I don't think Kevin was convinced, but I made sure he left the woods so the frog could make its escape.

Pea Creek Trail

For Hike #3 our whole family went to Eno River State Park and hiked Pea Creek Trail. It wasn't a very long trail by my standards, but when you have two curious kids who want to pick up every nut, stick, and flower they see and throw rocks in the river, a hike takes a lot longer. In the end I passed Ann Marie off to Ryan and put Heidi in the Ergo on my back. Surprisingly, in the Ergo she actually didn't seem much heavier than Ann Marie.

Do you see the frog?

Heidi was tired and refused to have any more pictures.

. . . until she wanted to run around again.

NC Botanical Gardens

I have a goal to take the kids on a hike once a week this summer. The first week we went with some friends to the nature trails at the NC Botanical Gardens, which was perfect for the kids. The second week I wanted to take the kids to a place on campus, but I realized once we got there that the place I had been planning to park required a permit, so when Heidi asked to go back to the Botanical Gardens and see the fish I agreed. Kevin and Heidi always enjoy the fish, the old log house, and the giant chess board.

The temperature was actually quite pleasant while we were there. Unfortunately, our visit was cut short because Kevin slipped in the dirt while playing in a maze made of sticks, and he got a pretty nasty cut on his knee. He insisted he wanted to go home right away. I didn't realize how bad it was until I saw all the blood trickling down his leg as we were walking back to the car. Fortunately, we have a first aid kit in the car, so while Kevin was sobbing loudly I was able to clean it with water and antiseptic wipes and then tape gauze over it (it was a large enough wound that none of the band-aids would cover it). Kevin believes beyond a shadow of a doubt in the pain relieving properties of band-aids, so he insisted on having the largest band-aid put over the gauze despite my explanation that the gauze was a bandage. Thankfully it's healing really well. There's just a tiny scab left.

Pullen Park, take two

Ryan's been busy lately trying to meet some deadlines and get some projects done, and one day he came home and said, "Let's go to Pullen Park on Monday. I need a vacation." At Pullen Park there are train and carousel rides for $1 per person, and also several playgrounds and a big shady grassy area. The kids had a really fun time. Last time we went Kevin had a hard time with the transitions, but this time he had a great attitude, so it was really encouraging to see how much he has matured and progressed in the last couple of years.

Kevin was able to climb all the way to the top!

Can I be frank for a moment?

Sometimes I think I will be lucky if my relationship with Kevin is intact by the end of this summer. He won't listen, he ignores me, he breaks the rules, he's defiant, he screams for fun, he bangs on my piano, he won't stop saying potty words, he goes into our room and gets into our things without permission (sometimes even picking the lock to do so), he pushes or hits at the slightest provocation from Heidi. I really try not to yell, but when it's just one thing after another I keep losing it. I feel like as his mother I'm the person who has more influence on him than anybody else, and I can't tell you how much it hurts that I just can't get through to him. I feel like everything is centered around him because of his sensory needs and his behavior problems, and I'm always on edge wondering if he's going to do something. It's exhausting and incredibly discouraging.

Around other moms I feel self-conscious because I know to many it looks like I'm not strict enough. I think many people don't realize what it's like to have a child like this. I've tried all the tricks from the parenting books and nothing fixes the problem. The fact of the matter is, good parenting goes a long way, but in the end you can't force your child to make good choices, and some kids are naturally more obedient or subdued than others.

We're halfway through summer and I can't wait till school starts. Maybe if I were a better mom I would be able to treasure this time with him home more, but when I deal with the same challenges every day it's really draining.

Standing by herself

Ann Marie is getting very close to walking. She will walk with help even if she's only holding a finger, and she has learned to stand up without help by herself. She can even get to a standing position from the middle of the floor. Here is a video of Ann Marie being so excited and proud of herself for standing up.

After another frustrating day of trying pretty ineffectively to get the kids to pick up after themselves, this evening I was in the mood to throw some stuff away. I decided to tackle a box full of things like beads, pipe cleaners, craft foam, and more. At one point they were busy bags from when I participated in an exchange several years ago, but they got mixed up. I kept it all for so long because the kids liked to get it out and play with it sometimes. I think I figured that I should let them play with it despite the stress because that's what a good mom would do, which is dumb.

Recently I read that if you are having a hard time getting rid of something, you should say to it, "Thank you for giving me joy," and then you can get rid of it without feeling guilty, which admittedly sounds a little odd, which is probably why I remembered it. I was thinking about this as I went through the busy bag junk, and to be honest I didn't feel at all inclined to thank this stuff because there are so many stressful memories and feelings associated with it. That made it even easier to get rid of it all.

I did wonder if some of the things might bring joy to someone else, so after sorting it out I figured I would leave the better stuff in the hall for a day and then throw it away if nobody wanted it. I checked a few minutes later and surprisingly it was all gone. I'm still shocked that someone wanted it. One man's junk . . .

some pictures

Kevin's last day of Kindergarten

Ann Marie up to mischief

First ponytail

Heidi's 4th birthday

Heidi was very excited to celebrate her fourth birthday on June 23rd. It was pretty low-key. She requested homemade macaroni and cheese for dinner and then we had presents and cake.

I didn't have time to make the cake, so Ryan made it when he got home from work (he actually is the one who usually makes the birthday cakes) and it was still a little warm when he frosted it. The frosting was sort of melted and runny from the warm cake, so it was quite a messy affair to eat it. Ann Marie did not get any because it was too messy. It was also very sweet. Even Ryan warned me that he wasn't planning to take any for his lunch the next day, and I didn't eat any more than the one piece.

She got some My Little Ponies, Moxie dolls (they're like the Target brand of Barbies, except I think they look more like real people), and books, and she adores the ponies and the dolls. Of course their hair is already a matted mess, but that's doll hair for you.