my first day back in school

Wednesday was my first day back in school. I am only taking two classes this semester, and one is online, but even that seems like a ton of work when I have a month-old baby who likes to be held all the time. I have often considered dropping out or at least waiting a year, but every time I think about it I immediately have a strong feeling that I have to keep plowing through. Graduating from college didn't seem like much of a challenge when I was a freshman at BYU, but now that I have a baby to take care of and I still have about 70 credits to finish, I think when I graduate I will consider it a great accomplishment. Maybe I will appreciate my college education a little more. RT has been so supportive and is taking care of K while I am in class.

It was a really hot day. I rode the campus shuttle to a bus stop by the hospitals, where I would catch another bus that would take me halfway to Raleigh, where I would then catch another bus that would take me to NCSU. It's a long process, but it's worth it to save the gas money (NCSU students ride for free), and I can also study during my commute, which I couldn't do if I was driving. Fortunately I can ride the express bus to get back home, which is much nicer.

After arriving at NCSU, I had to do a couple of things before going to class, so I took care of those things and then went to my class. It took a little longer than I expected, and then I couldn't figure out where my class was because the building had a somewhat-odd numbering system, so I walked into my class late. I was dripping in sweat (should I say perspiration instead?) and breathing hard because I was so hot, and my hair was frizzy because of the humidity. I was pretty embarrassed because I was late and I knew I looked like a mess. I looked around, and it seemed like 3/4 of the class was composed of beautiful girls with perfect hair. I had to wonder if I'm the only person who perspires in this state. RT says it's because I grew up in Idaho, and Idaho is never humid and doesn't get this hot as often. It will probably affect my ability to adjust to climates for the rest of my life.

The teacher discussed a couplet from a poem and also the prologue to the Canterbury Tales. He had some interesting insights. I thought about my AP English class and decided I was gypped (by the way, I just barely found out that that word isn't spelled "jipped"--I had no idea!). Not that this was a surprise--I was already pretty sure that we hadn't been taught very much about literature in that class. For one thing, we only spent one day talking about poetry--I've always wished that I knew more about how to read and appreciate poetry. I have a feeling that there aren't very many good English teachers anymore. I hope I will learn a lot from this teacher and get a better idea of what I can do to continue learning how to appreciate literature better. I guess that is probably an ability that comes with practice and careful thought.

This wasn't the first time I had been away from K, but I was away for quite a while, and I really missed him. As much as I like school, I kept wishing I was at home with him. Even though it seems like all I do with him right now is feed and hold him and change his diaper, being a mom is so much more meaningful than what I do in school. I'm trying to remember how much we have been told recently by leaders of the church that it is important for women to get an education. I know that it will help me develop skills that will help me be a better parent and also that it's a very good idea to be prepared in case I ever need to go to work.

K seems to be sleeping a little better at night. In the beginning it was very hard to get him to sleep in the bassinet because he would startle awake. Sometimes he slept okay if we put him on his side (held in place by some lovely wedges), but it was still hard. We finally started putting him in an infant seat or the swing, and he seemed to sleep better there, although he still would often cry until we held him. But the last few days he has slept exclusively in the bassinet at night and has done just fine, and he has generally only awakened to eat every three hours. He is even learning to soothe himself back to sleep, which he never would do before--if he started to cry he would not stop unless we took care of him. It must be hard to get used to having a body--I'm glad that he's starting to get the hang of some things.

He's also grown a lot in the last week and a half. One day I tried on some of his three-month size clothes, and they were still way too big, and it seemed like it was only a few days later when they fit him perfectly. At his doctor appointment on Tuesday he weighed 11 lbs and was 22 inches long--he went from being in the 50th percentile to the 75th percentile in two weeks. I'm amazed at how big he has gotten. It's also been amazing to see how much he has changed and watch him develop a personality. His neck and legs are very strong, and he's starting to smile a little bit at us and often focuses his gaze on our faces or other objects.

We can't figure out what color K's eyes are. I don't think there's a color that describes it. They're kind of purplish-greenish-greyish-blackish-brownish-blueish, and very, very dark.

one month old

Hi. Tomorrow I will be one month old. I like to eat, sleep, and kick. That's about it. My parents think I'm exceptionally cute and beautiful. I don't have much interest in the mirror, so I wouldn't know.

Here are some videos of me.




I have sharp fingernails and I keep scratching my face, so they put socks on my hands. I think the socks are interesting.




I used to have a lot of hair on top of my head, but it fell out. Mom was sad. Dad and I didn't care too much. I'm still cute.

going back in time

I don't know why I never posted this, but I guess I still should. I wrote this when K was four weeks old.

My baby is four weeks old. I can't believe how fast the time has gone. It's been really hard. I've been pretty grumpy and emotional at times. But I have also been incredibly happy. Often in the past few years I have felt like something was missing from my life, and I think motherhood is filling in that gap. I hope I'm treasuring this time as much as I should. K is a very special person. I don't think I realized you can get to know a baby as well as I know him--and I still know so little about him.

Last Sunday I went back to church for the first time. I've been feeling almost back to normal for a couple of weeks, and I couldn't stay away from church any longer. I needed to go back. As RT parked the car I felt close to tears because I was so happy to be at church and to see all the people in my ward again. I've been in some really nice wards in the past--the ward I grew up in was nice, and the two singles wards I was in at BYU were both really fun. But I didn't love those wards in the way I love the one I'm in now. Often when we stand up and sing the rest hymn together I look around and can't help crying because I just love the people in my ward so much. It was so nice to be surrounded by those wonderful, loving friends again. I was also so grateful for the spirit I felt during the meetings (and I actually didn't miss much since K only got hungry during sacrament meeting, which I could still hear in the mother's room!). The teachers do such a nice job--I think the main reason is because they mostly allow the class to make comments. I love church!

The fire alarm in our building went off at about midnight last night. As soon as I heard it (it is really loud and just the right pitch to make it painful to hear it), I expected K to wake up and cry, but he didn't even notice. The only reason he woke up was because I picked him up, and he drifted off to sleep again in a few seconds. I promise he passed his hearing test. I'm sure other people with children who are actually on a schedule didn't appreciate the alarm very much. We did have a good time talking to some friends who live in the building and meeting some people who are new in our ward.

I love that food tastes normal to me again. Oatmeal, cold cereal, and bread often made me sick throughout my pregnancy, but now they taste good again. It was an immediate change--amazing.

I also love that I can move around normally again. I can bend over to pick things up. I can sit down on the floor like a human instead of an elephant. I can roll over in bed. Best of all, I can hug RT without feeling like he's still a foot away.

Some pictures and thoughts

First I want to show off the projects I finished before K came:


In some emails that my sisters-in-law exchanged before one of my nephews was born, Tiffany wrote about how nice it was to have lots of washable changing pads to use everywhere. I don't think this is quite what she meant, but that gave me the idea to make these. They're basically changing pad sized baby quilts. I thought they would be nice to have to put in my diaper bag so I don't have to change my baby on a dirty floor or a germy changing table. I have three, and I also have the fabric for one more, but the day I was going to get started on it I ended up getting induced instead. They have come in pretty handy, and I had fun trying some different things. The one on the left has hearts (I know, not very masculine--but it had to be something simple) that I made by cutting out a heart on paper and then stitching around it with the sewing machine. For the one on the right I cut out some of the dinosaurs from the extra fabric, turned under the edges using an iron, and stitched them onto the back using a zigzag stitch.



I can can. Three days after K's due date, we went to the farmer's market and bought a bushel of peaches to can. I figured if I wasn't going to have a baby any time soon, I might as well get something done. It also occurred to me that taking on something big might be just the thing to get the baby to come (preventing me from finishing what I started). I kept thinking it was crazy to do this when I was already past the due date, but the urge was pretty irresistible. I did seven quarts a day, three days (skipping Sunday), which means I got a total of 21 quarts, plus several extra peaches that we enjoyed eating after Kevin was born. I did the last batch the day before I was induced, so I finished just in time! I was excited about how easy it was to can. I found a Ball canning kit for sale on Amazon.com, and it was a really good price, so I bought it--it had a big pot, six pint-sized jars with the lids, a rack, a jar lifter, a magnetic jar lid lifter, a bubble remover, a funnel, a Ball Blue Book, and some very useful coupons for some of the other things you might need to have for canning. There are great directions and recipes in the Ball Blue Book (including a recipe for canning squirrels--tempting with all the squirrels that are on the UNC campus, but I don't think I'm going to try that one). All of my jars sealed. I was so pleased. One of the people who wrote a review of the kit said that canning is kind of addictive once you get started, and I can see what she meant--already I keep wondering if I could manage to can something else this year even though I have a new baby and I'm taking two classes starting in a couple of weeks (don't worry--that thought never lasts too long!). I'm excited to try again next year.

And here are some pictures we have taken of K in the last couple of weeks:





I thought this video was so cute:

We are starting a new family business. No discounts if he's crying. (Thanks, Mom, for this cute onesie.)

I wanted to have a video of K when he's just being normal, so that's what this is (the background music wasn't on purpose--it just happened to be playing on RT's computer when he did the video).

About K:

• He likes to snuggle. Unfortunately he tends to get that urge just when I want to eat or go back to sleep, but I'm still trying to treasure those times when he just wants to be held and kept secure and warm. I love to hold this sweet, tiny child close to me and show him in that small way that I love him. Wonderful, brilliant RT quickly discovered that he likes to be held against your chest where he can hear your heartbeat, and that discovery has saved me from listening to hours of inconsolable crying.
  
• I'm trying to take advantage of our snuggle time to sing Primary songs to him. Once I read a quote by someone who talked about how wonderful it is to be in your mother's arms while she is singing to you, and since then I've always thought I wanted to be sure to sing often to my children. I feel like it's one of the few things I can already do to teach him about the gospel. I love the thoughtful look he gets on his face when I sing those songs.
  
• He likes baths! I've been amazed at how calmly he handles the water, and even the short cold part between being in the water and getting wrapped in the towel.
• He has such cute expressions--like the "Come on, Mom, do it right" look he makes sometimes when I'm trying to feed him, the crooked smiles when he's half asleep, the "I'm thinking about something very serious" face (he looks so much like my dad when he does that), and the way he stretches his neck and closes his eyes.
• He has fabulous eyes that are such a shiny, dark blue you can barely see the pupils (it will be interesting to see what they end up looking like as he gets older).
• He's taken to what I think would be best described as spluttering when he's just starting to get frustrated.