Each restless heart beats so imperfectly.

I was driving Kevin to school. There was no reason for us to be leaving so late. I just got distracted by something that should have waited. To get out of our neighborhood we have to do a U-turn on a road where traffic is thick and slow at this time of morning because everyone uses it to go to work. Sometimes when the cars are all stopped people are nice and leave some space for us to get in, but usually there is a wait.

On this morning no opportunities to make the U-turn were coming up. There was a bright yellow car waiting behind me. He took an opportunity when there was no traffic on the right to swerve around me and turn so that he was positioned to turn before me.

I was mad. This happens occasionally when there's rush hour traffic, and I hate it. I sat there fuming, thinking, "Oh, so you think wherever you're going is for some reason more important than me getting my son to school? Guess what? My son's in first grade, and any first grader knows that what you just did is called cutting, and it's very rude--and especially rude when you're in a car and could cause an accident with a stunt like that."

I finally got mad enough and frustrated enough with the traffic that I decided to take a different route even though I knew it would definitely make Kevin late for school. I also changed the radio from a depressing NPR story to a Men of the Mormon Tabernacle Choir CD, although I wasn't really listening because I was annoyed at the guy in the yellow car and frustrated that Kevin was going to be so late.

Then a gentle pressure from the Spirit urged me to actually listen to the music, and I heard, "Each restless heart beats so imperfectly," from their version of "You Raise Me Up."

Instantly I felt humbled. That guy in the yellow car is imperfect. But so am I. And wasn't I just pleading last night for forgiveness for giving in to a weakness I've been struggling with for years?

Still I resisted for a while. I was still annoyed. "Really, Heavenly Father? You mean I don't even get the luxury of staying mad at that jerk for cutting me off like that?"

"Uh, no."

And of course when I forced myself to calm down and work on forgiving, the absurdity of the situation hit me, because really, was it worth it to waste my morning being angry at some stranger who was in a hurry? Of course not. And when I came to that realization I felt grateful to God for changing my heart and raising me up so I wouldn't wallow in some petty annoyance.

On sharing

Here are a few hypothetical scenarios in an office environment:

1. You have a stapler that you bought for yourself to keep at your desk. An office mate asks to borrow your stapler and you let him. Two days later he returns it, but it has no staples left.
2. Two weeks later, the office mate asks to borrow your stapler again. You reply that you don't want to loan it to him again because last time he took a long time getting it back to you and you need the stapler. Your boss comes over and says, "You have to share!" When you protest that it's your stapler and you don't have to share it if you don't want to, he says, "No, you have to share," and makes you give it to your office mate. Over the next two days you make several efforts to get your stapler back, but each time your boss says, "You can't take! You have to share!" When you complain that the office mate is denting the stapler by banging it on his desk, your boss says you need to quit whining and find a different office tool to use until your office mate is done with your stapler.
3. You are at your desk stapling a large stack of documents. An office mate asks to borrow your stapler, but you refuse because you are using it and you need the documents ready in the next ten minutes. Your boss comes over and yanks the stapler out of your hand and says condescendingly, "You have to share!"
4. You are in the copy room and you just need to staple a couple of things. An office mate is stapling a large stack of papers and has the only stapler. You ask if you can use the stapler to staple just a couple of things since he's clearly going to be using it for a long time. He refuses to let you use it.
5. Same scenario as above, but there are five staplers. You reach for one of the unused staplers, but the office mate grabs all five staplers and says you can't use them because he's stapling right now and he wants to use all of them.
6. You are using the stapler in the copy room and an office mate takes it away even though there are five others, and says you can't use it because it's his favorite stapler. He holds the stapler for the next hour without ever using it, and throws furtive glances your way every minute or so.

Clearly several of these situations would be absurd in an office situation. And yet I have seen similar scenarios hundreds of times at the playground. In particular I frequently see moms who take toys away from their own children simply because another child wants the toy. The point I want to make is that as adults, sharing is not simple. Adults don't always have to share, and when they should share, the way they should share depends on the context. If you make your child give a toy to another child when they're not done playing with it just because the other child wants it, they're missing out on learning important social courtesies and expectations.

Now here I have to admit that I am not always the greatest at advocating for my kids in this regard, but I'm trying to do better. Sometimes it feels like if I don't make my kids "share" the other moms will think I'm letting my kids be selfish. But I try to make it my policy that if my children are playing with something they can play with it until they are done, and if another child tries to take it away I will say, "I'm sorry, but he's playing with it right now. Kevin/Heidi/Ann Marie, can you give this toy to so-and-so when you're done with it?" This policy is amended depending on the context, and of course it also applies in reverse. If the toy belongs to the other child or to my children or if my kids are hogging all of the shovels, that's a different scenario. It's also difficult when I didn't see the beginning of the exchange and I'm not sure who ought to have the toy.

By the way, I really dislike being the referee. I think it's one of the most unpleasant parts of parenting. Kids aren't generally very rational, so it's never easy to try to sit and reason with them to figure out who ought to have which toy, and when they're angry and emotional it's really hard to try to help them come up with a solution to the problem themselves, plus sometimes it's necessary to intervene quickly before it escalates too much. It takes some quick and clever thinking, which is hard for me when I'm tired or worn out. For this reason I really like Daniel Tiger's Neighborhood because there are several shows that talk about playing with other kids, and there's always a short little jingle to help the kids remember the lesson. So when my kids are playing I can sing, "You can take a turn, and then I'll get it back," or "Find a way to play together," or "Use your words, use your words!" and that helps them to understand better what they should do. And sometimes I just resort to putting a toy in timeout if the kids won't stop fighting over it.

So anyway, those are my thoughts on sharing.

Curious George

I have a love/hate relationship with the Curious George books. The stories are kind of fun and my kids love them (we have a big book that has six of the books in it, and it's one of the most worn-out/well-loved books in our collection), but I get tired of them really fast and I'm completely exasperated by them sometimes, mostly because they're absurd (which is why kids love them so much) and so many people mooch off of George, especially the man in the yellow hat. I will show you what I mean by summarizing a few of the books and giving them more appropriate titles. (P.S. Don't take this post too seriously, please.)

Curious George
aka The Man in the Yellow Hat Kidnaps a Monkey

In this book George is captured by the man in the yellow hat, who plans to sell him to the zoo. After they get on a boat, a very tearful George is allowed to freely roam the ship. (We won't go into how George's parents felt about their little monkey getting carried off since the book doesn't mention them.) He sees some gulls flying, and since he's apparently never seen birds before (despite having lived in a jungle his entire life) he thinks he can fly too, so he jumps off the ship and almost drowns. Fortunately, the sailors save him and he throws up four whole fish and about five gallons of water. At the man's house George smokes a pipe (!!!) and eats dinner, then goes to bed. The next day he plays with the phone and calls the fire department by dialing 123-4567. When the fire department discovers him, they put him in jail (which firemen are not legally allowed to do, not that anybody gets put in jail for making a prank call to the fire department, but you know . . .). George escapes through a window and then manages to get carried away by a large bunch of balloons, but when the wind dies down he begins to sink and unluckily gets recaptured by the man in the yellow hat, who is relieved that he can still get big bucks selling George to the zoo, but it's okay because a cage in a zoo is such a nice place for a monkey to live after he's spent his entire life in the jungle.

Curious George Takes a Job
aka George Escapes, but then a Lot of People Use him for Free Labor

In this book George escapes from the zoo by stealing the zookeeper's keys and hiding with the elephants until the zookeepers are all gone. After exploring the city, he sneaks into a kitchen to steal some food. Unfortunately, he makes a big mess and gets caught. The cook makes him clean up the kitchen, and then, realizing that this is a very intelligent and efficient monkey, takes George to work for free washing windows with no safety equipment on the outside of a 14 (or more) story skyscraper. Out of the goodness of his heart, George paints a beautiful jungle mural in the nursery of a woman's apartment, and for this act of service he is chased out of the building by five people. To escape from them he jumps off the fire escape and breaks his leg.

When the man in the yellow hat finds out what happened to George, he realizes he could make even more money off of George by making a movie about him, so he tells the hospital that he'll come pick George up after his leg has healed. (He doesn't mention any of this to the zoo, of course, since they would probably want their money back and he already spent it buying a new convertible and a helicopter [it's true--see Curious George Flies a Kite.)

Finally, George's leg is better and the man comes to pick him up. He is almost killed when he smells an open bottle of Ether that the nurse had left on the floor in his room (!?!?!?!?!?!), but fortunately they are able to revive him with a cold shower, and the man hurriedly takes George to the movie studio where George signs a contract he can't read while the man and the studio director smoke cigars (!!!). He plays in the fake jungle at the movie studio all day while the man sits back smugly, looking forward to all the money he's going to get when the movie comes out.

Curious George Rides a Bike
aka More People Use George for Free Labor

In this book George is given a new bike by the man in the yellow hat and then left at home by himself. The newsboy sees George playing with his new bike and convinces George to finish up his paper route so that he can go fishing with his friends at the nearby park (but still get paid for finishing his paper route, of course--it's not bad if George is having a good time, right?). George gets distracted and makes all of the newspapers into boats that float away down the stream (which is pretty incredible--I mean, have you ever tried to really float those things? They get soggy and sink in three seconds!) Then George starts riding his bike again, but unfortunately he hits a rock and the front wheel is ruined. That's okay, though, because George can ride on one wheel, so he heads home doing a wheelie. Then the owners of the animal show see him as they're riding down the street, and they decide to kidnap him and put him in their act (free labor, you know). They fix his bike, dress him up, and give him a trumpet. George almost kills the ostrich trying to feed it his trumpet, but it turns out okay because then he saves the baby bear. The man in the yellow hat shows up to the animal show and is thrilled to find his monkey because he had been worried sick at the thought that someone else was making money off of George instead of him.

Curious George gets a Medal
aka George Floods the Man's House and the Man in the Yellow Hat Thinks of Another Way to Make Money off of George

In this book George spills ink all over the carpet and tries to clean it up with soap and water, but he gets a little carried away and floods the house. He steals a cow and a water pump from a nearby farmer, but the farmer chases him and he has to make a getaway on a museum truck. George explores the museum and ruins a dinosaur exhibit, but it all works out okay because the museum director wants to do an experiment on him and the man in the yellow hat has agreed because the museum director will pay him big bucks for the use of his monkey. George is launched into space and then bails out of the space ship using a parachute. George gets a medal and the man in the yellow hat gets lots of money.

Curious George Goes to the Hospital

I don't really have any objections to this book, but I'm seriously grossed out by the fact that the doctor saved the puzzle piece George had swallowed, and that George and the man in the yellow hat went home and happily put it into the puzzle as if it was no big deal that it had been inside a monkey's BODY for three days. Oh, and everything my kids know about hospitals they learned from this book (and their minor surgeries), and they love to reenact scenes from the book using Ann Marie as their patient.

Behaving and Knowing

[Below I'm going to quote heavily from a BYU speech by Neal A. Maxwell called The Inexhaustible Gospel. I would highly encourage you to read the entire talk; it has really changed and enriched my perspective about knowledge and how it should take place in the gospel.]

Our knowledge of the gospel and the plan of salvation give us a unique perspective on the learning process. In the world so much of learning is focused on learning facts. We do often apply those facts in many contexts, but the world isn't great about using facts to change our behavior. In contrast, in the gospel of Jesus Christ, our behavior is an integral part of learning. We must develop virtues in order to gain knowledge of God, and if we are disobedient we limit our learning. And when we learn in the Lord's way, the possibilities are infinite!

"Multiple scriptures make it clear that knowledge is meant to be closely associated with other virtues such as patience, humility, charity, and kindness." (Neal A. Maxwell, The Inexhaustible Gospel)

One such scripture is Doctrine and Covenants 107:30-31:

30 The decisions of these quorums, or either of them, are to be made in all righteousness, in holiness, and lowliness of heart, meekness and long-suffering, and in faith, and virtue, and knowledge, temperance, patience, godliness, brotherly kindness and charity;
31 Because the promise is, if these things abound in them they shall not be unfruitful in the knowledge of the Lord.

The promise referred to in verse 31 can be found in 2 Peter 1:5-9:

 5 And beside this, giving all diligence, add to your faith virtue; and to virtue knowledge;
 6 And to knowledge temperance; and to temperance patience; and to patience godliness;
 7 And to godliness brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness charity.
 8 For if these things be in you, and abound, they make you that ye shall neither be barren nor unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.
 9 But he that lacketh these things is blind, and cannot see afar off, and hath forgotten that he was purged from his old sins.

So we can see from these verses that in order to be rich in the knowledge of Jesus Christ we should be developing these and many other virtues and striving to follow Christ's example. It really makes sense--how can we have knowledge of Christ and the gospel if we aren't living a Christ-like life? How can we understand his life and mission if we aren't living a similar lifestyle?

When we focus on getting knowledge, even gospel knowledge, without being obedient to gospel truths, we actually limit the amount of knowledge and wisdom we can get: 

"Knowledge, if possessed for its own sake and unapplied, leaves one's life unadorned. A Church member, for instance might describe the Lord's doctrines but not qualify to enter the Lord's house. One could produce much brilliant commentary without being exemplary. One might be intellectually brilliant but Bohemian in behavior. One might use his knowledge to seek preeminence or dominion. Such are not Jesus' ways, for he asks that perception and implementation be part of the same spiritual process." (Neal A. Maxwell, The Inexhaustible Gospel)

Those who are brilliant but not obedient are missing out on precious truth and experiences. In the gospel so much of our knowledge can only be gained by obeying the commandments and by so doing learning for ourselves that they are true and right. We will really only understand the way the universe works if we have a relationship with our Savior and know that the entire purpose of all of God's creations is "to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man" (Moses 1:39).

“Gaining knowledge and becoming more Christ-like ‘are two aspects of a single process.’ (Warner, Encyclopedia of Mormonism, vol. 4, p. 1490). This process is part of being ‘valiant’ in our testimony of Jesus. Thus, while we are saved no faster than we gain a certain type of knowledge, it is also the case, as Richard Bushman has observed, that we will gain knowledge no faster than we are saved (Teachings, p. 217). So we have a fundamentally different understanding of knowledge and truth—behaving and knowing are inseparably linked.

“So defined, the gospel is inexhaustible because there is not only so much to know, but also so much to become!” (Neal A. Maxwell, The Inexhaustible Gospel)

I love that last phrase. It's not just that there are a lot of facts to learn in the gospel. Our actions are part of our learning, and when we live the principles we have learned, we are then prepared to understand and live even more principles of the gospel. The potential is infinite when we couple what we know with how we behave.

On his Facebook page Elder Bednar recently said:

"In the scriptures, we are often taught about the principle of 'line upon line.' This principle is applicable in all facets of life. 

"When we attend church, do we expect to hear something new each time? The reality is that messages may be similar orally, but the Spirit will individually teach us in new ways. This is one reason why we should seek to always have His Spirit to be with us. It is up to us to hear with spiritual ears what is being said. Never discredit the central truths of the gospel simply because they are familiar or repeated often. 

"As we learn and apply the gospel in our lives, we will be strengthened to progress and overcome temptations. The world may grow more and more wicked, but our personal conversion will deepen and we will be able to press forward with faith in the Savior."

Once I read a blog post by a person who had lost her love of the scriptures. When she joined the church she devoured the scriptures and read through the standard works several times. But after reading them so many times she felt that she knew the stories very well and got bored, so she decided that the scriptures weren’t the only source of inspiration and took to replacing her scripture study with reading philosophy and other things she thought were inspiring. I felt confused by the post because I’ve read the Book of Mormon several times and I still learn from it every time. Then I realized based on her comments that she was mainly reading the scriptures on an intellectual level, and once she felt very familiar with the stories she wasn’t intellectually getting much out of them anymore. Don’t read the scriptures and the words of the prophet on just an intellectual level! Yes, we need to know the information, but as we apply it we become wise and are capable of learning even more because of our experiences. That’s why the gospel is “inexhaustible.” Even after we are very familiar with the scriptures, there is much to learn through the experience of applying the principles in the scriptures to our lives, and that experience changes as our circumstances change.

"Clearly, what we carry forward [to the world to come; see Doctrine and Covenants 130:18-19], brothers and sisters, involves developing our capacity for cognition as well as application. This sets us apart from the world . . . Certainly, what we will carry forward is more than what we now term as IQ or databases. It is the entire being of the individual." (Neal A. Maxwell, The Inexhaustible Gospel)

We know from Doctrine and Covenants 130:18-19 that it's important to seek knowledge and intelligence because what we learn will stay with us in the world to come and be an advantage. But based on the scriptures I think it's clear that here we're not just talking about facts. The only way our knowledge and intelligence will be an advantage to us in the Celestial Kingdom is if we have taken that knowledge and applied it to our behavior. Otherwise we won't be worthy to live there. But if our knowledge is coupled with application of that knowledge we will be prepared and worthy to be a part of the work of the Celestial Kingdom for all eternity. God's work is what makes knowledge worth having.

>>Gospel Learning Takes Time

Converting Knowledge to Wisdom

The scriptures can seem like a mixed bag when they talk about wisdom and knowledge. There are times when they are described as attributes of people who are prideful, worldly, cruel, unkind, or irreverent. Then again, there are probably many more scriptures in which we are urged to seek wisdom and knowledge.

 I think the prophets and apostles of today have made it clear that we are to learn and get as much education as we possibly can. But in order to keep our faith and use our knowledge to help God's work, we need to seek learning in a certain way.

Marion G. Romney gives some great insights about this in Converting Knowledge to Wisdom. As he discusses in the talk, our world has made incredible strides when it comes to knowledge, and in many fields, such as medicine, technology, and engineering, we have greatly benefited from all this knowledge. But in many other areas we aren't much better off even though we know so much more. 

Our [the world’s] fatal weakness is, as already indicated, the inability to put to beneficial use knowledge which relates to our own personal conduct and to our dealings one with another on the local, national, or international level . . . Many in the world simply do not have the capacity to apply with wisdom the knowledge they have about the enslaving philosophies of Satan . . . What we desperately need is to recognize and acquire that quality which converts knowledge into wisdom . . .  

Mankind generally has proved short in wisdom on two counts. First, mankind does not have all the facts; and, second, mankind does not have the capacity to make maximum beneficial use of the facts it does have. Is there, then, no hope for improvement? Yes, there is a way. That way is for men to come to a knowledge of the true and living God. 

2 Nephi 9:28 says:

28 O that cunning plan of the evil one! O the vainness, and the frailties, and the foolishness of men! When they are learned they think they are wise, and they hearken not unto the counsel of God, for they set it aside, supposing they know of themselves, wherefore, their wisdom is foolishness and it profiteth them not. And they shall perish.
29 But to be learned is good if they hearken unto the counsels of God. 

So we have a lot of knowledge, but in many cases, especially when it comes to our dealings with other people, we don't have the wisdom to use it. It's not that the knowledge is bad, but if people don't choose to be wise they won't put what they know to beneficial use.

How do we convert knowledge into wisdom? We come to a knowledge of God. "The fear of the Lord (or, as Marion G. Romney changed it, profound reverence) is the beginning of wisdom." (Ps. 111:10) We hearken to God's counsels instead of pridefully assuming that we are so smart we don't need his help.

When Ryan and I moved to North Carolina, I attended NCSU for two years before deciding to transfer to UNC, and instead of driving to Raleigh I decided to commute there using Triangle Transit (it was a long trip!). I saw a lot of interesting people on the buses, but one particular bus ride still stands out in my mind. Two people on the bus were having a discussion about religion. They were convinced that religious people are completely irrational and they couldn’t understand why religious people can’t just come to their senses and see how crazy their faith is. Then the young man said (and I’ll edit out his colorful language), “Forget God, I’ve got science.” I was filled with sorrow for this young man. He thought he was really smart because he wasn’t being duped by all that religious stuff, but I could see by his countenance and the things he had said that he was not actually happy, and I felt sorry for him because I could see that his irreverent attitude towards God was keeping him from developing wisdom. He may have thought that he was liberated by rejecting God, but what he didn’t realize was that he was actually limiting his ability to learn wisdom. This experience taught me that in order to become wise (instead of merely smart) it's necessary to have reverence for God.

The great thing about learning this way is that gaining wisdom actually enhances our ability to gain knowledge, and when we know more and have more faith in God we can then become even wiser! So really, knowledge and wisdom are both critical steps in the same process. In addition, when our relationship with God is the most important part of our learning, our knowledge doesn't make us prideful and unkind; rather, we feel grateful for all that we have learned and we have an increased desire to use our knowledge and wisdom to bless God's children.

There are many who are calling for the religious to leave their faith at the door rather than bring them into the public sector. But based on the thoughts I have just shared, I think it's clear that we definitely should not leave our faith at the door. Scientific facts aren't enough to make good choices in government, business, education, and our interactions with each other. The world needs not just the facts, but also the wisdom that we develop through our faith in God.

In many cases our ability to make wise decisions is dependent on how much knowledge we have. Anyone who has taken a test at school knows that you can't rely solely on your relationship with God to do well on a test. He expects you to also study. Our relationship with God can help us to have increased understanding of the material and also helps us to see how it relates to the gospel, but when we haven't been diligent in seeking knowledge we can't expect Him to give us all the answers. 

However, sometimes we don't have all the facts and we still need wisdom, and this is where it is so crucial to love God and have a relationship with him. At those times, we learn all we can and seek guidance from the Holy Ghost to make a wise decision.

I experienced this principle last year when we had to make some important decisions about Kevin's education. Our options were: send him to Kindergarten in the public schools, wait a year, homeschool him for a while, or send him to a preschool for older kids (which wasn't really an option since we couldn't afford it). Kevin's birthday is in July, so he would be the youngest in his class and likely less mature. He also had a lot of behavior problems and could only write two or three letters, so I knew he might have behavior problems at school and would be behind with his writing. Logically I thought public school made the least sense. But Ryan and I prayed about it and whenever I prayed about it I had a feeling of peace when I thought about sending him to public school and a feeling of confusion and chaos when I thought about the other options. I knew that even though logically public Kindergarten made the least sense, the Spirit was telling us that it was the right choice. So with faith we sent him to public school. It turned out to be the best choice. Kevin grew that year in ways that wouldn’t have happened with homeschool or preschool. We didn't have all the facts, but God did, and I am grateful that despite our lack of knowledge we were able to make a wise choice with the help of the Holy Ghost.

In our dealings with others, we may have a lot of facts and a lot of research to guide us in our interactions, but we will hardly ever have all the facts. This is why we can't leave our faith at the door. We need our relationship with God and the guidance of the Holy Ghost to convert what knowledge we have into wisdom as we interact with our coworkers, neighbors, family, and strangers. This is how learning works when it is done in the Lord's way.

>>Behaving and Knowing

Using God to Fill in the Gaps

Recently an interesting picture showed up in my Facebook news feed. If you do a Google search for "two bodies of water meet but don't mix" you'll find a lot of pages that discuss this picture, but here's just one. I haven't taken the time to delve too much into the scientific explanation, but it sounds like what's happening is that glaciers are melting and the water is flowing into the Gulf of Alaska, and because of the difference in density between the meltwater and the salty ocean water, a surface tension forms between them and prevents them from mixing (although they do eventually mix). Pretty cool, huh?

Unfortunately, this is not the description that was given with the picture on Facebook. On Facebook, the claim was that this is a place in the ocean where the water flows in opposite directions and never mixes, and scientists have been completely unable to explain why it happens. The post claimed that there are many phenomena such as this in the world that can't be explained by science and they all serve as proof that God exists because nothing else could explain them.

Interestingly, this Facebook post I described actually strengthened the boundary between two opposing groups. Glancing through the comments (I know, bad idea) I saw that people who knew the science and were already disenchanted with religion saw this post and concluded that people who believe in God are not interested in the truth, but instead are being blind and foolish. And the unkind comments they made resulted in religious people feeling attacked and thus feeling even less willing to interact constructively with those who are not religious. So just like the two bodies of water weren't mixing because they were so different, these two groups were refusing to mix or interact constructively and intelligently with each other. I don't think it was helpful for this picture to be shared with a dishonest caption claiming that God was the only explanation for the phenomenon, because it created rifts between religion and science that don't need to be there. Just like the two bodies of water eventually mix, the religious and the scientific can exist together.

Soon after this, my husband pointed something out to me that had never occurred to me before. Sometimes Christians use God to fill in the gaps for the things we don't understand. If some phenomenon in the world happens and they don't know why, they claim that God did it. The trouble with this philosophy is that it becomes problematic when scientific explanations do come. What do you do with those scientific explanations? If you accept them, that's one less gap for God to fill. It can feel like accepting the scientific explanation makes the gaps smaller, and if the gaps are smaller does that mean you're making God smaller? I think this may be why some people are reluctant to accept scientific explanations, especially claims about evolution or the age of the earth, and this may partly explain why in church we sometimes equate knowledge with wickedness. As Christians it is easy to feel that if you believe in an old earth or evolution your faith in God is somehow decreasing. (And I should add here that I have at times experienced these feelings too, so I'm not trying to be critical of anyone--as a person who believes in God it can be difficult sometimes when we're not sure how scientific explanations fit in with our faith.)

I don't know how it all fits together. Personally I'm okay with the idea that the earth is a few billion years old while simultaneously believing that it was created by Jesus Christ under God's direction. I'm also for the most part okay with the theory of evolution and I believe that it happens, although as I've mentioned before on this blog, it does bring up some confusing implications about Adam and Eve. I really enjoy learning more about how the world works, and the more I learn, the more I feel inspired by my Heavenly Father's wisdom and grateful to Him for the opportunity to live my mortal life.

I think the important thing is to remember what God's purpose is. He told Moses: "For behold, this is my work and my glory—to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man." (Moses 1:39) For me, God's purpose isn't to serve as an explanation for things I don't understand. He's not here to give us a magic show. God's entire work is salvation. And if we make salvation the center of our relationship with Him, then our faith is much stronger. If my faith in God rested on the mysteries in nature I think it would have broken down several years ago when I started studying geology. But instead the basis of my faith in Him has become the Atonement of Jesus Christ. Each time I use the Atonement I have more evidence that God and Jesus Christ are real because by repenting and receiving forgiveness I feel their presence in my life.

>>Converting Knowledge Into Wisdom

The Gift of Knowledge

If you have been a member of the LDS church for more than a few years you have probably attended a lesson at church in which the gifts of the Spirit were discussed. 1 Corinthians 12 and Doctrine and Covenants 46 are two places in the scriptures that list gifts of the Spirit.

The gifts of knowledge and wisdom are two spiritual gifts listed in these chapters, and in church classes the discussion of these gifts tends to focus on the difference between them. Interestingly, in my experience, the majority of the time the conclusion seems to be that knowledge is inferior to wisdom, or even the unrighteous version of wisdom. Often in these discussions I feel that the underlying feeling about seeking knowledge is, "Well, it's okay if you like to learn things, but just keep in mind that it's dangerous to get too smart because knowledge makes you prideful, so be careful." There was even a time when I visited my parents' ward, and when the teacher asked for some modern parallels of a wicked group of people from the scriptures, a man raised his hand and said, "Scientists!"

After one class about gifts of the Spirit a few years ago, I came home feeling troubled because this conclusion didn't feel right to me. Why would knowledge be a gift of the Spirit if it's not worth having? Since then I have pondered this a great deal, and recently I had the opportunity to look at the subject in even greater depth because I was asked to teach a class about it at Stake Women's Day.

I think part of the confusion comes because of semantics. Sometimes in the scriptures knowledge and wisdom are desirable, and other times they are described as worldly or as the causes of wickedness.

In his talk, Converting Knowledge into Wisdom, Marion G. Romney gives some definitions:

The dictionary distinguishes wisdom from knowledge--which, it says, denotes "acquaintance with, or clear perception of, facts," and from science, which "is exact, organized, and classified knowledge, especially in relation to the physical world," and from information, which is defined as "knowledge communicated or acquired, especially by reading or observation." Wisdom as distinguished from these, it says, "is the capacity of judging soundly and dealing broadly with facts, especially in their practical relations to life and conduct." 

. . . Since knowledge is an "acquaintance with, or clear perception of, facts;" and wisdom is "the capacity of judging soundly and dealing broadly with facts; especially in their practical" application "to life and conduct," it follows that wisdom is a product of, and is dependent upon knowledge.

That last phrase is important. Yes, we should strive to learn wisdom. But how can we have wisdom if we aren't clearly acquainted with the facts? We need knowledge; God wants us to seek for knowledge because without it we cannot be wise. In fact, after studying the scriptures and the words of the prophets I have come to realize that learning is preparation for eternity.

Boyd K. Packer said:

As we learn about ourselves and learn about the great plan of redemption, we know that in the premortal existence intelligence existed forever. It was not created. It will exist forever. In due course, we were given a spirit body. We became then the sons and daughters of God . . . While in that existence, we were valiant and chose good . . . Then, in the course of our having chosen good . . . we had a body prepared by mortal parents, and we were born into mortality. (Boyd K. Packer, The Instrument of Your Mind and the Foundation of Your Character)

I think it’s interesting that before we were given spirit bodies we were called intelligences. So even then we had some knowledge. Then as God has given us spirit bodies and physical bodies our capacity for understanding has increased.

We learned the gospel in the spirit world, but without a body we were limited in our ability to grow and apply the gospel. We also couldn’t be like God because he had a body. So we were born into mortality and now we have bodies. Boyd K. Packer also said, “Our spirit and our body are combined in such a way that our body becomes an instrument of our mind and the foundation of our character.” (The Instrument of Your Mind and the Foundation of Your Character)

Put this way, we can see that our bodies are a gift from our Heavenly Father to help us learn. Learning was one of the central purposes for sending us to earth, and when we are resurrected we will have an even greater capacity for learning.

We shouldn't squander our mortal life. Because our bodies are instruments of our minds we need to use this gift to learn as much as we can. Joseph Smith taught: "Whatever principle of intelligence we attain unto in this life, it will rise with us in the resurrection. And if a person gains more knowledge and intelligence in this life through his diligence and obedience than another, he will have so much the advantage in the world to come." (Doctrine and Covenants 130:18-19) Now, it's not a race; God recognizes that we all learn (both spiritually and intellectually) at different paces. But I think it's clear that as resurrected beings we will be grateful that we sought knowledge during our mortal probations.

>>Using God to Fill In the Gaps

Organizing the hall closet

Before:

After:

I decided to tackle the storage closet. The games were getting a little out of hand, so for the boxes that were falling apart I put all the pieces in labelled plastic drawers. There is a designated drawer for card games. I like the drawers because now if I find a random game piece lying around I can just open the drawer and put the piece in instead of having to pull out a possibly broken box from the bottom of the pile. I also organized the mason jars. They were all kind of piled up on top of each other and mixed with lids.

Halloween 2015

Happy Halloween from Superman, Anna (from Frozen), and a lady bug.

In the past I haven't done a lot of sewing for Halloween, but this year I thought it would be fun. I sewed Heidi's cape and dress, Kevin's cape, and Ann Marie's ladybug wings. They all turned out really well. I think the zipper on Heidi's dress is my best yet. (It took me a few days to work up the courage to start on the zipper. They're still challenging even though I've done it four or five times by myself.)

When the kids woke up in the morning they were as excited as they would have been on Christmas morning. We had a fabulous ward Halloween carnival at the church in the morning. There were breakfast, carnival games, and a fun spook alley with "gross" things to touch (like spaghetti for guts and a jello brain), then trunk or treating at the end. Ryan said that Ann Marie figured out the concept after three cars, and after that she insisted on carrying her own bucket and going to the cars herself. Kevin didn't figure out the point of trick or treating until he was four.

In the evening we went trick-or-treating in our apartment complex, which was very fun for the kids. Ann Marie figured out that people loved it when she waved and smiled sweetly at them, which might explain how she managed to get more candy than her older siblings. You should have seen her when we tried to take her candy bucket away when we were getting her ready for bed. She screamed bloody murder and held onto the bucket with a death grip.

I actually bought pumpkins this year. The kids were talking about carving pumpkins and I thought it might be a family home evening activity or something. But after I brought the pumpkins home the pumpkin-carving talk changed to, "Mom, when you carve my pumpkin I want it to look like such-and-such," which is when I realized that the kids weren't planning to carve their own pumpkins, which should have occurred to me much sooner. I didn't want to touch the slimy inside of the pumpkins at all. So we did put the pumpkins outside our door on Halloween, but other than that they ended up sitting on the kitchen counter with all the other clutter and not really being decorations. Then they got moldy spots on them and we threw them away.

Hanging Rock State Park, take 2 (10/17/2015)

When Kevin was a baby we visited Hanging Rock State Park with Ryan's parents and had a really nice time. Since we are probably moving next summer I wanted to go back one more time, and we finally had an unscheduled weekend with great weather.

There are several different trails there, but this time we decided to try the trail to Hanging Rock. The trail was described as a moderate hike, but it was a little more difficult than I anticipated. Most of the way was uphill, and as we got higher the trail was uneven stairs made of boulders and rocks, so that was challenging for the kids. But we kept encouraging them and they made it all the way to the top and back. We were very proud of them.

There were a lot of people and a lot of dogs. I was impressed by the many rat-sized dogs with bows in their hair that walked all the way up to Hanging Rock.

When we got to the top I felt like I was too tired to appreciate the view. Ryan was excited and wanted me to come see, but I just wanted to sit and process the fact that I finally finished climbing the mountain. Mainly I was freaking out trying to keep Kevin and Heidi from running right off a cliff. I think the stress of keeping track of the kids made it hard to appreciate the beautiful views as much as I normally would have. But it was a great view and it was nice to see so much of the sky for once.

On the way back Heidi said her hands were cold and I made the mistake of telling her to put her hands in her pockets, which meant she was trying to go down the boulder stairs with her hands in her pockets. She finally agreed that it would be better to keep her hands out so she could catch herself if she fell. At one point Kevin fell down some stairs and as I ran to him I was expecting to find him with a broken nose, but even though he stood up crying that he didn't want to go on this hike anymore, he didn't even have a scratch.

It was a lot easier on the way back since it was downhill. Heidi mostly stopped complaining and instead was saying, "This hike was so fun. But it was really boring."

Kevin was very happy when we stopped at Chick Fil A on the way home.

We went on several hikes this year. Most of the time when we do this I end up wondering why in the world we torture ourselves trying to drag our kids up a mountain, but after the fact it's mainly the good memories that stay. When Ryan and I got married we agreed that we wanted to go hiking and camping as a family, which was why I made a goal to go hiking more this year. I was thinking about it on the way back down the mountain, and I think we keep doing it because we want our kids to develop a love of nature and to know that it's important to be physically active and get away from the screens and electricity for a while. We were so proud of Kevin and Heidi for walking the whole way even though it was hard work.

Kevin and Heidi thought this branch growing sideways was pretty fun.

a few more September pictures

Kevin gave some weird explanation of how he wanted his orange cut, and the description didn't sound anything like, "I want my orange cut in quarters," but somehow I still managed to read his mind and knew he wanted it cut in quarters so he could put it in his mouth like this. Sometimes my mind-reading powers amaze even me. And then at the most inconvenient times they don't seem to work.

Ryan and I deny any knowledge of this event. We were completely surprised to find this picture on the camera.

Science in our bathtub

A video by Physics Girl inspired some late-night science experiments in our bathtub.




Here's the video by Physics Girl:

what we're up to

Whoops. Here's a post I wrote a few weeks ago.

Everyone except me has been sick, and the kids are now on round two of coughs. The humidifier is working overtime these days. Ann Marie's first cough was bad enough that I took her to the doctor. She sounded kind of rattley when she breathed and I was concerned. It turned out it was all in her throat, so it ended up being one of those visits where it's nice to know nothing's wrong but at the same time you kind of wish you hadn't bothered coming.

I've been practicing the piano a lot more since school started. I think I generally practice 4-5 times a week. My piano has been a bit of a disappointment because every key has a different timbre and it's already out of tune again, but at the same time I feel blessed to have one. I've been working through a sonatina book that has been a good challenge for me, and it's been very rewarding to see how much I improve over time. It usually takes me 3-4 weeks to learn all the movements of a sonatina. I hope that when my kids start learning to play my example of practicing consistently will be a motivation for them to do the same. The girls enjoy tormenting each other while I practice in the morning.

Halloween is just a couple of weeks away, so I'm trying to get costumes made. Heidi wants to be Anna from Frozen. Other than some strings to tie it her pink cape is done. For the dress I'm making her a jumper with a black bodice and a blue skirt. I don't think I've done much sewing for Halloween in previous years, but this year I thought it would be a fun project. Halloween is really fun with kids.

Ryan finished the revisions to his first paper and resubmitted it, so we're waiting to hear back about that, and he's working on another paper. The two papers will be his dissertation. Postdoc positions are starting to be posted too, so he's working on applications. I don't think it's registered yet that this is our last year here.

Kevin's reading skills have exploded in the past few months. They're learning about the commutative property of addition at school ("flip-flop facts"), and when we were working on his homework he told me, "Mom, this is like that poem in our book that says from Wibbleton to Wobbleton is fifteen miles and from Wobbleton to Wibbleton is fifteen miles."

Heidi loves her preschool coop. She asks every day if she has preschool that day. On Mondays we do a letter from Frontline Phonics, which has been great. I feel like the little lessons really help the kids to learn the letter sounds. On Wednesdays we work on handwriting. I think what I'm finding is that for a lot of kids writing letters on the traditional handwriting pages is intimidating because of the lines. Heidi will trace the letters, but sometimes she doesn't want to write them by herself. She seems to do better if she's writing on a sheet of computer paper. I think she'll start to get it by the time she goes to kindergarten. We also talk a little bit about numbers, art, geography, and science, and we work on kindergarten readiness skills. The kids like to do cutting pages. We also end with lunch, which all the kids enjoy. Heidi loves the idea of having her own lunchbox and choosing what food she wants.

Ann Marie is at a really cute stage, even if she's also a little mischievous. She will poke me at dinner just so I will look at her so she can say hi, and she's trying to figure out how to give kisses.

(10/12) Heidi climbed up on the counter when I wasn't looking and fell off. She landed on her face. Her teeth were bleeding and one was a little loose. After debating and worrying for a few hours I finally decided it would be better to get it looked at. They asked me if I could be there in 45 minutes, and apparently it really does take over half an hour just to get out the door with three kids because I was running around like a chicken with my head cut off the entire time and I was really frazzled when we got to the dentist's office. It turned out that Heidi's teeth look fine, so that was a relief. For some reason I always feel bad when I take my kids to a doctor for some illness and it turns out I didn't need to worry. But it did get me motivated to finally schedule the kids' first dentist appointments. The entire day felt mostly like a blur because I taught preschool in the morning and then Heidi fell off the counter right after that, and we went to the dentist's office after Kevin got home. Then when we got back from the dentist a neighbor boy was playing with a spinning paint toy in the hall and invited the kids to watch, which was a mess. Ann Marie got a hold of one of his soggy papers and had paint all over her hands. The one great thing was that Ryan's lab got cancelled, so he came home earlier than I expected and was able to help me out.

Added a couple of weeks later: I spoke too soon and last Sunday I came down with a cough and a headache that won't go away. And Ryan was lucky enough to come down with it too so he can't pick up the slack. Those zucchini I bought last Saturday (when I was healthy and full[ish] of energy) to make into zucchini bread are slowly shriveling up. At least now the vertigo has mostly gone away--that was, um, fun. On Monday morning when I said my prayers I said, "Heavenly Father, I know I'm going to be pretty sick this week, but please just help me to get the bathroom clean this week." And I actually did manage to get it cleaned, although the house has been a disaster.

[Since I wrote this post Ryan's paper came back and he just had a couple more revisions to make and then it's going to be published. The cough and headache eventually went away. A few days ago it occurred to me that the kids have been living on go-gurts and crackers, I've been living on canned soup, and Ryan's been living on cough drops. But things are getting back to normal now and now that the Halloween candy is almost gone we're eating our regular foods again.]