lost and found, a.k.a. the worst experience I have ever had

My heart is full of gratitude to my Heavenly Father and to my friends Jamie and Emily for supporting and blessing me yesterday. While we were at the park Kevin disappeared and was lost for a very long time. The park is surrounded by woods, and we looked everywhere. I was sure he had drowned in the pond. Recently a man in NC died in a waterfall accident, and a family member's Facebook status said that he was "safe in the arms of our loving Heavenly Father." Now I felt sick at the thought of writing that about my own child. Emily insisted we would find him and wouldn't let me think of that possibility. Jamie offered to call the police, and I agreed it was time. When she told them it had been around 20 minutes since he disappeared I felt shocked that it had been so long and almost lost hope. (I later talked to her on the phone and she said she had been estimating pretty high because she wanted them to take her seriously and come right away, since in the past when she had to call them about foster children who ran away they would sometimes just tell her to call back in a few minutes.) We kept searching (Jamie stayed and watched all of our kids), and I was walking down a path sobbing, praying aloud, begging Kevin to come out or yell. I came back a little after the police arrived. Just as I had finished describing him to the police, Jamie said, "Oh, my goodness, there he is!" and Kevin came out of the woods from the path we had followed to get to the park from the car. He said he had been fixing the tire on the car. I couldn't believe it. I am so thankful that he came back and was safe. I kept thinking I didn't know how we could live without him.

When we went back to the car I found the left turn signal, the windshield wipers, and the lights on, and the seat was definitely adjusted, and the tire pressure gauge was sitting on the passenger seat, so he probably was playing in the van and at some point was "fixing" the tires. Emily had looked in the parking lot, so I'm guessing she couldn't see him because he was playing in the van. I know I locked the car, but I do remember thinking that I should check to make sure the sliding door on the other side had closed and dismissing the thought, so I'm guessing that's how he got in. But maybe it's a good thing he could get in so that he was safe in the van instead of wandering farther away. Emily invited us over to have lunch, which we did. I was so blessed to have my friends there to support me and be calm when I was falling apart. I can't describe to you how helpful they were for me. I am still working on getting over all the emotions. I prayed so many times for him to be returned to me, and I am grateful that Heavenly Father guided him back. Life would be so empty without Kevin. We are going to have to figure out a way to drill into this kid's head that he has to stay where he can see me.

an interesting couple of days

Friday and Monday were the days of Ryan's qualifying exams. He has been doing a lot to study and prepare, so hopefully we will soon find out that he passed. It's nice to have that over with. I know that it's been stressful for him. It's a tough test.

Yesterday was my final exam for Calculus II. I think I will get an A or a B in the class, but a C is what I will need for the class to count for my major. I'm grateful that I decided to plow through the class. I think I am a better person because of the things I have learned about hard work, time management, patience, and self-control. I have received many confirmations recently that it is important for me to continue my education. Several talks and articles have come my way that mentioned how important it is to get an education, both to be prepared in case I need to work, and also so that I can gain more knowledge and intelligence. I'm glad that even though it was really hard, I stuck with it. I have much to learn, but I have learned a lot of things about how to manage my time better and how to get things done while still giving my family the attention they need from me. I'm looking forward to changing schools this fall.

This morning Kevin woke up at around 6:10 crying pretty hard. He calmed down for a couple of minutes, but then started crying really hard again. It was strange because he normally doesn't wake up until 7:00 or 7:30. I was also surprised that he would not be consoled. Usually he calms down as soon as he's out of his room, but he continued to cry until I had nursed him, and then after that he cried even harder and was inconsolable. I put him on my shoulder, and he grabbed my hair with one hand and sucked his thumb on the other. That made him feel better, and he even dozed for a couple of minutes. He always sucks his left thumb, so a couple of times when I was holding him on the wrong side he would grab my hair with his left hand and then go to suck his right thumb, but then he couldn't do it because it was the wrong thumb. When we turned the lights on we realized his right eye was very swollen, so that might have been what the matter was, or he might have had a tummy ache or something. We talked about going to the doctor, and we gave Kevin some infant Tylenol, which seemed to help. At some point Kevin got ahold of the phone (which we were going to use to call the doctor) and called Grandma T's phone, so I guess she must have been awakened pretty early (sorry about that . . . ). But we talked to her for a couple of minutes about K being sick, and afterwards we decided to wait a little while to see if he started feeling better or not. Pretty soon he was back to his normal self, which was a relief. This may be surprising, but this is actually only the second time I can think of that K has been inconsolable like this, and other than getting the sniffles he hasn't really been sick. I know a lot of other babies have been very sick a few times by the time they're 10 months old, so I guess I've been pretty lucky and it's about time I had my turn. It was sort of nice that he wanted to just sit and be held, though. Usually he just wants to keep moving and doing things. It was nice of him to wait to get sick until after finals, too.

The biggest event of the day happened when I checked my email, though. (Not because I was checking my email, of course, but because of what was in the emails.) My mom had sent an email saying that my sister Michelle was in a car accident while in the driver's ed car. She was on the driver's side in the back seat and the car was hit on the driver's side by a car going 65 miles per hour. Fortunately, Michelle was not injured badly and came home that night, but the driver in the other car was killed. I am so grateful that Michelle was okay. I have had some strong impressions today that it was a miracle and that the hand of the Lord was in all this to protect her. I understand better now why it's important to pray for the safety and welfare of our loved ones and I feel more gratitude for the plan of salvation and the Atonement. Thank you, Heavenly Father, for preserving my sweet sister.

Miracles

While reading 3 Nephi in the part where Christ visits the people in the Americas and spends some time teaching them, I gained some new insights. On the first day when He was about to leave the people to ponder the things He had said until he returned the next day, "he cast his eyes round about again on the multitude, and beheld they were in tears, and did look steadfastly upon him as if they would ask him to tarry a little longer with them." (3 Ne. 17:5). Jesus invited the people to bring forward those who were sick and afflicted so that He could heal them, because "I perceive that ye desire that I should show unto you what I have done unto your brethren at Jerusalem, for I see that your faith is sufficient that I should heal you." (verse 8) I thought it was interesting that the people wanted to see the miracles that Christ had done in Jerusalem--it was not because they didn't believe He had done them, but because they had been taught from the scriptures that He would do this, believed that He could and would, and wanted to experience this incredible miracle themselves. Christ knew that they had faith in His power to heal, and so He healed their sick.

Unlike many of the people of Jerusalem who didn't believe Jesus was the Christ even though they saw Him perform miracles, the people of the Americas did believe He was the Christ (these people were the ones who were preserved from the disasters because they were more faithful). They didn't need to see Him heal the sick to believe. This is how Christ describes their faith: "So great faith have I never seen among all the Jews; wherefore I could not show unto them so great miracles, because of their unbelief. Verily I say unto you, there are none of them that have seen so great things as ye have seen; neither have they heard so great things as ye have heard." (3 Ne. 19:35-36) This makes me think about something that Christ said to the people in Jerusalem. Matthew, Mark, and Luke all have it in similar ways, but I will quote it from Mark: "For whosoever hath, to him shall be given, and he shall have more abundance: but whosoever hath not, from him shall be taken away even that he hath." (Mark 4:25) This is how it is changed with the Joseph Smith Translation: "For he that receiveth, to him shall be given; but he that continueth not to receive, from him shall be taken even that which he hath." Because they were willing to receive knowledge, they were given more, whereas those in Jerusalem who would not receive further light and truth lost what they had. The people in the Americas received a testimony that Christ could heal them, and not only were they shown this miraculous power, but they were also shown many more incredible miracles.

Let's look at some of the miracles they had the opportunity to witness:

1. He healed all those who were sick (3 Ne. 17:7-10)
2. He prayed to the Father in an incredible manner: "The eye hath never seen, neither hath the ear heard, before, so great and marvelous things as we saw and heard Jesus speak unto the Father; and no tongue can speak, neither can there be written by any man, neither can the hearts of men conceive so great and marvelous things as we both saw and heard Jesus speak; and no one can conceive of the joy which filled our souls at the time we heard him pray for us unto the Father. And it came to pass that when Jesus had made an end of praying unto the Father, he arose; but so great was the joy of the multitude that they were overcome." (3Ne. 17: 16-18) Not only was it an impressive prayer, but the people also felt inconceivable joy when they heard it, so great that they were overcome. He offers another prayer that was so incredible it could not be written in 3 Ne. 19:32-34.
   
3. He blessed their children, and then the people saw this amazing scene: "And as they looked to behold they cast their eyes towards heaven, and they saw the heavens open, and they saw angels descending out of heaven as it were in the midst of fire; and they came down and encircled those little ones about, and they were encircled about with fire; and the angels did minister unto them." (3 Ne. 17:24) That must have been a very special experience, to see their children in the midst of angels who were ministering to them. I think I would feel a great deal of joy and wonder to see angels ministering to my son.
4. On the second day, before Christ returned, the twelve whom Christ had chosen were baptized and prayed for the Holy Ghost. "And it came to pass when they were all baptized and had come up out of the water, the Holy Ghost did fall upon them, and they were filled with the Holy Ghost and with fire. And behold, they were encircled about as if it were by fire; and it came down from heaven, and the multitude did witness it, and did bear record; and angels did come down out of heaven and did minister unto them." (3 Ne. 19:13-14)
5. While the multitude was praying, Christ prayed three times, returning between the prayers to his disciples. When he came to his disciples, the account says that his countenance shone on them and they were whiter than anything that can be seen on earth. In His second prayer, Christ thanks the Father for purifying them, which suggests that they were not only white physically, but also spiritually--completely clean. (3 Ne. 19:25,28)
6. He produced enough bread and wine that everyone in the multitude could partake of the Sacrament--nobody had brought bread or wine. (3 Ne. 20:6-7)
   

Remember that these people had the privilege to see these miracles because they had such great faith. What strikes me is that these events, which are undeniably miraculous, are for the most part spiritual, not temporal. I think spiritual miracles are the most miraculous of all:

1. It is a miracle that we have the gift of the Holy Ghost. Through the Holy Ghost, we can be comforted, taught, purified, and guided. It is through the Holy Ghost that we gain testimonies of the gospel, become cleansed from our sins, and are led to serve and teach other people. It is a miracle that God still reveals information to us, whether through prophets or personal revelation.
   
2. It is a miracle that we can pray to our Heavenly Father. He hears every word, plus the things we don't/can't put into words. He understands and cares about the desires of our hearts. He knows how to answer our prayers in the way that will be best for us. It is a miracle that we can pray for a witness that something is true or for some guidance in a decision and then be taught the answer that we seek.
3. This earth is a miracle. It's a miracle that it was created in such a way that we could eat, breathe, and do all the things that are necessary to survive. It is a miracle that we have the opportunity to be here, that we have bodies and experiences that will teach us and prepare us for the time when we will again meet God.
   
4. The priesthood is a miracle. Because of the priesthood, we can be healed from both physical and spiritual infirmities. Because of the priesthood we can be baptized, partake of the sacrament, and receive the Holy Ghost and the endowment. Because of the priesthood we can be with our families forever and inherit eternal lives and God's kingdom.
   
5. It is a miracle that because of Jesus Christ, we can be purified even though we have sinned. Because of Him, we can still return to our Father in Heaven and receive exaltation if we will repent and come unto Him. It is a miracle that Christ loved us so much that he would suffer the pains of all men so that we would not have to suffer if we would repent.

I am grateful for the miracles God has blessed us with. I know that these miracles really do happen, and that they are the result of our Father's role in the events of this earth. He is not simply an omniscient, stern, uninvolved God--He is directly involved in all that happens on this earth. He will not stop us from choosing for ourselves, but He does bless us when we are obedient to the laws of the gospel, and if we want to do what is right, He will give us the experiences and information that we need in order to accomplish great things. Miracles will never cease.