to yell or not

I blogged previously about a parenting class we had for a Relief Society activity. Recently I've been thinking about what the teacher said about the ratio of positive to negative things said, and I've been wondering whether it's better to be neutral when I'm scolding Kevin or if I should say it firmly or yell. I have a good friend who I have always admired as a mother because of the way she handles disciplining her children. If they are doing something wrong she gets their attention, makes sure they are making eye contact with her, and takes time to talk with them about it--what they did wrong, why it is naughty or hurtful, what they should have done, if they should apologize, etc. Before Kevin was born I remember watching her and thinking how much I would like to be like that and not yell at my kids very much. As Kevin got older and was walking and started getting into all sorts of mischief, I started scolding very firmly and also yelling. I think it was because he did the same things over and over again and I felt like if I didn't yell or make something about my voice different then he wouldn't realize that he had done something wrong.

But recently I've been thinking about the importance of being positive, and also I've been remembering what the teacher said about how kids would rather get negative attention than no attention. So the last couple of days I've been experimenting with modifying my reactions to Kevin's misbehaviors. Rather than yelling or saying "No!" or "Stop it!" I've been trying to keep my voice more neutral and just steer him away from the bad behavior. I think my main observation so far is that it has more of an effect on my attitude than on Kevin's behavior. What I'm starting to realize is that Kevin will probably turn off the computer and throw food and try to color on walls whether I yell or ignore or tell him in a neutral voice to stop. I'm not sure why he does those things, because even at this age he shows some evidence of knowing he shouldn't do those things. The main difference I'm seeing is that I have a different attitude when I am purposefully not yelling. I am able to be more patient with him, and I can deal with it all a little better. And I am happier. Something that seems to naturally come from not yelling is that I give him more positive attention. For example, if he's gotten a hold of a permanent marker and is trying to color on the desk, I will take away the marker and show him how he can color on some paper with crayons or a pencil, and stay and help him color (so the crayon only goes on the paper and so he doesn't eat them). I think this is different from rewarding him for bad behavior. I'm finding that it takes more work to correct him in a neutral voice rather than in louder tones. I have to keep a close eye on him when he eats so that I can intercept flying cups or food and move them out of reach, for example, and I have to make a conscious effort to tell him calmly, for the zillionth time, that it's not okay to throw food when he's frustrated or done or bored. A lot of it involves taking more preventive measures, like putting things out of reach or locking doors or being fast enough to stop him from grabbing or throwing or breaking something. But something I've noticed is that often the right parenting technique is the one that takes more work and more consistency--and the reward is that you will get better outcomes and both you and your kids will be better people.

Have you thought about this problem? What were your conclusions? What worked and what didn't?

throwing away the dresser

A couple of days before Christmas, we decided it was finally time to throw away the dresser. It had three drawers, but two were broken, and it also had some doors with handles that were painful to use because they were sharp.

We frequently see furniture and other items left out by the dumpsters. We've even made some pretty good finds there. But we also see a lot of junk. Ripped up couches that are getting moldy because it rained on them. Tables with broken legs. Dressers with broken drawers, and the unbroken drawers won't shut. Bags of worn out clothes and pots and pans. Sometimes I make comments about how it is obviously junk and they should have just chucked it in the dumpster instead of leaving it beside it in case anybody wanted it. This is stuff that is not worth repairing, so don't leave it there to be an eyesore and make our nice apartment complex look like a scary place. But at the same time I can understand their thought process. It's furniture. It was expensive. It might still be useful to somebody if they were willing to put some work into it.

We were thinking similar things as we dismantled the dresser to take it to its final resting place. We had no intentions of leaving it beside the dumpster because it was junk. But it's still kind of hard to throw away furniture. It feels like there ought to be some use for all of the materials used to make it. People less fortunate than we are would love to have that dresser and use it until it disintegrated completely.

Then we wondered how we would get all the pieces to the dumpster, and we remembered the metal cart that used to be used for carrying in groceries, except the wheels started breaking and the handle would often bend. We were tired of the broken cart too and figured we might as well leave it with the dresser. So we loaded all the planks from the dresser into the cart and headed to the dumpster.

By the time we had made it halfway, we were wondering if the cart would make it to the garbage. Every time there was a bump that was too big, the handle would bend and the wheels would bend and it would get stuck. One wheel was dragging and leaving a continuous black mark along the sidewalk. About 100 feet from the dumpsters, the metal handle broke completely off, and we knew the cart had gone the way of all the earth (not that we needed evidence). If an inanimate object can ask to be thrown away, this one had done it. So we honored its last request. (Yes, Gina, it was your cart, the one you gave us before you moved. Hope you're not heartbroken.)

It feels good to throw things away. When we came back to the apartment I did a brief mental tour of our apartment and realized that I like our apartment better now that we have a little less stuff. Having stuff requires some mental energy. To some extent you think about it every day. And if it's something that probably should be disposed of, it's kind of a drain to still have it and to still be thinking about it. It's nice to get rid of a burden like that.

ICEs

In the class about teaching that I took at North Carolina State University a couple of years ago, one of the things they kept telling us we needed to do was to try to have the students figure out the concepts on their own, rather than just handing them the definition or telling them how things work right away. To demonstrate what they meant, they would give us activities to do without giving us enough background information. We spent the entire hour and a half doing the activity before we figured out what was going on, and it was incredibly frustrating, and in the end I only felt like I had picked up a couple of small concepts. Or they would tell us that instead of directly giving the answer to a student's question, we should ask them questions to guide them to the answer or have them keep trying or only give small hints. I never felt that it was effective when they used this method, nor had it been effective when I had tried to use it as a TA for Physical Science 100 at BYU.

Now, I don't want to completely discount what they were trying to encourage us to do. I do believe that there is value in giving students opportunities to discover concepts on their own. I think what was frustrating was that I believed they had a point, but I had never really seen anyone effectively use this principle.

This semester, I think I finally saw it happen, though. My mineralogy teacher uses this method effectively, and it doesn't even take 10 times as long as just giving a lecture. For most of our classes, he gave us In Class Exercises (ICEs), which we worked through with a partner while he and the TA walked around answering questions. The ICEs were generally about 6-8 pages long (it took a couple of weeks to get through one ICE), and they guided us through the process of figuring out the concepts he wanted us to learn. He gave us background information throughout the exercise, and he also asked very effective guiding questions that helped us apply the things we already knew. We often figured out the new concepts ourselves as we answered the questions on the ICE. Every so often he had "STOP!!" printed on the page, and when we got to that point we stopped working until everyone had caught up (we generally didn't have to wait very long). Then we discussed it all as a class to make sure everyone got it right or to get help where we all got stuck. So instead of handing out a lab with no background information and telling us to figure it out in an hour, he had a lesson plan that built up the concepts as we went along, so that we were still learning at a reasonable pace and not getting bored or too frustrated, and we were discovering things for ourselves. I found that classtime usually whizzed by and I felt actively engaged in learning the concepts.

I've been really excited to learn about this way of teaching. It's shown me that it really is possible to facilitate students figuring out new concepts themselves rather than just telling them everything. I guess in my heart I still see myself teaching science if I end up needing to get a job, because I find myself conjuring lesson plans in my head and thinking of ways to use ICEs to teach my students. Then again, I'm not so sure I want to go back to high school, not even as a teacher.

our little hamster

Today I was eating some cooked vegetables and Kevin wanted me to share. He was devouring them quite eagerly, shoving them into his mouth before he'd even finished the last mouthful (which is quite typical of him). I was pleased that he was eating vegetables so eagerly. Eventually he had had enough and was drinking some water when Ryan noticed his cheeks were puffed up. "Does he have something in his cheeks?" he asked. "Maybe one or two pieces of carrots," I replied. As Ryan squeezed his cheeks to check, Kevin stuck his tongue out and all the contents of his mouth fell all over the floor. Every single carrot he had put in his mouth had been stored in his cheeks. They weren't even chewed.

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happy news

Now that I've heard a heartbeat and had a midwife appointment confirm to me that everything is okay, I feel like I can share that we're going to have another baby sometime next June. I told several people early in the pregnancy because I just wasn't feeling very well and I had to have somebody to talk to about it, so I know the rumor has already spread a little bit among my friends here. But I haven't wanted to post anything about it on here yet because I was kind of afraid that I would make the announcement and then find out something was wrong and have to write on my public blog to explain before having a chance to process it all. I don't know why I was so worried about it because there wasn't any indication of a problem. At any rate, today I was finally able to see a midwife after having to reschedule my first appointment due to "inclement weather" (a light dusting of snow), and there is a heartbeat and it's nice and strong. I was really expecting that once I heard a heartbeat it would start to feel real that we're going to have another baby, but even now it hasn't fully sunk in. We're very excited.

In answer to some of the questions you will probably want to ask . . .

I'm about 3 1/2 months along. Kevin and the baby will be about 23 months apart.

I've been feeling sicker this time around than with Kevin. The food aversions are a little bit worse and I kind of just feel blah. But it's getting better. I've even been eating chicken this week.

We will probably have an ultrasound next month to make sure everything is okay, at which point we will also find out if the baby is a girl or boy.

Yes, we've thought of some names, but we're keeping that a secret.

I am getting prenatal care at the Women's Birth and Wellness Center. It's a different group of midwives than I saw last time. I think I will really like this place. They do all of the same tests and checks as the other midwives did with Kevin, but I feel like the attitude of the place is different. There's more emphasis on allowing me choices in my care and explaining the purpose of various procedures and tests, and my comfort is really important to them. And when the baby is born they do everything for the baby right there in front of you, often with the baby in your arms. Even if the baby needs a little oxygen, if they can they bring the oxygen to the baby rather than taking the baby away somewhere. Sometimes with Kevin I felt like I had to work pretty hard to get the nurses to bring him back to me if they had taken him somewhere for a bath or whatever, so I really like this way of doing things. The person who did my blood work today was awesome--I only felt a tiny prick, so I assumed she had changed her mind and hadn't put the needle in yet, but then I looked over and realized the needle was in and she had taken most of the samples already! I barely felt a thing! They have also been very up front with me about how much things will cost and what the costs are for, which I thought was awesome. Nobody ever told me anything about that when I was pregnant with Kevin, and it was very frustrating for me to have no idea how much things were going to cost. The only answers I could ever get were that it's hard to say because people have different insurance and every pregnancy is different, but I always felt like I should have been able to get a ballpark estimate for what a normal birth costs. I don't understand why cost always seems to be a taboo subject with healthcare.

I breastfed Kevin until I was about 2 1/2 months pregnant, and at that point he stopped on his own. I was thinking of stopping earlier than that because I was afraid that it was making me feel even more sick (although he was only nursing for a couple of minutes per day), but after praying about it I had a feeling that I needed to continue a little longer until he was ready to be done, and for us it worked out really well. If we had stopped earlier, I would have felt really sad and Kevin would have had a hard time because he wasn't ready. But after only a few more weeks Kevin was ready, and when he was done I felt satisfied too. I didn't notice any difference in morning sickness before and after we were done with breastfeeding. So that was my experience with breastfeeding while pregnant. It's been a great relationship-building experience for both of us and has provided us both with many benefits, and I am grateful that for Kevin and I breastfeeding was such a positive thing.

sweet potato fries

Recently I found a recipe for sweet potato fries and wanted to try it out. It seems like usually yams are a sweet dish (they are sweet potatoes, after all), so it's kind of fun to have yams with salt on them for a change. Here's my recipe (modified to bake in the oven).

Preheat the oven to 425 degrees.

Cut up 1 lb. of sweet potatoes (one large or two medium). You can cut them into fries or cubes or slices. 

Place the sweet potatoes in a bowl, and mix in 1 Tbsp. of olive/vegetable oil, 1/2 tsp. salt, and 1/4 tsp. pepper.

Spray a cookie sheet lightly with cooking spray.

Bake fries for about 20 minutes, stirring occasionally. They are done when they are softened. You can bake them a little longer or broil them for a couple of minutes to get them crispy.

books and school and Christmas prep

A while back, I wrote a couple of posts about The Goose Girl, by Shannon Hale. (here and here) I was pretty critical of the book. But I went on to read the second and third books in the series (Enna Burning and River Secrets), and I actually really enjoyed them. They were annoyingly descriptive like The Goose Girl, and sometimes there was some really awkward and out of place dialogue (like that weird "red egg of the omen" thing in Enna Burning--I think it was supposed to be funny, but it was just really awkward). They were a little sappy sometimes. (Ryan couldn't stand to listen to them when he was in the car with me.) They're definitely young adult fiction. But I really enjoyed the plots of the books. I thought they were original and interesting and I enjoyed seeing the conflicts unfold and get resolved. I particularly enjoyed Enna's perspective as she struggled to control her firespeaking abilities and ended up hurting other people and struggled to forgive herself. I thought it was very realistic and said a lot about the way we feel when we sin, especially when the sin hurts those we love the most. Both books give some interesting insights into temptation and what can happen if we let our temptations get control of us. So I don't know that I'm retracting my previous thoughts about The Goose Girl, but I thought I should add that I have enjoyed the next two books in the series, and will probably try to find the fourth book. The audio book version is actually quite good, although the voices tend to augment the sappiness and awkwardness sometimes. They have a different voice for each of the main characters of the story, so it's kind of like listening to a play instead of the same person reading all the parts.

We watched a clip from MSNBC the other day that showed excerpts from an interview with Sarah Palin, followed by MSNBC people's thoughts about what she said. (Sorry, I have no idea where it is because Ryan was the one who was reading the page.) Sarah Palin was asked about what she likes to read, and one of the things she said was that she enjoys reading C.S. Lewis when she wants a little inspiration. One of the guys on MSNBC laughed really hard about that and thought it was really funny that she gets her inspiration from The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe--because, after all, that's just a kid's book. Obviously he hasn't read The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe, or the rest of the series (which are inspiring books, especially the one he made fun of), nor does he know about Mere Christianity, The Screwtape Letters, and other books that C.S. Lewis wrote. They're not quite the same as Junie B. Jones or The Magic Treehouse.

I've recently been reading Susan Cooper's The Dark is Rising series. I've never read them before, but I think they are great. The story is original and intriguing and I find it very inspiring.

Schoolwise, the semester turned out pretty well. I got good grades in both of my classes and I'm still sane. After a review for my mineralogy class, I asked my teacher if I could get some help with a couple of concepts that I didn't quite understand, so he handed me his tinker toys (very helpful when you're talking about the structures of minerals, actually) and helped me figure it out. Then when I was done, he told me I'm doing well in the class and that I'm one of the people he would like to recommend to people who are looking for undergrads to do research with them. He said I really should start doing some research and even introduced me to a professor. I could either do research for pay or for credit. So I'm going to start looking at some of the different faculty members here and what they are studying so that I can start doing that too. It would probably only be a couple of hours a week. It will be helpful to be involved in something like this while I'm here so I can get a better idea of what I'm interested in and also be more qualified to work if I need to once I'm done with school. I really feel blessed to have these opportunities available to me right now.

One of the difficult things about being in school is that it makes it kind of hard to get ready for Christmas because the first half of December is consumed by finals and other end-of-semester type things. Now that my finals are all done I finally have some time to do some shopping and preparing. Next year maybe I should get all the shopping done before school starts, although it's kind of hard to know that far in advance what someone as little as Kevin will enjoy. We still haven't decided about a Christmas tree yet because we know Kevin will probably tear it to bits, but I'm starting to feel like I would at least like one for a few days. We've at least taken out the advent calendar--and we hung it up quite high because we quickly realized Kevin was just going to pull on it if we left it in its usual place. We took Kevin to Target and let him play with a few different toys, and then we chose a couple of the ones he liked the most. Ryan and I got some Christmas presents, but it seemed kind of silly to wrap them up when we already know what they are and they are things we just want to start using. It's a lot more fun to give presents to other people than to think of things you want yourself, I guess. The only thing I can think of that I want is some new clothes, but the main problem with that is that the clothes in the stores are all so ugly. Is a plain t-shirt that's thick enough to be worn by itself too much to ask? Because it's been a long time since I've seen one. I've seen a lot of skulls and leopard prints, though.

how to prepare for college

I've been thinking lately about some of the things I would or wouldn't have done differently during high school and my first couple of years of college, and I thought I would share my list and some suggestions since I have several relatives, including one of my sisters, who will soon be in college.

• One of the things they told me a lot in high school was that if you want to get scholarships or get into a good college, you have to be involved in lots of clubs. Yes, it's important to be involved. But if I could do it again, I would have aimed a little harder for quality instead of quantity. I wouldn't have bothered to stay in the clubs that had a boring meeting every week but did nothing but have a few uninteresting activities every school year. The best clubs were the ones where I participated in most of the activities, had a leadership role, and had a good relationship with the adult leader. Those were the clubs where I made good memories, felt like I was making a difference, built up experiences and accomplishments that were worth mentioning in scholarship essays, and found people who would write good and meaningful letters of recommendation for me.
• Same goes for service. Definitely do a lot of service, but make sure it's meaningful and that you feel like you're making a difference. One of my favorite service projects was Lunch Buddies, where I ate lunch a couple of times per month with the same elementary school girl, who needed an opportunity to have the good example of an older person.
• Take the hardest classes your school offers (without overloading yourself!). GPA is very important, but so is your ACT or SAT score, and if you take higher math classes and other difficult classes, it will help you learn to think about more difficult concepts and the ACT and SAT will not be as difficult. Also, I felt that because I had taken the hardest classes I could, the transition to college was not as difficult for me. Difficult exams were not new to me in college because I had already been taking difficult exams in high school.
• Do some research before taking AP classes or classes that offer credit for both high school and college. See if the colleges you are looking into accept those credits, and also find out if those credits will be useful in college (i.e. if they will count as a general education class or a class for your major). Also think about if you're planning to take more classes in that subject. I took Spanish for dual credit in high school even though I figured I would probably take more Spanish in college. Then when I got to college I realized it was a waste of money to pay for those credits when I knew I would be taking more Spanish. I also took a class about computers for dual credit, and it has never counted as anything useful--general education or major classes. However, dual credit or AP classes can be useful--for example, if you have an idea of what you will major in and you know you will not need more math classes, then it's a good idea to take a dual credit math class while you're still in high school because that will save you time. Most people don't have a hard time getting enough credits to graduate from college--and if you do have some more credits to earn before graduating, then you can use that for something fun or useful.
• Stay close to your high school counselor. I went to my counselor at the beginning of my junior year and explained to her that my parents probably wouldn't be able to contribute very much money to my education, so I would need all the help I could get with scholarships and such. She often called me in to her office to tell me about a scholarship I could apply for or a job I could try to get. Most of the scholarships I received were ones that she had pointed out to me.
• Save money to pay for your education. Don't just rely on your parents or grants or scholarships. Your education will be a lot more meaningful to you if you have been working hard to pay for it yourself. I saved almost all of the money that I earned through my jobs, but I often wonder if I could have found more ways to earn money if I had just looked harder.
• Try to decide on a major before starting college. It's really helpful to be able to jump right into your major when you get there, rather than taking lots of different classes and hoping you'll find your passion. One really useful thing that I didn't know about was that you can look up the classes that you have to take for the different majors. At BYU they're called MAPS, at other schools they're called degree audits or other things. Look at the various majors and read through the list of classes that you have to take for each major, and also look at possible careers that major could prepare you for. However, it's pretty common for people get to college and then after a year or so realize that they actually want to do something else. I went through all of high school thinking science was awful, and then I got to BYU and took some science classes from people who were actually good teachers, and I realized that I actually really like science, and now I am studying geology. What ended up happening was that I have all of my general education requirements finished (because I was trying to at least accomplish something while I was figuring out what to major in), so now I'm doing just the science classes, which can be kind of draining.
• Make your college education useful. Choose a course of study that will make you a better person, enable you to use your talents to help other people, prepare you for a job, etc. It's a big investment, so think of it that way, not just as the next thing after high school.
• Don't rule out a technical or trade school. There's nothing wrong with studying to be a mechanic or a construction worker or whatever else you can learn at a technical school, and you come away with valuable skills that enable you to work.
• I felt that in high school a lot of learning was by rote memorization. College learning is more conceptual. You've got to understand concepts and be able to apply them to many different problems. If you can figure out how to do that, you will be much more successful, and your education will also be a richer experience.
• Learn how to cook and buy food before you go to college. Homemade food is cheaper and healthier than prepackaged or restaurant food, and if you are already confident with cooking a variety of foods, then making your own meals will not be hard. Also, once you're in college, try to have a little bit of food storage. I'm not necessarily talking about 50-lb. bags of wheat. But I found it comforting to have things like a couple of extra cans of spaghetti sauce or extra bags of rice or pasta.
• The For the Strength of Youth pamphlet still applies when you're in college. Watch wholesome movies, listen to clean music, look for uplifting entertainment, and even when you start to date exclusively, continue to follow the standards given by the church leaders. I know that might seem kind of obvious, but I was very surprised when I got to BYU to find that there were actually a lot of people who seemed to think that those things didn't apply anymore, or not as stringently. In particular, I found that the sections about dating and sexual purity were very helpful when I wanted to know what the limits should be for a boyfriend and girlfriend or two people who are engaged. I had a wonderful roommate who told me about "Celestial dating," and I strongly believe that Ryan and I were blessed because we "dated Celestially" as we prepared for a Celestial marriage in the temple.

Knowledge, a Gift of the Spirit

Today we talked about gifts of the Spirit in Relief Society. It was a lovely lesson and I learned a lot from all that was said.

One of the topics that came up was the gift of wisdom vs. the gift of knowledge. Ever since I was in Young Womens, when we read that there was the gift of knowledge and the gift of wisdom, the explanation I got was something to the effect that knowledge is good, but it's useless unless you have wisdom, and wisdom was defined as actually applying the knowledge. This was the explanation that we got again today, and of course this also led to a discussion about the problem of being "learned" but not hearkening to God, as explained in 2 Nephi 9:28:

"O that cunning plan of the evil one! O the vainness, and the frailties, and the foolishness of men! When they are learned they think they are wise, and they hearken not unto the counsel of God, for they set it aside, supposing they know of themselves, wherefore, their wisdom is foolishness and it profiteth them not. And they shall perish."

I do agree that it is a problem to believe that we are smart enough that we don't need to hearken to God anymore. I don't want to give the impression that I disagree with that.

But as I listened to this discussion today, I got the feeling that this was wrong in the context of discussion the gifts of the Spirit. I don't think we are completely understanding knowledge if we always dismiss the gift of knowledge when we discuss gifts of the Spirit. If knowledge is a gift of the Spirit, then it must be something that God would want us to seek, something that we can use to build His kingdom and bless other people and draw closer to God.

I felt that I should look it up in the scriptures and found that knowledge has an entry in the bible dictionary, which transformed my view of what the gift of knowledge is. I encourage you to look up the entire entry yourself, here. Here are some things that I learned:

• Knowledge is essential for our salvation. If we want to develop a divine nature, to be like God, then we must have knowledge.
• We cannot be saved in ignorance--we must have knowledge of God, and of his ways and works. This knowledge does not come in one revelation, not even for a prophet. It comes line upon line, a little at a time.
• From what the BD says, my conclusion is that the knowledge we are talking about when we discuss gifts of the Spirit is spiritual knowledge. It is the knowledge that we gain by studying the scriptures and the words of the prophets, and by seeking and following personal revelation that reveals eternal truths to us.
• In the verses in 2 Peter (cited in the BD entry), it says to "add to your faith virtue; and to virtue knowledge . . . " The way he says this suggests already having faith and virtue, and then adding the knowledge to those. This suggests to me that the knowledge he is talking about is not something that is unused--it is something that is received after we already have faith and virtue, which are characteristic of action, and therefore I would think that knowledge is also a principle of action.

I guess after learning these things, I'm still left with the question of, "What is the difference between the gift of knowledge and the gift of wisdom?" In fact, it seems even more complicated than before. So I guess I'll have to do more studying, because I don't know how to answer that question. Maybe the line between knowledge and wisdom is kind of fuzzy. I just wanted to point out that it's important to understand that the gift of knowledge is very important. It is something that involves learning incredible and beautiful things--things that are essential to know if we are to become like God and achieve our full potential. I think in the scriptures the word knowledge means something somewhat different than the definition the world would give it.

I also would like to add that I am not saying that secular knowledge is bad or not worth seeking. I do think that spiritual knowledge should have a priority over secular knowledge, but I believe that God wants us to also seek out secular knowledge as much as we can. I will never forget the video I saw once of President Hinckley, in which he marveled at the many things we have learned about chemistry and the many ways that knowledge of chemistry has blessed us in the latter days. My studies of geology have truly increased my faith in God. There have been many times as I have walked out of a class or a lab that I have paused and realized that I could feel the Spirit. At those times I felt even more awed at all of the things that God knows, and all of the planning He did to make a place for His children to have mortal lives. From my own experience I know that if we approach secular learning with a humble attitude and faith in God, the secular knowledge will make us better. Neal A. Maxwell said something once at Education Week that explains this very well:

"I now hasten to add, having said these preliminary things, that the role of secular knowledge is very important. Latter-day Saints should have all the genuine excitement others have in the traditional adventure of learning, including learning secular truths, and we should have a little more. In fact, when we are so learning and so behaving, we are truly “about [our] Father’s business.” This should bring to us a special and genuine zest for learning.

"Furthermore, those of us who have spent much of our lives involved with traditional education regard it as one of mankind’s most useful, productive, and cost-beneficial enterprises. It is even more beneficial, however, when it has the added spiritual dimension. Moreover, secular education wisely does not pretend to give us answers to the great “Why?” questions—any more than you and I would read a telephone directory in search of a plot." (Neal A. Maxwell, "The Inexhaustible Gospel", Ensign, Apr. 1993, 68)

oops

I pushed the Publish Post button instead of the Save Now button while I was working on my previous post. I've added more to it. So if you read this blog by Google Reader or email you might want to go to the actual post to see the rest of what I wrote.

Well, this afternoon was my Calculus final. Unless I did a really horrible job on it (i.e. less than 50%), I should pass the class. So I sold my book back on the way home. We already have two other Calculus books, so I'm pretty sure that will be enough for me to use in the future if I need to look something up. It's quite a relief to be done with this class. It's been a hard semester. But I'm done with all my math for my degree. I still have two semesters of physics (probably calculus-based) and another chemistry class to take, so the really hard classes aren't over yet, but I'm over one of the highest hurdles. It's pretty neat to think of all of the things I've learned since high school. When I graduated, I would never have expected that I would go on to take Calculus 3 and several of those really hard science classes and major in Geology.

We had our quarterly Relief Society activity on Thursday. It was a beautiful program with a reader's theater featuring several of the women in Christ's life, as well as several musical numbers. I ended up volunteering to play the piano for three of the pieces (one women's trio singing Mary's Lullaby, one soloist singing Gesu Bambino, and one flutist playing Bring a Torch, Jeanette Isabella), so I was kept busy throughout the week with practicing those, and I am also on the Relief Society activities committee, so I also helped decorate and "undecorate" the Relief Society room for the activity. When it was all over, though, I was grateful that I had helped as much as I could even though I had a lot of studying to do. I could tell that many of the women who came had felt the Spirit, so that made it worthwhile to me, to know that I had helped other people draw closer to Christ. It was also very fun to spend time talking with my friends in the ward and eating all the yummy treats--we had a lot of really delicious food! At the last minute I asked Ryan to come help with the nursery because we had had a hard time finding men from the Elders Quorum to were able to do it (because they were all taking care of their kids at home so their wives could come), so Ryan and Kevin came along and helped watch kids, eat the leftover food, and take down decorations.

Yesterday we had the new sister missionaries over for dinner. Again, even though I had studying to do I was grateful that I had taken the time for something spiritual. They left a spirit of peace in our home. I don't know if anyone else has noticed this, but recently I have noticed that the missionaries have been doing a lot more to encourage us to think about ways to share the gospel. For example, when we had the elders over for dinner a while ago, they asked us to specifically think of people who would be receptive to the message of the gospel and write their names down along with a way we could help them feel the spirit. I'm a little more used to them saying, "Well, if you know of anyone who would like to talk to us, feel free to let us know," but I think this new approach is good because it has helped me to feel even more that it is my job to find people for the missionaries to teach, and to think of specific ways I could bring up the gospel with people I know who are not of our faith.

Telling the stories of Jesus

I've been thinking this year that I wanted to do something Christ-centered with Kevin in the days leading up to Christmas. I've seen people who do some really cute things, and maybe in future years I can see myself doing that, but for now I just can't see Kevin appreciating those things. He doesn't have a very long attention span, and the cutesy things would just get torn up or he wouldn't notice. But I still wanted to do something. I wanted him to feel the Spirit testify to him of Christ this year. So I've been pondering about it over the last few weeks.

One night I was lying in bed thinking about it again, and for some reason I heard Elder Neil L. Andersen's voice from his talk in General Conference in April 2010, saying, "Tell Me the Stories of Jesus." (I must really like this apostle, I guess, because his talks keep coming up when I need some answers--like when I blogged about it here.) And I felt that I should tell Kevin a story about Jesus every day as we get closer to Christmas. So I decided to use the gospel art book, and every day I will use one of the pictures and the story that goes with it and tell Kevin the story. It will probably only last a minute or two most times because that's about what his limit is.

Today Kevin was getting frustrated. He was trying to play with a little riding toy, but it was hard when it bumped into things or when he had a difficult time climbing onto it, and it eventually melted into Kevin kicking the toy repeatedly and crying, and then getting mad when he looked up again because the toy was still there and still being uncooperative. At this point I remembered that I was going to start telling him the stories about Jesus today and felt like maybe I should do that now and then put him down for a nap. I wasn't feeling too optimistic considering his emotional state, but I figured that it's good just to do it, so I got out the gospel art book and flipped to the first page with a picture of Jesus. On the left side there was a picture of Jesus, and on the right side there was a beautiful picture of space with dust clouds and stars and galaxies and another picture of the earth from space. So I sat down in a chair with the pictures and pointed to the picture of Jesus and said, "Look, Kevin. This is Jesus." And I told him about how Jesus created the earth for us, and how he also promised that he would come live on the earth himself and suffer for our sins and die for us so that we would be able to repent and be resurrected. You know what? He actually calmed down and stood there and looked at the pictures, and somehow I knew that he had felt the Spirit. It was such a wonderful moment, and I was grateful for the guidance that I received to do this with Kevin. I don't know if every time will be like this, but we'll do our best, and this was a confirmation to me that Kevin really is getting something out of it.

a little guessing game

Guess how much I spent for all of this food.

Yes, that's Ryan's head in the top left hand corner. He thought it would be funny to jump into the picture.

I've been getting a little disenchanted with couponing lately. It's not so much that I don't like clipping the coupons and making the list. I still enjoy seeing how much I've saved. I do feel like it has made a difference in our budget and that it helps us have more money to spend on things like produce. It's just that it's getting harder to find a good time to go grocery shopping. A grocery trip usually takes a couple of hours, whether I clipped coupons or not. That's time that could be spent doing homework or getting dinner ready on time or spending quality time with my friends or with Ryan and Kevin. If I go during the day, Kevin has to come, and that's a pretty long time for him (for those moms who do it with three kids or even more, I really admire you). And it's hard to find a good time to get my list and my coupons ready. If I can just get some uninterrupted time, it doesn't take very long, but if Kevin is underfoot then it's really stressful because he will reach up and take/crumple/scatter everything. Lately I've been getting groceries late at night because Ryan is home and Kevin is in bed, but I don't like to go out in the dark or lose my evening with Ryan. Plus, at night the grocery stores generally just have the self-checkout lines open, which I think is a pain, especially when I'm buying enough stuff that there's not enough room for it in the bagging area, and if you try to move things the computer tells you to put it all back. I ended up doing two transactions because I knew it would never all fit.

So anyway, because of all those things I've found myself skipping grocery shopping lately even if there are some good sales, because I just don't feel like going. But today I decided to make my grocery trip anyway, and when I walked out I realized I had gotten a ton of stuff and hadn't even spent very much. So I guess I'm going to keep watching sales and matching my coupons after all.

My total spent was $18.93. How much would you have guessed?