Semester of Horror

I had to take my second calculus test yesterday. I was not ready and did not have enough time to memorize the formulas or practice enough problems. Normally I like to be well-prepared for my tests and I usually have a pretty good idea before I take the test if I am ready or not, and if I'm not prepared I can't think clearly, which means I make silly mistakes (90% of the time involving negative signs) and forget how to do problems. I do think I will pass the test, but I'm not going to get the grade that I know I could have earned if I had had more time.

On the way home after taking the test, I was thinking about the trials I am facing right now. I'm very much a perfectionist. I know that in the eternal scheme of things it won't matter much what grade I got in this class, but I tend to forget that. I felt as I drove home that this semester is a trial that I am experiencing because I have things to learn. One thing I need to learn is to look at things with an eternal perspective and place the highest value on the things that will ultimately matter most. I am learning to humbly recognize and be grateful for the gifts and blessings God has given me, and to recognize that without the Savior there would be no hope of salvation.

The most important thing I realized was that if I do nothing but complain every time I have some trial, I'm not going to get much out of my earth life. I came to earth to learn things that I couldn't have learned if I had remained a spirit, and it's necessary for me to have experiences that are hard for me so that I can progress. I looked up "endure" in the index of my triple combination, and many of the verses speak not just of enduring, but of enduring well, enduring faithfully, and enduring valiantly. That's how hard things make us better--because we try to be faithful, valiant, and happy even though something is hard. Then when we make it through the trial, we are better because we have developed and progressed spiritually.

It also occurred to me that it would be really good for me to give an account of all of my sufferings to someone in Haiti. Maybe then I would quit my whining. I am truly blessed to be able to attend school, to live in a nice apartment, to have a pantry full of food, to have plenty of clean water coming out of the tap, to be healthy, to have a wise and supportive husband and a sweet and beautiful son, and especially to have the gospel in my life.