unspoken, but unequivocal, rules about food (as established by two-year-olds)

• If I didn't get to dip my food myself, and I remember after the fact that I wanted to do it myself, the food is unfit for consumption.
• If I want more than you gave me, but you insist that I must wait until I finish what I have, the food I already have is unfit for consumption.
• If I wanted to do the salt myself and you did it for me, I will not eat the food.
• If I refuse to eat my food, you are still not allowed to eat it because it's still MY FOOD.
• If my brother doesn't like his peas, then I don't like my peas either.
• I can only eat if I am leaning my entire body on the table, hanging mostly over the chair beside mine, with one foot on my chair for balance.
• It is unsafe to have a small crumb or smudge of sauce on my fingers, and you must immediately wash it off before something dreadful happens to me.
• Do not put the food straight into my mouth. I must hold it first.
• I am entitled to unlimited bites of your toast, even if I have already had my own breakfast.
• If there are grapes in the fridge, I deserve to eat them.
• Food tastes better if I'm eating it on the couch.
• If I don't like it, I will not tolerate its presence on my plate.