thoughts about prayer

After Kevin was lost, and thankfully found again, at the park a few weeks ago, I pondered a lot about prayer. While we were looking for him, I said many prayers, both aloud and in my heart, and so did my friends. I told my Heavenly Father that I couldn't live without Kevin, that our family needed him, and pleaded that He would send Kevin back to us. While I had faith that a miracle could happen, at the time I was also afraid of what would happen if my prayers were not answered in the way I hoped. I knew that the gospel is true and that I would not give up my faith in God if something happened to Kevin, but I was also afraid of the effects that would have on my testimony. I wasn't sure if God would change what was going to happen just because I asked for it. I worried that the only reason for my prayers was to get me communicating with God, and not to actually change the outcome of this situation.

I talked to Ryan about this later, and I think these feelings came from something we often talk about in church which is summarized in the Bible Dictionary of the LDS scriptures: "Prayer is the act by which the will of the Father and the will of the child are brought into correspondence with each other. The object of prayer is not to change the will of God but to secure for ourselves and for others blessings that God is already willing to grant but that are made conditional on our asking for them." In my prayers, I was afraid to pray for what I wanted because I was afraid that it was not the will of God. I was afraid that my prayers, while helpful because I was communicating with God, would not change what was going to happen. If the purpose of prayer was to align my will with God's will, I wasn't sure if I could pray with faith because I knew that I could never make it my will to lose my own child even if it was God's will. I realize this was a misconception, but I've heard it enough in church that it was still there in my subconscious. (I also don't think it is ever God's will for someone's child to die--even if he does not always prevent it from happening, I believe that he always shares our sorrow when it does happen.)

Ryan pointed out that there are abundant examples in the scriptures of times when prayer has changed the course of events. The records of the Nephites were preserved because many people prayed for it. Nephi asked God to send a famine to humble the Nephites rather than have them destroy themselves because of their wickedness and contentions. The people of Jared were given light when they crossed the ocean because the brother of Jared asked for it. Many people were healed by Christ because they asked--if they hadn't asked, would it still have happened? Probably not. There are many times in the scriptures when phrases like, "Ask and ye shall receive" are used. It seems clear that God wants us to ask him for blessings. Asking can make things happen that would not have happened otherwise. It's true that sometimes He doesn't give us the blessing we ask for. But I don't think that means that the only reason to ask is so that our will can be aligned with God's. That is very important too, but I think when we study and teach about prayer, it is important that we remember that God does intervene on our behalf if we ask for it, so it's okay to ask God to bless us with our righteous desires, and we don't have to feel guilty if he says no, because it is no sin to ask if it is a righteous request. And if the answer is not what we wanted, it's also okay to ask why, or to at least ask to be given understanding and comfort. God knows our trials and our pains, and he realizes that we don't see what he sees, so I think it is to be expected that he will be understanding and compassionate if we are confused or hurt or disappointed by his answers, as long as we also try to be humble and faithful.

I think this makes sense if you understand the relationship we have with God. He is our Heavenly Father and we are his children. My dad once told me that if we (my siblings and I) came to him with righteous desires, he always tried to help us have them if it was possible. Our relationship with God is the same. He won't give us everything we want, and he can't always prevent bad things from happening to us, but he wants to bless us, and he wants us to ask.