October photo dump

Can you spot what's hiding in this picture?

I french braided Ann Marie's hair one day and when we took it out her hair was super curly! So beautiful!

Ann Marie and I went to Steed's Dairy for a preschool field trip. She probably spent 2/3 of the time in this playhouse with babies and a play kitchen, which is what she does at home anyway, so...glad I spent $5 for her to do that somewhere else. She did eventually move on and try some other activities, including disappearing for a few minutes :(.

I had my second ultrasound and we found out we're having another girl! To celebrate I made a chocolate silk pie with pink whipped cream.

I've thought several times about how well the timing worked out. October would have been the due date for the baby we lost last March. It was nice to have happy news from the ultrasound at a time that would have been a little sad. Baby Girl will also be arriving around the "anniversary" of the miscarriage. It's continued to be a healthy pregnancy and I'm hopeful that this will be our rainbow baby. I still wonder what will happen to the baby we lost. Ryan and I both felt that that baby was going to get another body. I'm not sure, but I don't really feel like this baby is the same spirit.

The vincas finally died, so I put the last of the pretty ones in a vase and pulled the rest out of the garden. I'm definitely planting more of these this year!

Kevin's cowboy costume:

Richard Elliot (organist for the Tabernacle Choir) came to Augusta to play at St. Mary On the Hill Catholic Church, and I was able to go! It was so fantastic! I cried a few times!

I was on a chicken salad sandwich kick for a while, and one day Ann Marie said she wanted what I was having, but without the chicken or mayonnaise. This was the resulting sandwich:

Halloween decorations:

I promise the kids had a good time trick or treating! I asked Heidi why she wouldn't smile and she said, "I don't like creepy stuff." I was going to make costumes again this year, but when we got to Goodwill they had lots of princess costumes for $10, which is less than I would have paid for the materials to make costumes, so we went with princess dresses for the girls and found supplies for Kevin's cowboy costume. So we had a cowboy, Cinderella, and Rapunzel. I also picked up two more princess dresses for Christmas presents.

We went trick or treating with our friends the Martins and the Ahlstroms. It was so fun to go with friends. The kids' buckets were overflowing by the time we got home, and they were very generous to share with Ryan and me.

Kevin's teacher emailed me this picture and said, "What a great way to start off this Friday!  These 2 boys were spotted sitting together with their Social Studies books out and were reading and talking history together.  They spent 30 min. together this morning and I hated to break it up to start our day.  Love it!!" It made me happy too!

September Photo Dump

We had a ward party at Camp Helaman. They made a giant slip n slide with a huge tarp and soapy water, and all the kids had a fantastic time. The bishop joined in too. They had a dessert contest, and we won with Mindy's amazing chocolate chip cookie recipe. (The prize was a huge container of animal crackers.) They had a game where the kids/youth could put a pie in the bishop's face if they answered a scripture question correctly. It was a really fun time, although it was kind of bittersweet because we knew that they were going to be rearranging ward boundaries the next day and many of us would end up in different wards.

We got hit by the edge of Hurricane Irma. There was some heavy wind and rain. In the afternoon the power got knocked out and it didn't come back on until 3:00 am the next morning, so that was a little challenging. The kids had actually never experienced a power outage before (thank you, generators at UNC), so this was really different for them. At first Kevin thought he could just fix it by turning the lights on and off really fast, which of course didn't work. At one point after they had gotten used to no power, Ann Marie ran into our bedroom and then came back out saying, "Mom, the batteries are burned out in your bedroom too!" We tried playing some games while there was still some light, and then I ended up reading Alan Mendelsohn, the Boy from Mars out loud for quite a while. Eventually it was too dark to see and I read some more with a flashlight. That was a nice memory. Since the power was still out, we were trying not to open the fridge or freezer so we could save the food, and we ended up having things like crackers and granola bars for dinner. It worked okay. I had bought some canned soup so we would have something easy to make if the power went out, but that didn't really work out since we had no way to cook it with rain outside and no camp stove or anything. That was the only meal we had to worry about since the power was back on by morning. My phone died, so that was stressful (it didn't want to turn on again in the morning even after being plugged in for a while), but I guess it wasn't a huge problem considering the flooded and damaged homes that people were dealing with in Florida and Texas, and especially Puerto Rico.

Here are some pictures of our yard after the storm. As you can see, we didn't really have any damage. Lots of leaves and pine needles to clean up and one branch, but no big problems.

A couple of weeks later, Ryan went down to Jacksonville, Florida, with some other people from the ward to help with clean-up there. They left Friday evening and came back on Sunday. They ended up in this neighborhood where a tornado had gone right down the street, and literally every house had some trees down. The people were very grateful for the help getting branches and fallen trees moved.

They would move all the branches and stumps to the side of the road to be picked up.

This shows a tree that was completely uprooted.

Another huge tree that was uprooted.

And this tree was reduced to matchsticks.

Even though we missed Ryan and it was hard to have him gone all weekend, I was grateful that he was able to go and help. There was so much damage caused by the hurricane and I'm glad we could make some contribution to help make things better.

Ryan took this picture of Saturn one night.

Heidi had a music performance at the school. Their music teacher does a wonderful job.

Ryan found Woody like this. I think we all feel this way sometimes. :)

Kevin had a class project about the Georgia coastal plain. He made a diorama showing what landscape, plants, and animals can be found in the ocean and on the coast of Georgia.

I had my first doctor appointment, and he did an ultrasound. This shows her head and upper body, and her hand up by her face. I guess we are getting our fourth thumb-sucker. (Speaking of which, Kevin gave up thumb-sucking a couple of months ago. We tried some of the gross-tasting nail polish stuff, which helped, and after a few applications of that he decided he was done and hasn't sucked his thumb since.)

One Friday night I thought we would make personal pizzas. The kids were completely confused and at first refused to make their own, but after a while they figured it out. I thought they'd be excited.

Ann Marie and I usually get new library books on Thursdays after story time. Thursday evenings are my favorite because when Kevin and Heidi get home from school they immediately start reading all the new books.

I took the kids to Feathered Friends Forever, a nearby facility that adopts or temporarily cares for birds. The founder decided to start the place because many years ago he had to give up his parakeet when he was deployed, so they will keep birds while military are deployed or they will adopt birds that people can't care for anymore. A volunteer drove us around the place on a golf cart and told us about all the different birds and how they care for them. The kids loved the bird that would say, "Hello" and wave it's claw at them. They collected several pretty feathers.

They also had this huge tortoise. The volunteer actually warned the kids not to go near it because it would bite their hand off, and he meant it!

The Columbia County Ballet was performing Beauty and the Beast, so they had Belle at the library after story time. The guy in blue in the background was politely and solemnly serving animal crackers and juice to the children. It was so sweet. Ann Marie enjoyed meeting her but said she wasn't like the real Belle because she was a kid.

Books that are Different But Interesting

Some books are random or different enough that you have to be in the right mood to read them or else you'll hate them. But if you catch them at the right time when you're ready to read them with an open mind or just want something really different, they can be interesting. Here's a list of some books I've read that I think would fit in this category (with links to the titles on Good Reads):

The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

Have Space Suit--Will Travel by Robert Heinlein

Alan Mendelsohn, the Boy from Mars by Daniel Pinkwater (Also try Lizard Music.)

Howl's Moving Castle series by Diana Wynne Jones

Nausicaä of the Valley of the Wind by Hayao Miyazaki--a graphic novel that was the basis for the Studio Ghibli film produced by Miyazaki. Kevin has read this at least four times!

Foundation by Isaac Asimov

C.S. Lewis's Space Trilogy--Yes, C.S. Lewis wrote a space trilogy, and it's weird! Don't expect another Chronicles of Narnia. But it also explores some interesting subjects in theology and philosophy.

Susan Cooper's The Dark Is Rising series

The Giver series by Lois Lowry--The first book in the series, The Giver, is fairly well known and has a familiar style and plot, but I think many people haven't read the other three books in the series, which are a little strange but very riveting. In the fourth book you get to find out what happened to the mother of Gabe, the baby Jonas rescued in The Giver. Also try Gossamer by the same author.

I also highly recommend Brandon Sanderson. His books are high fantasy and you will find them a little different, but the way he builds and explores worlds with new magic systems, religions, cultures, and politics is impressive. I would recommend starting with his Mistborn series.

I was not abandoned.

This was an experience I had a few months ago. Initially I wasn't planning to share it publicly (because it doesn't paint me in the best light and the happy ending was a very sacred experience), but recently I have felt impressed to share it on my blog.

It was Saturday morning and I took the time to say a heartfelt prayer because I knew this was going to be a challenging day. I had already warned the kids that the top priority was going to be getting their rooms cleaned. We had been busy the last few weeks, and even though I had tried hard to get the kids to clean their rooms, it was getting worse and worse. I knew this wasn't going to be easy, but it was getting to be a huge problem and we had to get the mess cleaned up. I also knew I was going to have to make this happen by myself because Ryan had some responsibilities in the morning and wouldn't be home. So I prayed for some help from Heavenly Father, because I knew I was going to need it.

So after breakfast I got the girls in their room and told them it was time to get started. We had had some success with this approach in the past (basically: 1) make bed; 2) get everything out from under the bed; 3) put all clothes and blankets on floor in hamper or drawers; 4) sort everything else into: trash, belongs in bedroom, or belongs elsewhere; 5) put everything that belongs in bedroom away; 6) sweep [no, this does not take ten minutes like in the post]). So I sat down with the girls and we reviewed the plan, and they proceeded to ignore everything I said and refuse to pick up a single. blessed. thing. I tried all the nice persuasive techniques (Ann Marie loves pretend play like having stuffed animals pick up the toys or having toys use silly voices to say they want to go be with their friends/go to bed in their toy bin), and they still ignored me and they moved Ann Marie's bed over so they could pretend they were in a cave. So finally I was forced to move on to the less nice persuasive techniques like taking away privileges and then yelling and pulling the girls from behind the bed so they would stop playing and get going. Nothing worked, and after an hour of this garbage I was furious. So finally I told them I was done helping them and they had one hour to get their room clean or I was taking everything on the floor away.

So I checked the clock and settled down with a bowl of ice cream to watch an episode of Downton Abbey.

I gave the girls a warning when they had half an hour left and then fifteen minutes left, but they clearly were not taking my threat seriously, so I knew I was going to be stuffing a lot of things in trash bags when this hour was over. If they had even just half-heartedly tried I would have been thrilled, and if they would have done their part I was happy to help them, but they had been completely ignoring me and hadn't done anything.

The hour was up and all the girls had done was play in their room and probably make the mess even worse, so I swooped in with garbage bags and a broom. I worked fast because I was super angry, and in the end I had filled up four trash bags. Yes, that's how bad it had gotten, but I'm telling you, I had been trying to make this happen for a really long time with no success, and I expect my kids to clean their own rooms because I don't think it does anybody any favors if I clean up my kids' messes. Heidi lost a beloved blanket and all of her shoes except one pair of sandals (she felt the lesson keenly the next Monday when she was not allowed to participate in PE because she wasn't wearing appropriate shoes), and I confiscated a LOT of toys, books, and clothes, many of which I gave away at the Relief Society swap. A large percentage of the contents of the bags ended up in the trash. Heidi eventually realized I really was taking away all of the things they had left on the floor and started wailing, but even that wasn't enough to get her to pick anything up.

I was filled with dread that this was going to happen again with Kevin's room, but he took one look at me furiously filling trash bags and got his room clean in ten minutes flat, including vacuuming (his room wasn't as bad as the girls').

The rest of the day was just horrible. The anger completely consumed me and I just couldn't get over what had happened, so I kept yelling at the kids about every little thing. I knew I needed to move on and not let the bedroom fiasco ruin the rest of the day, and I tried several times to take a quiet moment to get some perspective and pray for help, but I couldn't seem to get the anger under control for very long. Ryan also ended up going to help with someone's eagle project, so he was home even later than I expected and I was flying solo until mid-afternoon.

When Ryan finally got home I knew I needed to get out of the house, so I left to buy some clothes. No, this was not retail therapy. I go buy clothes because I need clothes, and buying clothes when I'm unhappy just makes me more unhappy because I have to look at ugly clothes and then 90% of the clothes that look decent don't look good in the dressing room. But I did find a few things I liked, and apparently my mood was plastered on my face because the cashier noticed and asked if I was having a rough day. She was totally sweet when I told her what had happened.

I was a little better when I got home after having a break from the kids, but by the end of the night I was getting mad about every little thing again and I left bedtime up to Ryan. It was so frustrating because I didn't want to feel like this or treat people like this, but I just couldn't seem to get past it, even if I prayed.

I tried to talk it through with Ryan after the kids were in bed, but even that didn't work out because he was apparently super tired and he fell asleep while I was talking (which serves me right because I accidentally do that to him all the time). So I was completely alone with the memory of how horrible the day had been.

It occurred to me to say my prayers, but what burst out was, "Heavenly Father, I really feel like you abandoned me today. I told you this morning how much I needed your help today because I knew it was going to be a hard day, and instead I feel like you abandoned me and you weren't there for me even when I asked again for help." And I started crying because I felt so horrible about how I had acted that day.

As soon as I had said that prayer, I felt the words, "I did not abandon you," and I had a very strong feeling that the Savior was there. The words that came to my mind next were the words of Alma: "O Jesus, thou Son of God, have mercy on me, who am in the gall of bitterness, and am encircled about by the everlasting chains of death." Russel M. Nelson said, "When you reach up for the Lord’s power in your life with the same intensity that a drowning person has when grasping and gasping for air, power from Jesus Christ will be yours. When the Savior knows you truly want to reach up to Him—when He can feel that the greatest desire of your heart is to draw His power into your life—you will be led by the Holy Ghost to know exactly what you should do." (Drawing the Power of Jesus Christ Into Our Lives) Like Alma, I was grasping and gasping for the mercy of Jesus Christ, and when I did that I felt His power flow into my life and knew that my sins were forgiven and that Christ is there for me to cleanse and change my heart (it's a process and I'm not done yet).

I could relate so strongly to Alma's entire experience as he told it to his son Helaman in Alma 36:

12 But I was racked with eternal torment, for my soul was harrowed up to the greatest degree and racked with all my sins...
17 And it came to pass that as I was thus racked with torment, while I was harrowed up by the memory of my many sins, behold, I remembered also to have heard my father prophesy unto the people concerning the coming of one Jesus Christ, a Son of God, to atone for the sins of the world.
18 Now, as my mind caught hold upon this thought, I cried within my heart: O Jesus, thou Son of God, have mercy on me, who am in the gall of bitterness, and am encircled about by the everlasting chains of death.
19 And now, behold, when I thought this, I could remember my pains no more; yea, I was harrowed up by the memory of my sins no more.
20 And oh, what joy, and what marvelous light I did behold; yea, my soul was filled with joy as exceeding as was my pain!
21 Yea, I say unto you, my son, that there could be nothing so exquisite and so bitter as were my pains. Yea, and again I say unto you, my son, that on the other hand, there can be nothing so exquisite and sweet as was my joy.

Like Alma, I felt that the pain of the memory of my sins was so horrible I couldn't bear it, and the joy of repentance, being forgiven, and feeling hope that I can do better was more exquisite and sweet than anything else. God does not abandon us when we sincerely desire to change, because He sent His Son to atone for our sins and be our advocate with God. And while He has given us our agency so that we can work to overcome the natural faults we all have, He also gave us our Savior, who has the miraculous ability to cleanse our hearts from sin and lead us down the path of change. It doesn't mean I'm done with this challenge or that I'll always be nice to my kids now, but I do know that God is with me on this journey of change and that Jesus Christ is helping me through this process of working towards perfection.

Total Solar Eclipse!

Of course the highlight of August was seeing the total solar eclipse! What an amazing opportunity!

After he gave his presentation at the university the week before, a member of the Astronomy Club of Augusta came and invited Ryan to join them at the Lexington County Museum in South Carolina to watch the eclipse. We knew we wanted to drive north so we could see the total solar eclipse (we live a little too far south of the path of totality), but hadn't decided where to go yet, so we decided to take him up on the offer.

We ended up just taking Kevin and Heidi out of school for the whole day. We spent the morning getting snacks and lawn chairs and such together for the trip, and Ryan was watching traffic on Google to make sure we left early enough to avoid it. The drive to Lexington was great and the traffic was normal.

We got to Lexington before the eclipse had even started, so we had time to look around the museum a little bit. We spent most of the time in this building where they had coloring pages.

These quilts hanging on the wall were very impressive.

Finally moon had started crossing the sun, so we got our lawn chairs and went to the big lawn area to watch and wait. It was really hot (about 100 degrees).

Our school's principal had bought solar glasses for all the kids who would be watching the eclipse at the school, and they had parents come in beforehand to help make paper plate masks so the eclipse glasses would cover the kids' faces better, and I decided to do the same thing for our eclipse glasses. It worked really well.

Ann Marie could not have cared less about what was going on. I tried to help her look at the sun through her glasses and she absolutely refused. I decided probably it was better that way since I wouldn't have to worry about her looking without glasses and hurting her eyes.

As we were nearing the time of totality, we were starting to get nervous because the sky was mostly cloudy! We really didn't want to miss this because it's a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity!

Fortunately the clouds cleared away a little bit and a huge patch of clear sky appeared, so it was looking like we were going to have no trouble seeing the eclipse.

We enjoyed seeing some of the other cool effects of the eclipse. The astronomy club was very prepared and had brought all sorts of supplies and made posters. One guy showed how you could see crescents in the shadow of a colander:

In the shadows of the trees you could also see crescents:

Just a few minutes before totality, Ann Marie disappeared. I about freaked out thinking I was going to be searching for my toddler in the dark during an eclipse, but fortunately she came back and it was okay.

When we got to Lexington it was 100 degrees, but by this point the temperature had dropped to 80 degrees. It was noticeably darker, but it was amazing that it could still be so light when only a tiny sliver of the sun was still showing. We were getting super excited.

Finally the sun was totally covered and we took our glasses off. You guys, it was one of the most incredible things I've ever seen. Honestly I was almost crying because it was so amazing. Kevin whooped and starting running laps making sure everybody could see what was happening. I did take a brief video just because I wanted to kind of capture a part of the experience, but it looks completely different in the video (which wasn't surprising). There are plenty of great pictures online that captured what it looked like. The cicadas went crazy. It was dark enough that we could see some stars in the sky (it didn't get dark like night; I would say the sky was a deep blue color).

It all happened so fast and before we knew it, it was over. Two minutes really isn't that long. Seeing the diamond ring was bittersweet because it was so beautiful and yet I knew it also meant it was time to put the eclipse glasses back on. Everyone around us was talking about how amazing it was, and one man nearby was excited because he had been able to capture the diamond ring on his camera. Then someone exclaimed, "Look at the shadow bands!" and pointed to the white sheet spread out on the ground (the same one in the colander picture above), and we all gathered around and watched them. It was pretty cool, and I was so glad he had the presence of mind to look for shadow bands because it just lasted a few seconds.

After that we started packing up to drive home. We noticed the crescents in the shadows of the trees again (Kevin hadn't noticed them before and pointed them out to everyone around us). The drive home took a little longer, but it wasn't too bad because we used the side roads instead of the interstate. I was just trying to burn the experience into my mind so I wouldn't forget. It was such a fantastic experience and I'm so glad we took the time to drive up north to be in the path of totality.