The day I cried in public

(Event from August)

In the afternoon I got a call from Ryan and he told me the university was having a family-friendly presentation that evening about the eclipse, and he would be speaking. The kids enjoyed the science night the previous fall and Heidi had been telling me all about the things she learned about the eclipse at school, so I figured this would be a fun activity for them.

The presentation was supposed to start at 6:30, but in case of traffic I decided to leave at 5:30 so we could make it in time. Surprisingly, Heidi cried and threw a fit when I said we were going because she didn't want to ride in a car, but I really wanted to go, so I got her in the car anyway, and eventually she calmed down.

At 5:58 we were just a couple of minutes from the university when Ryan texted me saying they were starting early and they were going to do one presentation at 6:00 and another at 7:00. Initially I thought maybe we would just hurry and park and be a few minutes late for the first presentation, but by the time we got a parking space it was pretty late.

So I made a spur-of-the-moment decision and said, "Let's get back in the car, we're going to get donuts!" If you know me you know I never just go get food at a restaurant, but for some reason this seemed like a fun idea and it was something that would take about enough time for us to get back by 7:00.

So we went to Krispy Kreme. The kids all picked the kind they wanted. We watched the fresh donuts going down the conveyor belt to get glazed and Kevin figured out how the whole apparatus worked. It was fun.

Then as we were driving back to the university the cheapskate side of me spoke up and started making me feel super guilty for all the money I had just spent on donuts. "You just did it because you were feeling sorry for yourself and you were dumb to think that spending money would make you feel better." But for once I fought back against Cheapskate, because the thing is, I really did it because I thought the kids would think it was fun, and I wanted to do something fun for them, and I didn't appreciate Cheapskate coming in and trying to destroy the fun. It's just money. It wasn't a lot of money. It wasn't a planned purchase, but we could afford it. So on the drive home this was the wrestle I was having in my head, and Cheapskate mostly lost.

We drove back to the university and the kids ate their donuts on the way to the theater.

We got there and there was a long line of people waiting outside. Ryan had texted me saying the line was for people who wanted to get eclipse glasses, but we didn't need to wait in line for those because we already have some, so I didn't worry about the line.

We had a little time before 7:00, so the kids and I looked at the sun in the telescope (with a filter) that was set up outside the building. They had another fancier telescope out, but it hadn't worked out, but the girl who was manning the telescopes was super panicky about anyone going near that telescope because it was really expensive, so anytime anyone went near it she would tell them to stay away from it.

We went inside to ask about the presentation starting at 7:00, and the security guy at the front said it wasn't starting until 7:20 and that was what the line was for, and the solar eclipse glasses would be given out after the presentation. Like I said, I didn't care about the glasses because we already had some, I just wanted to see the presentation about eclipses with my kids and hear Ryan's part. But I guess he'd had a hundred people already ask about the glasses and he was sick of explaining it, so maybe that's why he was kind of curt. Then when I suggested to the kids that we go sit on some benches by the window he told me we had to go outside unless there was a medical reason because of fire safety standards.

So we went outside and I sat down, and that's kind of when I had my breakdown, and I know it was kind of silly to cry about it all. But I had hauled my kids into the car even though one of them was throwing a tantrum, and then I found out we were going to have to kill an hour because they started a half hour early, and now I was finding out that we had to wait even longer and we weren't even allowed inside and people were kind of rude to me about it. Plus, it was 100 degrees outside and super muggy, and I was going to have to keep my kids contained in the heat for 20 minutes (which, by the way, turned into 30 minutes). And I knew it wasn't a big enough deal to cry about, but I'm pregnant and tired and I just couldn't stop it, so I had to go around the corner of the building and just work through it. A sweet black lady who was passing stopped and asked if I was okay, and I didn't want to explain the whole dumb situation, so I pulled the pregnancy card and just told her I was pregnant and for some reason I was just randomly feeling emotional. She told me she totally understood and gave me a hug, which was really sweet. This was right after the terrible events that happened at the white supremacist rally in Charlottesville, Virginia, so for me it was so touching that this woman reached across that racial barrier to treat me like a sister.

Anyway, I finally got myself under control and we went and waited in line, and finally at 7:30 the first presentation was over and the line started moving. Ryan came out and found us in line, and then we got the rest of the story.

It turns out they way underestimated the number of people who were going to show up. By 6:00 they already had several hundred people lined up to get solar glasses. (This was just a few days before the solar eclipse, and eclipse glasses were getting difficult to find.) So they made a quick decision and changed how they were going to do it. They told people they would get a ticket as they came in for the presentation, and after the presentation was over they could turn in their ticket for a pair of solar glasses. Then they started the presentation at 6:00 and planned to do a second one at 7:00 since the theater was packed. But the presentation went longer than they expected and there were a lot of questions, so it lasted until 7:30, and of course meanwhile everyone associated with the department was getting pestered with questions about when they'd be giving out solar glasses and when the next presentation was going to start, so they probably got a little stressed.

Anyway, we finally were able to go in, and of course 30 seconds into the first person talking Ann Marie declared that she had to go potty. I ended up telling Kevin and Heidi to stay put while I took Ann Marie to the bathroom, and that worked out okay (the only reason I was okay with doing that was because Ryan was sitting in the front of the room). But even after we got back Ann Marie was incredibly naughty the entire time. I had to keep grabbing her so she wouldn't run off, and whenever she was on my lap she was constantly wiggling and jerking, and she even hit me in the jaw once, so that was really annoying and exhausting.

Kevin and Heidi, on the other hand, were very good and mostly paid attention the entire time. Kevin asked each presenter a question. I love how he feels like he has just as much right as any adult to ask his questions. When he raised his hand to ask Ryan a question, he had forgotten the question, so Ryan said, "We can talk about it later. I know where you live. [He's my son.]"

Ryan spoke last about safely viewing the eclipse, and he did an excellent job. He spoke with a lot of energy and kept cracking jokes. I was glad we were able to go to support him. Ann Marie did finally escape from me at the very end, but at that point Ryan was taking questions and most people were trickling out, so I guess it was okay. It was probably better that we ended up in the second group, because the theater was completely full for the first group, which would have made Ann Marie's behavior a lot worse to deal with.

When we got home (late) we hurried and made some leftovers and put the kids to bed, and then I enjoyed my donuts and an episode of Downton Abbey.

The day after the eclipse, the department chair sent Ryan a note of recognition and CCed the dean, which means the department was officially recognizing his contribution. The memo mentioned all he had done to help with interacting with the public, preparing informational materials about the eclipse, and especially giving his presentation and being willing to give a second presentation when the number of people who came far surpassed their expectations. It was very nice that he got that recognition (and made me feel a little better about wrangling the kids by myself while Ryan was inside giving the first presentation).

Everyday August Pictures

Baby dolls strung up over a roaring fire amidst jeers of, "You're going to get burned!!." There was a great feast afterwards and then they repurposed the roasting pole for supporting a blanket fort. I had nothing to do with this.

Kevin and Heidi went back to school (3rd and 1st grade). Their teachers have been great. I love their school.

My vincas got huge.

We tried the contact solution slime recipe. I liked it much better than the borax one (which requires a lot of squishing around to get to the right consistency). Kevin and Heidi's slime was made mainly with white glue, whereas Ann Marie's was from clear glue.

We went over for a playdate at a neighbor's house and as we were walking there I realized all three of my silly kids were wearing long-sleeved shirts, in August, in Georgia.

"Mom, look! This shirt fits me!" (Ann Marie got an annoying hobby of getting into the baby clothes in the garage and bringing them in to try on. This particular shirt was a 3-6 month size.)

I bought peaches at a local fruit stand. I've generally had good experiences with farmer's market peaches before, so I expected these to be good, but the peaches never got soft and then most of them got moldy while still being hard. I ended up salvaging what I could and bottling them, which worked okay. I got seven quarts. Was it even worth it? We're thinking of planting some peach trees.

Things that happened in July

Ryan built new steps for part of our deck and has been gradually working on repainting the entire deck.

We went to Cow Appreciation Day at Chick Fil A. The kids actually helped with their spots this time and made their own ears.

Kevin's ear drum ruptured. He had been saying his ear hurt for a while, but he didn't act like he was in a lot of pain so I didn't feel rushed to get him to the doctor . . . until one morning he showed me the blood on his pillowcase. But it turns out ruptured ear drums usually heal themselves and they're not that big of a deal. He had to take oral antibiotics and have antibiotic ear drops for a couple of weeks. Unfortunately, Kevin's allergic to penicillin, and the antibiotic they gave him instead literally smelled and tasted like vomit. He was good about taking it anyway and then quickly rinsing it away with a drink of water.

Kevin lost a top tooth! And he turned eight! We had a family party on his actual birthday with cake and presents. He got stuff for cub scouts and a remote control helicopter. The next Saturday we had a few friends over to play in the water outside and have root beer floats. I think they had a fun time.

Kevin was excited to start going to cub scouts.

Kevin lost the other top tooth soon afterwards.

Kevin was also baptized by Ryan. We talked to his friend Eva's family and decided to join forces and have them baptized the same day, which reduced the amount of work for both of us. I think Kevin had a special day. He seemed pretty happy. I think he was a little embarrassed to have everyone watching him when he was in the font because he kind of grinned sheepishly. I gave the baptism talk and Eva's sister gave the Holy Ghost talk, and while they were changing we asked people who had attended to write notes for Kevin and Eva.

I'm no photographer, and I'm really sad that I didn't get better pictures, but here's what I got.

Kevin and Eva were really good friends at school last year. Eva's family moved to a house in another ward's boundaries and a different school district soon after the baptism, so we unfortunately don't get to see them as much anymore.

Things the kids say/do

Heidi has taken to referring to portions of plural objects as a "patch." As in, I put a patch of grapes in my lunch. Ann Marie, do you want to play with my patch of slime? This is my patch of cards. Don't use a big patch of toilet paper or you'll clog the toilet. We need a new patch of toilet paper because the other one's gone. Did we finish the other patch of hot dogs?

One day Heidi showed me a bandaid on her knee and told me it had happened at recess.

Heidi: But it was okay, Mom, because Gigi and Alicia helped me. Alicia helped me walk and then they both helped me by cleaning it.
Me: Oh, so they went with you to the nurse's office?
Heidi: No, we didn't go to the nurse's office. They just cleaned it outside and then I got a bandaid from my teacher.
Me: Wait, so how did they clean it if you stayed at the playground? (thinking maybe they used their shirts or something)
Heidi: Oh, they just used bark and wood chips from the playground.
Me: . . .

Another conversation with Heidi:
H: So Mom, Gigi and I are wearing dresses today. We want to look really cute because Gigi needs my help with getting a crush on Hunter. Gigi has a crush on Hunter, but he doesn't have a crush on her, so we have to look pretty.
Me: (slightly taken aback) Well, Heidi, do you want to know what boys like even better than when girls look pretty?
H: (very eagerly) What?!!
Me: Girls who are nice friends.
H: Oh, so we need to wait until he falls down so we can go help him up.
Me: Well, you could also just try asking him to play with you. Or you could ask him questions, like what's your favorite book or what's your favorite movie?
H: Okay, so we'll wait for him to fall down and go help him.

So that was a productive conversation. I think.

Ann Marie has decided to always say tomade and banan instead of tomato and banana.

Ann Marie has informed me that the baby's body is going to come out where babies normally come out, but her head is going to come out through my mouth and then the doctor will put the head and body together.

In the waiting room at the doctor's office:
Ann Marie: So, Mom, does the doctor take you apart to get the baby out, or . . . how do they get the baby out?
Me: Well, the mom pushes the baby out.
Ann Marie: So does the doctor push the baby out? (pushing on my stomach)
Me: No, the mom pushes the baby out.
Ann Marie: Oh, so you push the baby out. Um, OK.

What is a successful Thanksgiving?

Do you listen to podcasts? If you don't, why not? Recently I heard someone describe podcasts as "like the radio, only better." Apple phones have a podcast app, and on my Android I've been using the app CastBox, and the podcasts I subscribe to automatically show up in the app. If I'm out driving I download a few before I leave and listen to them in the car instead of CDs or the radio, and I often listen while I'm folding clothes.

I've mentioned before a podcast that I really love called Bold New Mom by Jody Moore. It's completely changed the way I think, and I highly recommend it.

Recently I was listening to one of her podcasts, and although it wasn't like her normal podcasts (she shared a recording of herself life coaching a client to show how the principles she talks about work in a real life situation), something she said stuck out to me and I've been pondering it over the last few days.

Jody Moore suggested to the mom she was talking to that she answer the question, "What makes a successful day?" The thing is, as moms sometimes we tend to judge whether a day was successful based on things we can't control: Did the kids behave well? Did I get the house clean? Did people appreciate the dinner I made? If we put ourselves in that position where how we feel about our day is dependent on our children's or husband's behavior, that means it's not in our control anymore and our feelings are at the mercy of how the kids acted or if the husband happened to notice what we did. So Jody Moore said to think about things that are within our control that we could use to decide if the day was successful. It's going to different for everyone, but her suggestions included having the kitchen clean before going to bed or having at least one loving moment with your kids.

With Thanksgiving coming this week I've of course been making plans, and that includes thinking about what Ryan and the kids and I will want for dinner and especially dessert. We're having Thanksgiving with just our family at home, and I'm okay with that and in a lot of ways looking forward to making the whole meal. But to me Thanksgiving has always meant being with family, and since distance makes that not an option right now, I've been wanting to create some new traditions to make the holiday special. (We do have a dessert potluck later in the day that we'll probably go to.) I don't want it to just be a day where I make a bigger dinner than usual. This video might give you an idea of the Thanksgiving I don't want to have:



I don't want to toil alone in the kitchen all morning and get sweaty and tired and then sit down to the feast (still in my workout clothes) to find that my kids will only eat jello and a roll. Now, I'm pretty sure I can count on Ryan to help me out with the cooking and appreciate the food because he's awesome like that, but the kids are more variable and unpredictable, so I can't necessarily count on them to be helpful (in fact, they might be the opposite).

What I'd really love is to have a lovely time making lovely food with lovely helpful kids and sit down at a lovely table with a lovely view of the clean living room and have a lovely, happy meal with my lovely, happy, well-behaved family and not have to clean up spilled milk for once. I just have to be realistic here and recognize that not all of those things are going to happen because it's too much and not all of it is within my control.

So that's where the podcast came in, and I've been asking myself the question, What will a successful Thanksgiving look like for me? Obviously I can't have the lovely, perfect scenario above, but what are some things that are in my control that I can do to feel like Thanksgiving was a success? And here is I've come up with:

• Make and eat pie with whipped cream.
• Make and eat a dinner that includes turkey, potatoes, gravy, rolls, stuffing, sweet potatoes, and a special drink. (I have to acknowledge that at least to some extent I'm choosing to do this because nobody's stopping me from just making frozen pizzas or something.)
• Let the kids help cook (but don't expect it or get upset if they won't).
• Use the nice plates and glasses and put out the tablecloth.
• Put on clean clothes (not pajamas) and mascara for dinner.
• Find some quiet time to read a book, possibly with a piece of the aforementioned pie.
• Do one family activity together (game, walk, family movie . . . not sure what yet).
• Listen to Christmas music.

I think all of these are doable and they're things that would bring me joy, and importantly, I can feel like Thanksgiving was a success even if the kids don't appreciate what I did. They get to choose if they're going to be happy on Thanksgiving and so do I.

#gratefulformybodyNOV

My friend at Biceps After Babies recently wrote a post with this hashtag asking followers to comment with one thing they love about their body.

I've been thinking about it since then trying to figure out what I love about my body. It was interesting because I do love my body and generally have pretty positive feelings about it, but every time I thought of something I love my critical side added a, "Yeah, but..."

I have pretty healthy skin. "Yeah, but right now you keep breaking out."

I have nice eyes. "Yeah, but you have to wear contacts."

My brain works great. "Your brain has been tired and slow ever since you had kids."

My body has made some adorable, healthy babies. "Yeah, but you know that first trimester depression you always get? And how about the miscarriage you had last March? And your belly button is doing that weird folding at the top thing." (I know about the belly button thing, critical side, and nobody cares.)

I haven't really been able to think of any part of my body that has served me perfectly. Maybe my kidneys or my appendix? But you know, that's not the point. I honestly believe that our bodies are a gift from our Heavenly Father, and He gave them to us to help us learn and become what He wants us to be. I think our spirits in the premortal life had about reached their limit of development and we needed bodies so we could continue to progress. And we shouted for joy at the chance to be given these bodies with all their flaws. The flaws are all part of the learning process too. My body does exactly what it's supposed to. It functions really well and it makes it so I can live and learn so many things that will help me return to Heavenly Father.

My body doesn't have to be perfect for me to love it.

So here are some things about my body that I love:

My eyes: Yes, I have to wear contacts, but only if I drive, because otherwise I don't notice the difference. My eyes see the entire spectrum of colors, easily read words on a page or notes in a piece of music, and adjust to the amount of light that is reaching them. And they're a great color too.

My hands: They've seen me through nearly 25 years of playing the piano, changed hundreds of diapers, turned thousands of pages, carried my babies, and made a lot of awesome bread and cookies.

My brain: I'm convinced that with enough work this brain can learn anything I want it to. My brain got me through Calc 3, geochemistry, War and Peace, and a senior thesis. My brain is flexible. It looks for the truth and tries to understand things through other perspectives. My brain sends and receives messages from my entire body and processes most of it effortlessly so I can focus on living life without being distracted by the hum of the refrigerator or having to consciously think about the movement of each individual finger to pick something up.

My immune system: I'm possibly developing a cold right now, and as icky as that is, my body is fighting it. How awesome is it that our bodies can heal? I've had my share of cuts and burns, and I can't see or feel any of them anymore because they've all healed. I even had a pretty bad broken bone when I was eleven, and you can't even tell anymore!

And right now my body is doing a great job at growing another little body.

12 Totally Readable Non-Fiction Books That Are Worth Reading

One of my favorite General Ed classes in college was a history class called The World Since 1945. One of the reasons I loved it was that the professor had us read something like eight books about history and social issues throughout the semester, and in the labs we discussed the books. For me it was a turning point because I discovered that I can, in fact, read--and enjoy--non-fiction. Today I want to share with you a list of non-fiction books that are totally readable (non-fiction isn't always dry and boring). P.S. These aren't self-help books, either, because those aren't really my thing.

I Am Malala: The Story of the Girl Who Stood Up for Education and Was Shot by the Taliban by Malala Yousafzai

Who hasn't heard the story of Malala? When the Taliban took over the valley where Malala's family lived, she and her father continued to fight for girls' education, and eventually she was attacked and shot by the Taliban, and miraculously survived. Since then she has made her life's mission to fight for girls' right to education. In addition the book will give you a taste of Pakistani and Muslim culture. Personally I don't think the writing in this book was stellar, but the book is definitely worth reading.

Thieves of State - Why Corruption Threatens Global Security by Sarah Chayes

In this book, Chayes makes a compelling case that corruption is the cause (not a side result) of extremism and instability. She examines historical events as well as current instability in the Middle East and the role that corruption has played in these events. When governments are so corrupt that they are basically criminal gangs, the people get frustrated and tend to look to sources like religious extremism as the antidote to the problem, which results in groups like ISIS, the Taliban, and Boko Haram gaining power and inciting violence. And when world leaders trying to "help" these countries ignore the corruption, saying they'll deal with it once there's more stability, it makes them look complicit. This isn't just a third world problem, either--corruption is becoming more and more rampant in the US government, and ignoring it puts us at risk.

The Dressmaker of Khair Khana: Five Sisters, One Remarkable Family, and the Woman Who Risked Everything to Keep Them Safe by Gayle Tzemach Lemmon

This book will give you a sense of what it's like to live under a Taliban regime. It's the story of Kamila Sidiqi and her family and how they survived in Kabul when the Taliban seized control of the city. The women were forced to wear the burqa and remain completely covered (even their veils were more like tents with a slit of sheer fabric for them to see through) and never go in public without a male escort who was a family member--or risk getting beaten up by the Taliban. They were basically confined to their homes. Kamila's father and older brother had to leave the city, leaving the women and a younger brother to provide for themselves. Kamila started a sewing business in their home in order to support the family (she had to be escorted to the market by her little brother to buy supplies and do business transactions), and the business ended up growing enough to create work for many other women in the neighborhood.

The Stone Manger--The Untold Story of the First Christmas by Jeffrey R. Chadwick

This is the Nativity story as told by BYU professor of archaeology and religious studies Jeffrey R. Chadwick. Generally the story we tell about Christ's birth is that a Joseph and Mary were forced to make a last minute trip to Bethlehem to pay taxes, and while there Mary gave birth in a barn surrounded by cows and pigs and mounds of hay, then put the baby in a wooden manger filled with hay. The more probable story is rather different, and in many ways more inspiring and insightful. The book itself is very readable and only 133 pages.

Disposable People: New Slavery in the Global Economy by Kevin Bales

If you think slavery ended after the Civil War (I did, for a long time), you're wrong. Throughout the world, slavery and human trafficking are a widespread problem, but it looks different in the modern, global economy. (For more on this topic I highly recommended looking up Operation Underground Railroad and following their Facebook page.)

Kon-Tiki: Across The Pacific In A Raft by Thor Heyerdahl

This is the story of five men who challenged commonly accepted theories about the origins of the Polynesians by constructing a raft and sailing with five men from Peru to Polynesia, proving that the Polynesians' claims that they came from South America are plausible. This book was surprisingly riveting, not dry and boring at all.

Half the Sky: Turning Oppression into Opportunity for Women Worldwide by Nicholas D. Kristof and Sheryl WuDunn

This book makes a compelling case that the key to progress in developing countries is creating opportunity for women. They outline strategies that work (education in particular is super important) and share inspiring stories about many women who have risen out of horrible conditions to accomplish great things for their families and communities.

Nothing to Envy: Ordinary Lives in North Korea by Barbara Demick

If you've read 1984, imagine somebody reading that book and instead of being horrified, thinking, "Hmmm, that sounds like a great idea. I'm going to do that." That's North Korea. Demick interviewed six people who escaped from North Korea to South Korea and tells their stories in this book. North Korea has been fairly prevalent in the news of late, and I think a lot of people don't realize just how horrible conditions are for the majority of people there.

Wild Swans: Three Daughters of China by Jung Chang

This book tells the stories of Jung Chang and her mother and grandmother. The story begins with her grandmother's experiences as a warlord's concubine (complete with foot-binding), tells about her mother's experiences as part of the rising Communist party and how the family was impacted by the Cultural Revolution, and finishes with Jung Chang's experiences growing up in Communist China. It was pretty eye-opening to read this book and then look around at the Chinese grandmothers with the babies at the Baity Hill playground and realize they had lived through this.

Iran Awakening: One Woman's Journey to Reclaim Her Life and Country by Shirin Ebadi and Azadeh Moaveni

This is the story of Shirin Ebadi, who became the first female judge in Iran and was then demoted to a clerk after the Iran Revolution led by Ayatollah Khomeini led to Sharia Law being instituted in Iran. She became a human right's activist in Iran and as a lawyer represented many women and children who were not receiving justice, and for a time she was thrown in jail for her work. In 2003 she won the Nobel Prize. I appreciated that this book helped me understand the history of Iran, what life is like there, and why Iran hates the United States so much. FYI, the author doesn't really talk about the nuclear weapons program because that's not her purpose.

Sisters in War: A Story of Love, Family, and Survival in the New Iraq by Christina Asquith

This is the story of a family's experiences during the U.S. occupation in Iraq. The consequences for women after the invasion (especially with the rise of religious extremism) were something I hadn't known about before, so the book really opened my eyes. This book reads more like a novel than non-fiction.

Hiroshima by John Hersey

This book tells about the day the atom bomb was dropped on Hiroshima through the memories of survivors. Only 152 pages long.