on gentlemen opening doors

Years ago a woman in Relief Society told about teaching her son to have good manners. Specifically, she said that if her son forgets to open the door for her she will stand and wait for him to do so. I've heard many women tell similar stories or say that they would never marry a young man who didn't open doors for her.

I have no problem with men opening doors for women, but I think we need to think about how we handle this. I once went on a date with a young man who did all the "right" things--opening doors, making sure I was seated first, helping me with my chair, etc.--but he treated me like a ditz and turned everything I said into something to make fun of me about. I'm an intelligent person and I found his behavior very insulting. That was one of the most expensive dates I was ever taken on and it was probably the worst one. I would have much preferred to be with a young man who forgot to open my door but responded kindly to my comments. Clearly there's much more to a man's character than if he remembers to open the door for his date.

What does it say about a woman's character if a man forgets to open a door for her and she stands haughtily by the door and gives him a dirty look? It takes a lot of courage to ask someone on a date and it's terribly unkind to treat a young man like that when he's probably already very nervous and self-conscious.

Won't it put a strain on a relationship if a wife gets irritated at her husband for forgetting to open her door? When our husbands already have so many worries on their shoulders (work, providing for their family, specific concerns about members of their family, callings at church), is it right to add to that the guilt of forgetting to open a door? Wouldn't it be much better to overlook it or gently say, "Would you mind opening my door, dear?"

Personally when I got married there were other characteristics that were much higher on the priority list. I'm a big girl and I can open my own doors. What I really need is someone who I can have an intelligent conversation with, someone who doesn't mind washing dishes and changing dirty diapers, someone who steps in when there's service to be done. A young man who never learned to open doors can be taught to do so, but you will have a much harder time changing his character.