on chivalry

So, I had an interesting experience today that made me stop and think.

This morning after my class, I went down to the study lounge for an hour to work on a lab that is due tomorrow. I sat down at a table with a couple of other people who are in my class since it was apparent that we were all working on the same problem. In a couple of minutes two other guys in the class had also sat down at the table. They're friendly guys and they know their geology, but there was also swearing and one guy even belched. No, I didn't say anything, because I hate asking people I don't know very well not to swear.

Then I had to meet with a guy who was helping me to filter my water samples. I had never met him before, and I was surprised to find that he's the sort of guy who casually swears a couple of times per sentence. Anything possible was described using a swear word. This might be surprising, but he probably swears more than anyone I've ever met (although some people I knew in high school probably swear a lot more now than they used to).

Well, at one point I went upstairs alone to the Geochemistry lab to get something, and the postdoc who is, I guess, my advisor was in there and asked how things were going with the filtering. We chatted for a second and then he followed me out. As we got to the door he stopped, and then said, "Oh," as if he'd forgotten something, and then opened the door for me. The interesting thing was that for two hours I had been around loud swearing boys who weren't at all sensitive to the fact that I was a girl, so when he did that simple gesture it was kind of a shock. And then I realized how much of a difference it makes when men try to be sensitive to women.

I'm not really one to care if men hold the door open for me. I hear the stories of women who sit haughtily in the car until their date/son/husband realizes their mistake and opens the door for her, and I don't admire those women. I think it's very unkind to make men feel awkward like that. I know that Ryan has a lot on his mind, and I don't want to hurt his feelings by making a fuss if he forgets to open the door for me. I'm a big girl--I can open a door for myself. (By the way, my dad always opens the car door for my mom. Even when we were little and they had to get us out of car seats, he would walk all the way around and let her out before getting anyone else out of the car. That is also great. It's just different.)

But this was a reminder to me that it is still important to teach our sons to be sensitive to women. I think in our culture lately there has been this feeling that women need to be independent and that they want to be the same as men, but we need to realize that it does make a difference when men make an effort to be sensitive and thoughtful to women. (It's also true that women need to be sensitive and thoughtful towards men, but that is perhaps a different post.)

Something to keep in mind.