new beginnings

Today several people in our ward spoke about new beginnings as they bore their testimonies, and it made me think of something I learned when I was about ten years old. I thought I would share the story and what I learned.

It was the day of my sister's baptism, and we were having a celebration after returning home from the baptism. Everyone who had already been baptized wrote their congratulations and possibly some advice on cards, and she was reading them to us. On my card, I told her that she shouldn't wait too long to repent of her sins, like I did. I explained that I had waited too long to repent of some of my sins, and now I couldn't remember what the sins were anymore, so I couldn't repent of them. I had a very sad and hopeless feeling, looking at my sister, who was now clean and pure through her baptism, and believing (falsely) that I was doomed and could never be clean again like my sister. Looking back, I think that was one of the most horrible feelings I have ever felt--believing that there was no hope for me. I think everyone got a good chuckle out of my mistake, and then someone explained to me that I could still be forgiven for the sins that I had forgotten. After having this clarified, and also having a few other experiences and lessons, I received a confirmation that I really could receive forgiveness.

The next step was to actually repent. It took me a while to feel a desire to repent. I wanted to want to repent (make sense?), but at the same time I felt unwilling for some reason to make the changes in my life. Perhaps I sensed that if I repented I would gain a stronger testimony and therefore more would be expected and required of me, and I wasn't quite ready to make that commitment. I had to learn to be humble enough. But I remember when I finally gained the desire to repent. It was singing time in Primary, and we were singing I'm Trying to be Like Jesus. A powerful feeling entered my heart--it was so strong that tears filled my eyes and I was so happy that I could not longer sing. I felt great love from my Heavenly Father and had a strong desire to serve Him and obey His commandments. That was the one of the first experiences I ever had with repentance, and I don't think I had ever felt the Holy Ghost so strongly before.

Today as I was thinking back on that experience and listening to people talk about new beginnings for the new year, I felt grateful that the Atonement makes it possible for all of us to have a new beginning as long as we are willing to confess our sins, repent, and "sin no more," as Christ said to the woman who had been discovered committing adultery. Nobody is beyond the cleansing power of Christ's great sacrifice--because of Him, there is hope for all of us, and He did it because He loves us and wants all of us to receive eternal life.

"10 Remember the worth of souls is great in the sight of God;
11 For, behold, the Lord your Redeemer suffered death in the flesh; wherefore he suffered the pain of all men, that all men might repent and come unto him.
12 And he hath risen again from the dead, that he might bring all men unto him, on conditions of repentance.
13 And how great is his joy in the soul that repenteth!"
--Doctrine and Covenants 18:10-13