another pie

I made another pie a couple of days ago.

Here's the finished product:

And here's what it looked like before I baked it, just to prove that it actually did look nice when I put it in:

It was an apple pie. Other than the pie coming out looking like a round, blistered face, I only had one disappointment: It didn't take long enough to eat a piece of it. It tasted so good, and I wished I could enjoy it longer! We have two more pieces left, but they will probably be gone by the end of the day. I will have to try making one again soon. By the way, in case you didn't know, just because there is fruit in pie doesn't mean it is good for you--there is also a lot of sugar.

To keep myself occupied for the next month and a half, I have a few projects planned, involving sewing, canning, and scrap-booking (uh . . . what wedding album?). I will probably post pictures as I finish them because I am so proud of myself for trying something new. We'll see how much I actually do get done, because lately I have been amazed at how little energy I have for doing even the little things. But I intend to do my best without going overboard.

Some Recently Reads

I have read several good books lately. I normally read a lot of the classics (the good ones, not the dirty ones that some English teachers say are good and are actually not so good), but recently I came across some young adult fiction that I really enjoyed. Maybe doing so much Calculus combined with needing more sleep made me feel like I needed something a little easier to read. Here's what I have read:

Walk Two Moons, by Sharon Creech

I volunteer at an Elementary School twice a week, and several kids in one of the classes were reading this book. After listening to them read some parts aloud, I decided I really needed to read it. So I checked it out from the library about a month ago, and I read it instead of studying for a Calculus test. It's kind of odd that I did that, actually, because normally I am very good at putting school before reading fun books. And it's not that I don't like Calculus, either--I don't mind it. I would recommend this book if you want an easy, quick read. Even though I already had a pretty good idea of how it ended since one student read me the last chapter, I still felt intrigued and wanted to find out what would happen and how everything would fit together.

The Count of Monte Cristo, by Alexandre Dumas

I had to show this specific cover because this is the one I am reading. At first I was nervous to carry this book in public because it seemed weird to be reading a book with a picture of a big, pompous old man on the front (I think it is Dumas). I haven't finished this one yet, but I've already decided that the movies don't do it justice. Most people know the part at the beginning, where Edmond Dantes spends fourteen years in prison even though he is innocent. He meets an old abbé who becomes his mentor, and together they attempt to escape by tunneling underneath the ground. The abbé leaves an enormous fortune to Edmond and dies soon after, and Edmond escapes. But that's not the main part of the book, even though this is what is emphasized in all the movies--I think the Wishbone version just shows him coming back to the real world and living happily ever after with all of his money. The book is actually about Edmond using his money to take revenge upon all the people who were involved in getting him unjustly imprisoned. That has made it a little frustrating to read because I've always been taught, "Thou shalt not avenge," and I hated to see kind, youthful Edmond change to become so focused on revenge. Reading about revenge does not generally give you warm fuzzies. And yet I still feel like I can't put it down because it's so interesting to see how Edmond carefully plans it all out, and Dumas does make some interesting points about human nature. It wouldn't be at all interesting if Edmond was a perfect character. Even though this book is over 1000 pages long, it doesn't feel like it is dragging. I'm glad I decided not to read the abridged version because I would be missing a lot of interesting parts. The one thing I cannot stand is that sometimes the dialogue is really superficial. There are some scenes between two people who are secretly in love, for example, that drive me nuts. All they do is tell each other that they will be faithful forever and that they are so miserable because they can't get married--"our love will last till the stars turned cold" stuff. Yuck. I guess that is romantic literature for you. Other than that it has been very interesting and thought-provoking. I'm glad I decided to read it now--I was afraid that if I waited much longer I would never find the time to read it.

Out of the Dust, by Karen Hesse

It's taken me a long time to read The Count of Monte Cristo because I've had homework to do. The library only lets you renew books once before you have to turn them back in, so I recently had to turn it in and wait 24 hours before I could go back and check it out again. I checked out Out of the Dust to read while I was waiting--I wasn't sure if I would be able to go back to the library for a few days. This was a really nice book. It's also a Newbery Medal book, even though this cover doesn't show that. It is entirely written in poetic form. There actually isn't that much involved in the story--instead you read a lot about Billie Joe's feelings and inner struggles. I felt like the poetic form helped the reader respond well emotionally to the book. The book is set in the time of the Dust Bowl. If you are looking for something that will be touching and not take too long to read, this is a good one.

Fairest, by Gail Carson Levine

Ella Enchanted is one of my favorite books. I reread it every few years. Fairest is not really the sequel to Ella Enchanted, but it is set in the same place and the main character is the adopted sister of Ella's friend Areida. Some of the story comes from Snow White. I've been wanting to read this since my roommate read it my freshman year at BYU, and I enjoyed it about as much as I enjoyed Ella Enchanted. I thought the book said a lot about the way our desires can affect our ability or resolve to do what is right.

Other than these books, I have also read/skimmed a couple of books about birth, baby care, and breastfeeding. I don't think I need to share my thoughts about those books on a blog. I've also read numerous board books that I found at the PTA thrift shop--a very good deal. I have been quite excited about what I have found there.

I would like to add a little more non-fiction to my reading. I want something that will help me be a more informed person and understand the world a little better--any interesting subject will do. Any recommendations?

You're supposed to decorate the baby's bedroom?

I have had a few people ask me if I've had any fun ideas for decorating the baby's nursery. Honestly, it didn't even occur to me that I should (and no, I still don't feel like I have to). I was thinking we would just get a crib, some kind of storage compartment for clothes, and maybe a soft chair to fall asleep in at three o-clock in the morning (or afternoon), and then we might make some kind of mobile so he doesn't have to stare at the white ceiling. He's not going to care, and it wouldn't be any different from any other room in the apartment. While reading various things about baby care, I've realized that people really do go all out to decorate the baby's nursery. Some people choose a new theme for each of their children and buy the complete bedding set to make the room look perfect. They have to buy the most adorable crib, dresser, book shelf, toy box, tea party table, and more, and then make sure the paint and all the furniture have coordinating color schemes. Then of course there is the stenciling for the walls and a cute Noah's ark border with matching curtains. In all, it can cost thousands of dollars. Amazing. I had no idea. I have no problem with a little creative decorating--it's not my idea of fun, but go ahead if you like it. But spending thousands of dollars?

I read about this idea online--definitely a winner: Buy a belly casting mold and make a cast of your belly when you're at about 8 1/2 months in your pregnancy. It will be a great memento for you and your baby, and you can do all sorts of fun things to decorate it--paint it to match the color scheme of your nursery, use stencils, or even paste the ultrasound photos on it.

Ummmmm . . . no way.

I liked the way my sister-in-law Kristi decorated her girls' bedroom--with lots of their own artwork, plenty of books, and several small items and decorations that made it a safe, happy room. Looking around that room, I could tell that she had tried to put in simple reminders to her girls that she loves them and that they are children of God. That's the kind of thing I want to focus on in the little decorating I do in all the rooms in our house. I think that other than the basics, the only things I must have to decorate the nursery are a picture of Christ and of the temple.

7.3-ish months, including a tummy picture for Michelle

Well, it's happened. I can't get into my temple dress. Fortunately the nice ladies at the temple let me borrow a nice big one, so we were still able to go to the temple last week--what a great experience. I think it has new meaning to me as the baby's birth comes closer. It is a wonderful blessing to serve in the temple, and I don't want to let being a parent hold me back from going back regularly because I doubt I can do it as well without the temple. My cub scout uniform won't button up either, so I have been wearing it over another shirt. It's mildly disconcerting when you try on your clothes and find you can't even get them on, even if it's for a good reason like a growing baby taking up all the space.

I took some tummy pictures last week, but I couldn't bear to post them. I told my sister Michelle that and she said she wanted to see them and that she thinks pregnant people look so pretty, so I decided to try taking another picture, and I was much happier with the results. It probably helped to take a picture of all of me instead of just my torso--that makes sense. I wanted to avoid having to show my face since I wasn't sure whether to smile or ignore the camera, but a close-up of one's own torso is probably enough to give anyone self-esteem issues, pregnant or not. So here is a picture of me today, with eight weeks to go, because I love Michelle--thanks for helping me to keep my commitment to keep some kind of record of what I look like pregnant.

This month things have been very different from before. Those little thumps have mostly been replaced by little lumps--meaning that lots of times I can feel a knee or an elbow or a foot or a head or something pushing hard for long periods of time, usually underneath or near my ribs. I'm amazed at this little guy's strength sometimes. It would be mildly disconcerting to feel those little lumps under the surface of my tummy if I didn't know it was a baby, but since it is a baby, it's kind of fun. I have to wonder if it's annoying or nice from Baby Q's perspective to feel me rubbing my tummy. I really am enjoying watching and feeling these changes take place in my body. It is amazing to me that my body knows how to build a human being and give him all the nourishment and oxygen he needs. I am having an interesting time figuring out how to sleep comfortably at night--it usually involves putting pillows all over the place. So far it hasn't been too hard to get a good night's sleep. If you come to visit, bring your own pillow, because I'm using all of ours.

I can't explain how much I love my little boy. I am trying to be prepared for labor without focusing so much on it that I don't enjoy anticipating being a mother, which is much more important. The thought of all the little things that are involved in tenderly nurturing my own child sometimes makes me happy to the point of tears. It seems so right to be doing this.

If you read this blog by getting emails from me, I'm not sure if you'll see the picture. You can always go here to see how my posts look on the blog.

The Last Days

Hmmm . . . I wrote this a couple of weeks ago and decided to wait on it and see if I still felt like sharing it. I have been thinking about it again, so I think I'll add some additional thoughts that came to mind and see if I still like it.

I avoid talking about political issues with anyone except for Ryan. Other people make comments about those things on blogs or Facebook or talking to other people, but I am always pretty hesitant to write or share any of my thoughts about politics because I just don't want to start contention or invite comments like "I know--those [insert political stereotype here]s are so [insert insulting and shallow adjective here]." But I do think about it a lot and worry.

I don't follow the news very well, but I'm a lot more informed than I used to be because Ryan does read things and we often talk about the articles. I'm getting pretty tired of hearing about the latest thing the government wants to waste money on, how big the federal debt is getting, the newest comments (not much has changed about those comments, actually) by the people who think I'm foolish and deranged because of my beliefs and the things I value, the last car bomb that killed twenty people in Iraq, or how we are in the worst economic crisis since the depression. I mean, I do like to hear about these things because it's important to be aware of what's going on, and it gives me increased appreciation for living prophets who teach us how to be happy, prepared, and provident people, but I have to make sure not to think too much about it because it's discouraging to think about these perilous times.

Lots of people seem to be looking to the president, the schools, the riches of the world, or lots of other things to solve our problems. I really think that what will make so many of our worries better is responsibility and a return to virtue. If we would learn to work hard rather than expect things just for being alive, to enjoy learning and thinking and working rather than looking to the filthy and mindless for entertainment, to be concerned about the well-being and happiness of our families more than ourselves, to focus our energy on the things that are of the most worth, it seems like a majority of the problems that people are concerned about right now would not be an issue. It all makes so much sense to me because of my testimony and my own experiences, but so many people refuse to believe that this is true, and they just keep looking for happiness by going to the things that will make their problems worse. It's really sad that there are so many people who don't understand how much the atonement can do for a person.

I have read many, many comments by people who insist on finding fault with the church. Our support of traditional marriage, our position about abortion, the way that the church runs its welfare program, and tithing are some of the things I have noticed have been criticized lately. The people who make the mean and angry comments about the church's stance and actions in these areas are completely unwilling to see how wonderful the gospel is or to believe that we have our own real testimonies that it is true. A couple of evenings ago this was on my mind as I read some of the scriptures from the Sunday school study guide. I read a wonderful explanation of the atonement and repentance given by Alma to his son, and I had to wonder how anyone could read that and say that the Book of Mormon is an evil book, or go to a church meeting and say that the church is horrible. Are they paying attention to what is being said? How could it be offensive? The truths of the gospel are beautiful and wonderful to me, and I have observed that people who are willing to accept the gospel or at least let a seed be planted feel the same way. They love the Book of Mormon and the principles taught by our church. It is incredibly sad that Satan has such a great hold on some people that they can't even feel good about the principles of the gospel and they feel a need to criticize them. What a miserable existence that must be, refusing to accept the only source of lasting joy.

I do have a plan for dealing with all this. It's not going to immediately bring world peace, unfortunately, but I think it's the way God wants me to handle it. The nice thing is that He has a really effective plan in place, and we know it will work.

• Keep faithful to the gospel.
• Protect my family by keeping our home gospel centered--like by having scripture study and prayer and teaching them the gospel, and establishing our family based on the principles outlined in the Proclamation to the World.
• Get lots of food storage.
• Be a missionary. Things will get better if we can spread the gospel. There isn't much to be done for those who are completely against the church except to love them and stand firm, but God can protect us against the damage they want to do. The most important thing is to help as many people as possible to be brought to Jesus Christ and to enter the right way to eternal life.
  
• When all else fails, wait for the King of Kings. I think He would be a really good ruler. I don't know that I feel ready yet for that time to come, but at the same time I feel excited and eager for Christ to be here because ultimately it doesn't seem like all of the world's problems can be completely solved without Him. What a wonderful time that will be.

I keep thinking that the key to making changes in this world is through sharing the gospel. There are several times in the Book of Mormon stories when some group of people has become incredibly wicked and they were changed because the few faithful members of the Church taught them the gospel with all the strength they had--it even worked on some of the Gadianton robbers. I guess that's why the Lord of the vineyard in Jacob 5 called all his servants in to labor with all their might to preserve his vineyard when it looked like all of the trees were lost, and in the end he saved his tree and was able to preserve much of the fruit. That's symbolic of our time, and we must join those servants and save as much as we can.

Built-in Space Heater

That's what Ryan says I have right now. I didn't know you got so hot when you're pregnant. In high school and during my single years I used to sleep with three blankets, and maybe another one (or even a pillow) across my feet. Now I feel like I'm always kicking off the one blanket at night. Sometimes Ryan comes home to a freezing apartment because I turn up the cold air and turn on the ceiling fan, but the temperature feels great to me.

My friend Annie asked me to come watch her baby for a while so she could teach a flute lesson. She told me I was a lifesaver for her, but I have to say I really appreciated being asked, and I really enjoyed doing it. It feels so nice to have a little baby snuggle up against you or to watch him talk to you or look around. It was a confirmation to me that being a mother really is what I am supposed to do right now. I am looking forward to meeting Baby Q and having my own special little one. And laying on my back without feeling like I'm barely getting enough air.

Something I Learned Today

When President Monson announced that Neil L. Andersen would become the newest member of the quorum of the twelve apostles, I didn't doubt that he was the person the Lord had chosen. I have faith in the process by which the apostles and prophets are chosen, and I know that they are called and inspired of God. In the past few years I have felt more strongly than ever before that they are wise, wise men. As Elder Andersen got up and took his seat with the rest of the apostles, I remembered that he had spoken in the last General Conference. I couldn't remember what he talked about, but I remembered that it had been one of the talks that stuck out to me. Watching him take his seat, listening to his responses in the press conference, and listening to the talk he gave later on in conference, I thought several times, "I like him."

Today I was thinking about some things (you will see what they are below), and I remembered the phrase, "You know enough," which had been the title of somebody's conference talk. I didn't remember who had given the talk, but I decided to look it up and read over it again. You guessed it: The person who gave the talk was Neil L. Andersen. I knew I liked Elder Andersen.

Today the topic on my mind was raising children. These are some of the things I realized again about babies and children (for the umpteenth time in the past several months):

1. They cry. Sometimes unconsolably. Nursing, diaper changes, songs, rocking, and baths don't always fix it.
2. They get sick. And they need you to help them deal with it and feel better (and sometimes clean up), all day and all night. And you have to watch them cough or deal with a fever without being able to do much about it, all the time feeling sad because you know they are feeling miserable and don't understand why. And sometimes you're sick at the same time.
   
3. Some kids are very energetic and it's hard to get them to be reverent. That's not bad. Church is a long time for them to sit still. You just have to do your best to teach them (and use a bit of creativity) and be a good example. You also may not get as much out of your church meetings as you did before the kids were around.
   
4. They don't come toilet-trained, and every child learns it differently and has to have a custom-made program.
5. Some kids won't eat most foods.
6. Sometimes you just can't decide what to make for dinner, and you have to decide anyway while you have a child or two clutching you by the ankle or the pant leg and demanding to know what's for dinner.
   
7. Much of the time you have to handle these problems with multiple children, all at once.
8. Scariest of all--there are lots of things that still haven't occurred to me that will also be challenges.
   

This is not new to me. I was in high school when my brother and sister were babies, so I changed diapers and gave baths and held crying babies and watched my mom deal with it when they were sick or irreverent or whatever else. But the point is, my mom was in charge of that, and she didn't generally tell me that she hadn't had a good night's sleep all week, so I don't think I realized just how much parents do. I was watching some parents in sacrament meeting today dealing with wiggly or crying kids (and they did a great job!), and it sort of sank in again that it's going to be my job to decide how I will deal with that, because now I'm the mom. One thing I realized is that there are a lot of things I can't really plan for until it's happening. You can think a little bit about how to teach your children reverence or how you're going to handle various challenges, but in many ways you just can't figure it out until you know them, because they will all have different needs and personalities. You can't completely know what to expect.

It's kind of overwhelming to think of all that. I don't feel like I have had much preparation to handle those tough things. This is where Elder Anderson's talk comes in. As I was thinking about it this evening, I heard in my mind, "You know enough." And I do. There is no way I could begin the experience of motherhood with a perfect knowledge of how to deal with the tough decisions. There are things I am going to learn through motherhood that I couldn't learn any other way. And even though I feel pretty unprepared in many ways to face the challenges of being a mother, I also feel that I have been given the information that I need, and I have faith in my Heavenly Father and a testimony that I can turn to Him for help with the things that I don't know how to do yet. I am also very grateful that I have wonderful in-laws, friends, and parents who are good sources of wisdom, advice, and support. Best of all, I have an amazing eternal companion who will be there to help me when I get discouraged and to bring up ideas that I hadn't thought about--I can't imagine how I would do it without him, and I am grateful that we get to experience this new stage in our lives together. It will be hard, but I think we will also have a lot of fun and we will learn many things together. So I still worry and think about it, but I think I can do it.

Here are some of the statements that Elder Andersen made that I really liked:

"Brothers and sisters, we each have moments of spiritual power, moments of inspiration and revelation. We must sink them deep into the chambers of our souls. As we do, we prepare our spiritual home storage for moments of personal difficulty."

"Our spiritual journey is the process of a lifetime. We do not know everything in the beginning or even along the way."

“You don’t know everything, but you know enough!”

"As disciples of the Lord Jesus Christ, we have enormous spiritual reservoirs of light and truth available to us."

“He that receiveth light, and continueth in God, receiveth more light; and that light groweth brighter and brighter until the perfect day.” D&C 50:24