Written yesterday:
I accomplished a lot today. But for some reason I just feel discouraged. I had a lot of things I needed to do today. I had my mineralogy class this morning, which was fun, and then I had an appointment half an hour away in Hillsborough, after which I wanted to go to the library, see if there was anything good at the PTA thrift shop, get some money out of my bank account, get some things that were on sale at Kroger and Harris Teeter, and then try to catch up on my Calculus and make some bread before bedtime. We got to Hillsborough, the library, the bank, and Harris Teeter, but by the time we were done at Harris Teeter I knew we had to come home. Kevin was bored to tears and kept throwing the frozen vegetables on the floor, and he screamed much of the way home. At the library he was throwing books everywhere, faster than I could put them away, and in my head I was feeling like such a hypocrite because I was a library aide in fifth grade and eighth grade and I hated it when people just stuffed books wherever instead of putting them where they belong or at least giving them to a librarian to reshelf. That's how books disappear. At least they were still on the right shelf, right? And all of that was for me to pick up one book on CD to listen to in the car. At the bank he kept trying to run out the doors. It's kind of odd, because normally I know better than to try to get that much done when I've brought Kevin with me. For some reason I just planned out the whole trip and figured all the little stops wouldn't make much difference, but of course they did. Before Kevin was born I could do that. I could stop at the PTA thrift shop, then Goodwill, then Kroger, then the library, then the bank, and so on. And then when he was born I would very carefully plan my grocery shopping trips. I knew that I had to get everything planned and packed and ready while he was napping so that I could feed him as soon as he woke up and then go straight to the store, and I knew that I had about an hour to get it all done before he couldn't stand it anymore. It's better now because he can be awake for longer than that, but now the problem is that he won't hold still because he's bored. I may have to start getting groceries late at night after Ryan gets home and we have dinner so that I don't have to bring Kevin, but I don't want to because it's dark and it's late and I'd rather be with Ryan and all the good deals are out of stock.
I came home and felt like complaining that I didn't get anything done today.
It makes me think of something a friend of mine blogged about recently. She talked about how the best things are not convenient. Being a mother isn't terribly convenient, but it's still worth the effort and the challenges.
Continued today:
One of the reasons I was so disappointed that I didn't get everything done was because I had been planning to buy milk at Kroger (oh, and also Butterfingers). We've been going without milk for four or five days because I didn't have time to go grocery shopping between conference and Sunday and having class all afternoon on Monday. It was a lesson for us about what we would do in an emergency where we couldn't go to the store for a while, and it kind of makes me think that maybe we should try to get used to drinking powdered milk so that eating cold cereal with powdered milk will be possible (which it isn't right now, at least not for me).
So this morning I woke up and realized that we had no milk, so we couldn't have cereal for breakfast, and we had no bread because we finished it off yesterday and I didn't have time to make more because of the other errands. So I made muffins, and they were yummy. It made me feel good because muffins require milk and eggs, and yet I didn't have to use a single perishable item to make the muffins. Everyday emergencies happen. Store powdered milk and powdered eggs.
I had no measuring cups except a 1/3 cup and a 1/4 cup to use to make the muffins. But fortunately, I am somewhat advanced in math and I know how to make 2 1/2 cups from 1/3 and 1/4 cups.
To my credit, we did a lot of baking this weekend and the measuring cups were all in the dishwasher, but the dishwasher wasn't quite full yet so we hadn't started it. So we actually are doing something right. But I do generally feel that for some reason I just can't keep up with the dishes, and the scarier the pile is, the harder it is to bring myself to attack it. Even if I just cleaned the kitchen from top to bottom yesterday, there always seems to be a pile of dishes waiting to be washed. Those dishes are my mortal enemy that won't die. Maybe they're slowly working on me, getting me tireder and tireder so that one day they can attack and easily defeat me.
Well, this morning I finished up those muffins and popped them in the oven, and then I turned and stared at that pile in the sink, and I thought, "Okay, this is just wrong. I just used that bowl for popcorn, so why did I let it sit there and get filled with spaghetti sauce water?" This is a perfect example of a little word that I learned from Don Aslett: "procrustination." [sic] [or sick] It would have taken me ten seconds to wash that bowl, but because I decided that it could wait, I ended up have to spend much longer and use much more soap because it was so procrustinated. [sic/sick] So, as I often do when situations like this arise, I attacked those dishes with a vengeance, and by the time the muffins had cooked, I had managed to get them to retreat. Maybe what those dishes need is to be beaten into submission.
I often think that it would be a very good idea to make a rule for myself that the dishes must be washed or else in the dishwasher ready to be washed before I go to bed at night. Think of the freedom I would experience every morning if I woke up to an empty sink.
You probably fall into one of two groups of people. The first group is rolling their eyes and can't believe how silly I am. The second group is secretly thinking, "I can totally relate." The first group may be thinking that also. I hope both are still my friends.
In my defense, sometimes it's hard to get to the dishes when you know that if you focus on the dishes the rest of the house will be trashed while you're up to your elbows in soapy water. Sometimes I find myself washing dishes while Kevin is strewing all the clean dishes from the lower cupboards all over the floor. Seems a little counterproductive . . . which is an interesting word for me to use in this context since I'm being productive at the level of the counter while Kevin is making a mess at the ground level.
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
how to dye your clothes in the washing machine (not recommended)
I am so ashamed of myself. I know better than to wash a new purple dress with other clothes! At least the damage isn't too bad--one pink sock (sorry Ryan), one ruined shirt that I hated anyway (yay!), and one other shirt dyed pink on the "undershirt" part (which I was going to remove anyway). I seriously cannot believe how lucky I am that this did not turn out much worse. My only explanation for my foolishness is that I must not buy clothes often enough to remember that when they're new and brightly colored you have to wash them separately for a while. I'm just so embarrassed because I can't tell you how many times I got the Achievement Day/4-H/family home evening/Young Women's activity where we learned how to sort laundry, on top of all the times my mom taught me at home and the laundry sorting I do every week.
I have a suspicion that my calculus teacher is getting nicer. I wonder if she's one of those teachers who is mean until the first test so that lots of people will drop and then she decides to be slightly less scary. At any rate, she is definitely smiling more and making more good-natured jokes, and the other day she totally winked at the class (which caught me off guard). She is still intimidating to me, though. The last couple times in class she has given the class a problem to work on independently, and then she came and looked at my paper to see what my answer was. I knew that I hadn't done the problems quite right because I hadn't completely understood her explanations of how to do it, and as soon as she came my way my heart started beating faster and I couldn't think clearly. But I am learning how to be more brave.
I think I've finally found a seat in that class that I actually like sitting in. I feel like I've been moving all over the place trying to find a seat where I could actually see the board and not be distracted by other people talking, and there were always heads and computers and projectors in my way. But I think someone must have dropped the class, because one day I found a really great seat that hadn't been open before, and after a few days of sitting in it with nobody disputing it, I've decided it's mine. For some reason that makes me feel like I can actually bear this class.
I have a suspicion that my calculus teacher is getting nicer. I wonder if she's one of those teachers who is mean until the first test so that lots of people will drop and then she decides to be slightly less scary. At any rate, she is definitely smiling more and making more good-natured jokes, and the other day she totally winked at the class (which caught me off guard). She is still intimidating to me, though. The last couple times in class she has given the class a problem to work on independently, and then she came and looked at my paper to see what my answer was. I knew that I hadn't done the problems quite right because I hadn't completely understood her explanations of how to do it, and as soon as she came my way my heart started beating faster and I couldn't think clearly. But I am learning how to be more brave.
I think I've finally found a seat in that class that I actually like sitting in. I feel like I've been moving all over the place trying to find a seat where I could actually see the board and not be distracted by other people talking, and there were always heads and computers and projectors in my way. But I think someone must have dropped the class, because one day I found a really great seat that hadn't been open before, and after a few days of sitting in it with nobody disputing it, I've decided it's mine. For some reason that makes me feel like I can actually bear this class.
backwashing is a useful skill
Kevin generally insists on having a cup like Mom and Dad's to drink out of. At first when he drank from one, a lot would dribble down his front because he didn't know how to control how much liquid went into his mouth. But he's gradually learning how to spit it back into the cup if he takes too much. You never realize how useful it is to be able to backwash until you watch someone who doesn't know how to do it try to drink from a regular cup. He does pretty well drinking from a regular cup. We still give him sippy cups generally, but if he asks for it we will give him a regular cup. We've learned pretty quickly not to put too much water or milk in it at once because it doesn't take long before he's no longer thirsty and the cup becomes a toy. Kevin also likes to put all of his dinner in the cup, and finds it very delightful to be able to look down into the cup and see his handiwork.
I am frequently amazed at how smart this kid is. One evening I found him with a partially unbent paper clip (no idea where he got it from), putting the long pointy part into the hole of the doorknob of the bathroom. I am not kidding--he got it in the hole. We generally keep the bathroom and our bedroom locked because that's where all of the off-limits stuff has migrated to. I thought it was very smart of him to notice how we unlock the doors. Behold the proof:
He had "toilet water" written very clearly in his determined eyes
He is starting to be a little more interested in having books read to him. One thing we've observed about Kevin is that he is very interested in what you can do with things, and not very interested at all in things like pictures. For example, some kids like to sit and look at the pictures in books, but Kevin is more interested in what you do--turn the pages. He likes the kinds of books that have things you can feel, like fur or whiskers or feathers, and he likes the kinds that have flaps or other things that involve an action on his part. I'm sure it's also partly his age, but it's interesting to see already what things are interesting to him and how his mind works.
I am frequently amazed at how smart this kid is. One evening I found him with a partially unbent paper clip (no idea where he got it from), putting the long pointy part into the hole of the doorknob of the bathroom. I am not kidding--he got it in the hole. We generally keep the bathroom and our bedroom locked because that's where all of the off-limits stuff has migrated to. I thought it was very smart of him to notice how we unlock the doors. Behold the proof:
He had "toilet water" written very clearly in his determined eyes
He is starting to be a little more interested in having books read to him. One thing we've observed about Kevin is that he is very interested in what you can do with things, and not very interested at all in things like pictures. For example, some kids like to sit and look at the pictures in books, but Kevin is more interested in what you do--turn the pages. He likes the kinds of books that have things you can feel, like fur or whiskers or feathers, and he likes the kinds that have flaps or other things that involve an action on his part. I'm sure it's also partly his age, but it's interesting to see already what things are interesting to him and how his mind works.
Sunday, September 26, 2010
It used to be that when Kevin put food into his mouth and some of it got stuck on his face or lips, he would use the back of his hand to push it in. But recently he has figured out how to use his lips or his tongue to get it in instead of his hand. Kind of a little thing, but for some reason it stuck out to me. It's fun to see him learn new skills.
We went to a consignment sale a couple of weeks ago and found some stuff. They are solving some of my most challenging problems. For example, we found one of those plastic boxes with a lid that you can put in your dishwasher to hold little things that tend to fly all over while it's running. $1. And we found a booster seat with a tray that actually fits in my kitchen sink. $4. And we found a toy that makes annoying noises and sings annoying children's songs. $2. (I don't love the annoying noise-making toys, but Kevin had to have something to satisfy the underlying need to make things beep.)
Recently I introduced Kevin to the world of coloring with crayons. He still thinks my favorite mechanical pencil is better, but he still enjoys the crayons. He also enjoys biting them, unfortunately. I was actually surprised at how long it took for him to start scraping his teeth on them, but it did happen (and hasn't stopped since), so you don't have to worry that he's not a normal child. Here's his first crayon drawing:
Kevin also reaches for the balloons every time we go to Kroger, and he's very disappointed when we don't get one. I keep forgetting to get him one of the free ones from Harris Teeter. He was also very determined to get a Starbucks gift card the other day.
Here's a cute video:
I think that was a piece of chicken that he put in his mouth when he made a face. He cannot stand chicken. Even when I was pregnant he hated chicken. (I had food aversions to poultry for pretty much the entire pregnancy). He also cannot stand bananas, which is unfortunate since they are so nutritious and cheap.
Here are a couple of cute pictures taken at about the same time as the video:
He is really growing up. I can't believe how much older he looks in these pictures.
Today our ward had the primary program. The children sang the new song that they've been learning this year, I Know that My Savior Loves Me. I had a wonderful feeling as they sang, and I thought, "This is what I want for Kevin. I want him to know this and understand this. This is why I want to be a mother."
On Friday I spoke with an Asian girl who was riding the same bus home as I was. Kevin had been waving at her, and she said he was really cute. Then after that she told me that she wants to have a baby (she's married--I saw her waving goodbye to her husband before she got on the bus and they are such a cute couple). I almost felt tears in my eyes as I told her that I love being a mom and that having a baby was the best thing I ever did. I don't really know if it was really a missionary moment since I didn't tell her where I go to church, but it was still really neat to get to bear my testimony of motherhood to somebody. I feel like what I said really touched her.
We went to a consignment sale a couple of weeks ago and found some stuff. They are solving some of my most challenging problems. For example, we found one of those plastic boxes with a lid that you can put in your dishwasher to hold little things that tend to fly all over while it's running. $1. And we found a booster seat with a tray that actually fits in my kitchen sink. $4. And we found a toy that makes annoying noises and sings annoying children's songs. $2. (I don't love the annoying noise-making toys, but Kevin had to have something to satisfy the underlying need to make things beep.)
Recently I introduced Kevin to the world of coloring with crayons. He still thinks my favorite mechanical pencil is better, but he still enjoys the crayons. He also enjoys biting them, unfortunately. I was actually surprised at how long it took for him to start scraping his teeth on them, but it did happen (and hasn't stopped since), so you don't have to worry that he's not a normal child. Here's his first crayon drawing:
Kevin also reaches for the balloons every time we go to Kroger, and he's very disappointed when we don't get one. I keep forgetting to get him one of the free ones from Harris Teeter. He was also very determined to get a Starbucks gift card the other day.
Here's a cute video:
I think that was a piece of chicken that he put in his mouth when he made a face. He cannot stand chicken. Even when I was pregnant he hated chicken. (I had food aversions to poultry for pretty much the entire pregnancy). He also cannot stand bananas, which is unfortunate since they are so nutritious and cheap.
Here are a couple of cute pictures taken at about the same time as the video:
He is really growing up. I can't believe how much older he looks in these pictures.
Today our ward had the primary program. The children sang the new song that they've been learning this year, I Know that My Savior Loves Me. I had a wonderful feeling as they sang, and I thought, "This is what I want for Kevin. I want him to know this and understand this. This is why I want to be a mother."
On Friday I spoke with an Asian girl who was riding the same bus home as I was. Kevin had been waving at her, and she said he was really cute. Then after that she told me that she wants to have a baby (she's married--I saw her waving goodbye to her husband before she got on the bus and they are such a cute couple). I almost felt tears in my eyes as I told her that I love being a mom and that having a baby was the best thing I ever did. I don't really know if it was really a missionary moment since I didn't tell her where I go to church, but it was still really neat to get to bear my testimony of motherhood to somebody. I feel like what I said really touched her.
why I chose the hard way
Recently, I was explaining to someone that I had the option of taking a statistics class or Calculus 3 for one of the requirements of my major. This person was surprised and asked me why I didn't just do statistics because it would have been so much easier. At the time I didn't know how to answer, other than to say that my advisor said that they highly recommend doing the calculus option.
But I thought about it a little more and I think I have a better answer now. My advisor's recommendation had an influence on my decision, but the real reason I decided to do it was because it would be hard. I knew that the challenge would be good for me because I would learn how to persevere and because I would gain an increased ability to understand things. If I master these concepts, I will have math skills that are necessary in order to understand the science topics that interest me. (I still wonder most days why I do these things to myself, though.)
I believe we used similar reasoning when we made the choice to come to earth and have physical bodies. We knew it would be challenging. We knew that we would have to leave our Father in Heaven for a while. We knew we would have obstacles like sickness and poverty and temptation and depression that would make it a difficult experience. But we also knew that there was no other way that we could learn the things that we would come to understand while we were here, and that we would have to have physical bodies so that we could receive the ordinances of the gospel. We knew that this was the choice we needed to make so we could continue to progress and ultimately return to God and receive eternal life. That's why we made the choice to have mortal lives.
But I thought about it a little more and I think I have a better answer now. My advisor's recommendation had an influence on my decision, but the real reason I decided to do it was because it would be hard. I knew that the challenge would be good for me because I would learn how to persevere and because I would gain an increased ability to understand things. If I master these concepts, I will have math skills that are necessary in order to understand the science topics that interest me. (I still wonder most days why I do these things to myself, though.)
I believe we used similar reasoning when we made the choice to come to earth and have physical bodies. We knew it would be challenging. We knew that we would have to leave our Father in Heaven for a while. We knew we would have obstacles like sickness and poverty and temptation and depression that would make it a difficult experience. But we also knew that there was no other way that we could learn the things that we would come to understand while we were here, and that we would have to have physical bodies so that we could receive the ordinances of the gospel. We knew that this was the choice we needed to make so we could continue to progress and ultimately return to God and receive eternal life. That's why we made the choice to have mortal lives.
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
on being personally enriched
As I mentioned recently, my new goal is to be personally enriched by school. I remind myself of this goal multiple times a day.
On Monday, I made an interesting observation. After coming out of my mineralogy lab, I realized that I felt personally enriched. Very much so, in fact. We were looking at various igneous rocks and identifying the minerals in them, and I thought it was very fun. I wish I could describe to you the joy that I felt when I found some garnets in a rock that was mostly plagioclase and amphiboles, or when we compared rocks that both had K-feldspar, plagioclase, and amphiboles, but the feldspar was more consolidated in one of the rocks because it had cooled more slowly. All the things that I learn about science increase my faith in God and Jesus Christ. I am awed at all the things They have to know and be able to do in order to create worlds.
On Monday, I made an interesting observation. After coming out of my mineralogy lab, I realized that I felt personally enriched. Very much so, in fact. We were looking at various igneous rocks and identifying the minerals in them, and I thought it was very fun. I wish I could describe to you the joy that I felt when I found some garnets in a rock that was mostly plagioclase and amphiboles, or when we compared rocks that both had K-feldspar, plagioclase, and amphiboles, but the feldspar was more consolidated in one of the rocks because it had cooled more slowly. All the things that I learn about science increase my faith in God and Jesus Christ. I am awed at all the things They have to know and be able to do in order to create worlds.
Friday, September 17, 2010
lessons learned from school
This week I have decided to implement two concepts into my life.
First of all, I have decided that I am going to school for personal enrichment. Not a degree. Not so I can get a job someday if for some reason I need to work. Those will be nice side bonuses if I graduate. But I am going to look at this as an opportunity to become a better person and to gain light and truth and knowledge. Which means that I am trying very hard to learn to measure success in my schoolwork based on if I am enjoying it rather than the grades. If at some point I feel like being a mom is just too busy and I don't have time to go to school any more, that's fine. If I don't manage to finish my degree here before we leave, that's fine. This is for personal enrichment.
Second, I learned this week that there are people who are just plain mean. There aren't a lot of them, but they do exist. And although I will inevitably come in contact with these people a few times in my life, I'm not going to let them get me down, and I'm not going to let them be a reason to quit.
First of all, I have decided that I am going to school for personal enrichment. Not a degree. Not so I can get a job someday if for some reason I need to work. Those will be nice side bonuses if I graduate. But I am going to look at this as an opportunity to become a better person and to gain light and truth and knowledge. Which means that I am trying very hard to learn to measure success in my schoolwork based on if I am enjoying it rather than the grades. If at some point I feel like being a mom is just too busy and I don't have time to go to school any more, that's fine. If I don't manage to finish my degree here before we leave, that's fine. This is for personal enrichment.
Second, I learned this week that there are people who are just plain mean. There aren't a lot of them, but they do exist. And although I will inevitably come in contact with these people a few times in my life, I'm not going to let them get me down, and I'm not going to let them be a reason to quit.
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