2020 Christmas Letter

TL;DR We exist, there's a pandemic, we stayed home a lot, I have cute kids, and Ryan works at NASA.

What a year. I don't think I like living in unprecedented times (although admittedly the memes this year have been great). I think one of the biggest challenges has been figuring out how to navigate relationships with people who I strongly disagree with. It's hard to let people be wrong, but you can't force people to change their mind. I'm learning to acknowledge that everyone is on a different journey to figure out truth and become better versions of themselves. I'm trying to see people with compassion, to try to understand how they might be feeling or why their background might lead them to the beliefs and opinions they have. At the beginning of the year I stewed about it a lot, but I've been learning that I've got to live life, and if I let my worries and frustrations about other people take over my life, I'll miss out on doing the things that are most meaningful to me.

I've been heartbroken to see cases of COVID-19 rising throughout the world and especially in the United States. I never imagined I would live during a pandemic. Today the Johns Hopkins Coronavirus Resource Center says that in the United States there are 18,768,116 confirmed cases and 330,340 people have died. I expect it will get worse for the next month or two. I feel fortunate that so far I haven't lost a family member to this disease, although I do have some loved ones who have caught it, including my sister and her fiancée, who are recovering. I worry every day that someone I care about will die or experience long-term harm as a result of COVID-19. I worry for our healthcare workers who are having to make heartbreaking decisions and work way too hard as they treat sick people in overflowing hospitals.  I do feel grateful that good vaccines are starting to roll out. It feels like there's a light at the end of the tunnel. Please wear a mask and practice physical distancing, my friends.

Our family is joining a new study with Johns Hopkins University that will look at how the coronavirus spreads in families with small children. It involves weekly nose swabs, monthly mouth swabs, and three blood draws, plus extra tests if we test positive for COVID. It took some wheedling to convince Kevin and Heidi to participate, but they agreed. We're excited to be able to contribute to understanding the virus better.

Church has mostly been virtual this year. We have weekly Sacrament meetings by Zoom, and Sunday School and Relief Society/Elder's Quorum meetings are being held twice a month by Zoom. The children have missed going to primary and activity days. It's been sad to see the temples throughout the world be closed or operating on a limited basis this year. We miss the blessings that come from doing baptisms and other ordinances by proxy for our deceased ancestors. But it has also been a special blessing to have home church. We sing a hymn, Ryan blesses the sacrament and administers it to our family, and we have a lesson. Knowing this is the only church the kids are getting has motivated me to work harder to teach them about the gospel at home, which I should have been doing anyway. Sometimes our lessons are a little crazy, but we've had many special times too.

One of our home church lessons was about the Nephites pitching their tents towards the temple to hear King Benjamin speak, so we built a fort and took turns reading a favorite part of his sermon.

Kevin, Heidi, and Ann Marie have done most of their school virtually this year. Schools closed in March and never reopened. I've been very impressed with the teachers. Teaching on a Google Meet is not ideal, but they manage the classrooms well and the students navigate to different Google Meets and assignments on Google Classroom mostly independently now. The challenge for me is making sure the kids stay on task and don't stray to Minecraft videos on YouTube, while still trying to take care of Ruby and keep up with what needs to be done at home. We're not perfect by any means, but we'll keep pushing through the best we can.

One of our early homeschool days--I told them to write an essay about how to trap a leprechaun.

These were from a music assignment to use recycled materials to make a musical instrument.

Fall virtual learning has been more rigorous than it was in the Spring, with synchronous learning on a schedule. Sometimes it's great, sometimes it's a little rough. And sometimes it's kind of a pain.

I had a goal to visit so many places this year and take advantage of living so close to Washington, DC, but because of the pandemic, the museums have been closed most of the year. Instead, we took advantage of several hiking trails and walking paths in the area. We enjoyed the Patuxent Sand Esker and the clay/sand field next to it. The lotus flowers at the New Kenilworth Gardens were beautiful. I think my favorite is the National Arboretum. It was beautiful in the fall. One nice thing about schools closing in the spring was that we were able to spend time outside together when the weather was beautiful, when normally the kids would be in school all day. I planted some tulip, daffodil, and hyacinth bulbs this fall, so hopefully next spring we'll have pretty flowers in our little front yard!

Ryan enjoys his work as a postdoc at NASA. He published a paper this year.  He's been able to work exclusively from home since April. In many ways it's convenient, but in other ways it's inconvenient. He's been able to continue meeting and collaborating with his advisor and other people at NASA through virtual meetings. He got a telescope for his birthday and has enjoyed playing with it on some of our hikes. He was called to be second counselor in the Elder's Quorum Presidency.

Ryan got Grandma Wessman's famous Heath Bar Cake for his birthday. It's chocolate poke cake with sweetened condensed milk and caramel poured over the top, then frosted with whipped cream and covered with chopped Heath bars. (He says only seventeen people have died of sugar overload from this cake. They died happy.)

The pandemic has forced me to really work through some of my mental health challenges. I tried therapy, which was okay, but I don't think the therapist was a great fit for me. I have a good psychiatrist who diagnosed my anxiety and helped me get medication that works. Medicine has brought me up to a level where I can work through my thoughts and use coping mechanisms like journaling, guided meditation, getting enough sleep, mantras, and exercise to keep myself in a good place. I threw out my back again soon after the kids' school closed. It was so bad I couldn't walk. Although I did recover enough that I could do normal things, back pain was still a daily problem. After some fasting and prayer, this fall I decided to try physical therapy, and since then I've seen great improvement. My physical therapist has helped me to strengthen my muscles and improve my flexibility, and it's made a big difference. And now that I'm not dealing with daily back pain, I'm able to do everything else much more easily, which has been good for my mental health. I'm very thankful.

Other than back pain, dealing with depression and anxiety, and doom-scrolling, I've mainly been homemaking and taking care of kids. It's been nice to have Ryan home, even if it's just so I can go down and rant or share funny things the kids did. Earlier in the year, I was singing in the DC Temple Choir. We joined the Southern Virginia University Chamber Singers to give a beautiful concert. Unfortunately, we haven't been able to meet since April due to the pandemic. I look forward to hopefully singing with them again next year. I've read 71 books so far this year (a mix of books read aloud to the kids, audiobooks, and physical books). I'm in two book clubs that are held virtually. I've joined a virtual group that discusses racism, how it shows up in our church, and how we can recognize and work on implicit bias in ourselves. Talking to people virtually isn't quite the same as in-person, but actually it works pretty well. I also took up macro counting (a little like counting calories, but the emphasis is on having the right proportions of carbohydrates, protein, and fat). I've liked it because it's helped me get a better handle on my nutrition, know more about the nutrition and portion sizes of foods, and figure out how to have a healthy diet while still incorporating treats. (Ryan might think it's a little annoying that I weigh my food). The best thing I learned was how to do a reverse diet and then eat at maintenance calories. I've also been getting stronger lifting dumbbells and doing core exercises, and I'm hoping to do some powerlifting next year once it's safe to go to gyms again. I wasn't planning to do much sewing this year, but I ended up sewing several masks and starting to teach the three older kids how to sew. They're working on some flannel blankets that we will donate to the Linus project.

Kevin is in sixth grade. He doesn't like virtual learning. He's been playing Minecraft a lot. He's doing great at piano lessons. He's mastered Called To Serve and is learning to play Fur Elise. He's in the Concert Band at school, playing the clarinet. His band teacher had all the students record themselves playing their part for the band pieces and then put them all together to make a video for the band concert. It actually worked pretty well.

Heidi is in fourth grade. She does all of her virtual learning independently and gets all of her homework done without any reminding. It's kind of amazing. She doesn't want to go back if the schools switch to a hybrid model. She's doing viola lessons virtually with the school. She's also doing great at piano lessons. I've been amazed to see her improvement. We love their piano teacher. Heidi reads as much as she can. She has also learned to make blueberry muffins, biscuits, German pancakes, and regular pancakes independently. The pandemic helped make this possible because being at home so much gave her the time.

Ann Marie is in first grade. She's making good progress learning to read. I've loved that she has let me teach her how to read. This year she lost her first two teeth. She taught herself to ride her bike, and spent hours every day riding around the neighborhood. She also loves Minecraft. She enjoyed playing with Heidi so much this year. She's such a fun kid.

Ruby is two. She had a minor surgery this year to fix the trigger thumb in her right hand. Her thumb was stuck in a bent position (probably a congenital problem, but we didn't notice it until about a year ago). The surgery was less than five minutes. She handled it like a champ. She spends most days wearing dresses or dress-up clothes while dancing and singing. She's pretty content to play with toys in her room for hours. We've had a lovely time reading hundreds of picture books together. Earlier in the year she and I went on walks together almost every day, which she loved. It's been so fun to see her language advance this year from single words to full sentences. She replaces "R" and "L" with the "Y" sound, which means we get asked to "yock" the door, "yook" at the pretty "yock," and watch how fast she can "yun," and that is pretty adorable.

Thistle the cat is calming down as she becomes an adult. She spends long periods of time sleeping on the foot of our bed (I never thought I would let a cat on my bed). She's not a snuggly cat, although she likes petting if it's in exactly the right place, and will occasionally condescend to be held. But she does like us, as long as we're on the other side of the room. I'm delighted to report that we were able to keep her from climbing into the Christmas tree this year. We bought some stiff mesh fabric and attached it to the bottom layer of branches with zip ties.

I don't really expect things to magically get better on January 1st, but I have hope that things will get better gradually. I think the people who have been developing vaccines and treatments and doing studies to understand how the coronavirus spreads are pretty amazing. For my part, instead of going back to normal, I hope to change and live life differently as a result of this year. I hope to be a better friend and seek opportunities to spend quality time with my friends, and I also plan to do work to be a friend to people who look different from me. I look forward to being able to attend church the way we used to, with our entire ward, and I hope I won't take that opportunity for granted anymore, and that I will go back with a determination to contribute more to my congregation. I look forward to the dedication of the Washington DC temple (hopefully sometime in 2021), and after not being in the temple for a year and a half, I plan to attend often.

I love the many opportunities to reflect on Jesus Christ at this time of year. Normally I would be singing in Christmas concerts, and I've missed that. This year it's been clear to me that I have much to learn and improve about myself, and I am very grateful that because of Jesus Christ I can repent. I am grateful that He is a part of my life and that He changes my heart.

I love you all. We look forward to being able to see friends and family in person again, to see your entire faces and give you hugs. Stay well, and have hope.

Love,

Marcelaine (on behalf of the Tanner family)