Another Week Staying Home For the Public Good

About a month ago I was starting to feel like my mental health was stabilizing. I was exercising regularly and getting dinner on the table, I was feeling like I had more physical and mental energy, and because I was feeling more energy I was able to get more done because I didn't have to work so hard to convince myself I could do it. I didn't feel constantly exhausted and defeated.

Sometimes I jokingly wonder if God said, "Okay, Marcelaine, you've passed 'Managing a Home and Family While Coping with Depression,' so now I'm going to move you up to 'Managing a Home and Family While Coping With Depression and Facing a Global Pandemic in Social Isolation.'"

Sometimes in my good periods I used to wonder if I really did have depression. When I wasn't experiencing it, it was hard to remember just how bad it was, and sometimes I would think I was just being dramatic or feeling a little sad. Then just as I would start to feel comfortable, Depression would come back and say, "I'm still here!!!"

A few days ago I was having a hard time in the evening, and it felt like that, complete with Depression saying, "Hey, I'm still here!" And then I heard the quieter voice of the Holy Ghost say, "Hey, I'm still here." It's comforting to remember that our Heavenly Father is still here. He will not forget us.

People keep saying they hope this will end soon. They act like things will go back to normal in a week or two. Honestly, I expect to be social distancing until May at least. If the government had started preparing back in January or February, maybe it wouldn't have been as bad. If widespread testing had been available with personnel in charge of tracking the spread of the coronavirus, it would have been much more doable to contain it by this point. I'm still shocked at how little they did. However, I do feel heartened that both the House and Senate have passed the bill to provide relief to Americans and help the healthcare workers get what they need. I'm not thrilled about how much this is going to add to the federal debt, but I do think it needed to be done. I think it would have been much easier to deal with the spending if we didn't have all that debt.

I don't think we're even seeing the worst of it yet. I think we're going to be looking like Italy within a month. I'm not really afraid for myself or my family. We're healthy and young, and we're doing a good job of social distancing. But what I'm dreading is that at some point people I know and care about will likely be affected. Our parents and my grandma are at higher risk because of their ages. There are elderly people in my current ward and in previous wards who are at higher risk. I'm wondering how long it's going to be until someone I know personally becomes very sick or even dies. For most people it still feels like something that's happening in other countries, but the truth is the United States now has the highest number of confirmed cases in the world, and because we're not testing people the numbers are likely much higher, maybe more than ten times higher.

I stress about school for my kids. I read a blog post recently that said this isn't homeschooling; this is crisis schooling. Sounds much more accurate. This week my kids are supposed to start having graded assignments again, and other e-learning activities. I'm a little frustrated that they haven't been more clear yet about what that will look like. The teachers don't even seem to know. The superintendent sent a letter out saying that e-learning will be happening within two three-hour windows each day, but I'm not sure what that actually means. I sure hope it doesn't mean my kids are going to be in Zoom conferences or doing assignments for six hours every day, because I can tell you right now there's no way I can make that happen.

We're very grateful that Ryan can work from home. I know many, many people are not able to work right now. He's working on getting a paper ready for publication, and it seems like it's coming together.

I've been reading The Lord of the Rings series every chance I get. I'm at the beginning of Return of the King. I reread the series every few years, and I love it more every time. It's beautiful writing. Because I've been making an effort to read poetry this year, I've also enjoyed all of the poetry in the books. It's probably my favorite poetry I've read so far this year.

I think there are some lessons here about how to build food storage and prepare. It's like the five foolish virgins who had to run to buy more oil for their lamps and missed the bridegroom. Because so many people weren't prepared, they all overwhelmed the stores and caused shortages. (And having huge crowds in the stores in the midst of a pandemic was also a disaster in terms of stopping the spread.) The time to prepare is when things are normal, not when the disaster is already happening.

Grocery shopping has been okay for us. They have 2-gallon limits on milk at the stores, which is kind of hard for a family our size, but I usually have to go to Aldi and then Wegmans anyway, so it's worked out. (Aldi is a smaller store that has great prices for the basics, but for things they don't carry I go to Wegmans.) I've started making whole wheat bread again too since they have limits on bread, and it's actually been pretty fantastic to have homemade bread again. I still haven't been brave enough to try Costco. I've seen pictures of the lines winding around the building six times, and at this point it doesn't feel worth it to me.

Ryan and Ann Marie are completely recovered. Heidi was sick with the same thing last Friday evening, but she recovered quickly.

I don't need to be partying with friends every night, but right now I think I could really use a girls' night with friends.