To my 11-year-old self

Dear Marci,

I won't ask how you're doing because I know the last couple of years have been really crummy. You're being really hard on yourself, and unfortunately I haven't been very kind to you either over the years. I've mostly remembered how awkward and emotional you are. But recently I've been thinking about you, and I wanted to let you know that you are a daughter of God, you have great worth, and you are a wonderful person. Here are some things that I admire about you:

You have integrity. You had a friend who was a bad influence on you, and you made huge sacrifices to separate yourself from that person. You're very lonely right now and you feel like you'll never have any friends, but I am proud of you for that choice. I think more people like you than you realize.

You love the scriptures. Already you have started developing a habit of studying them and trying to apply them in your life. They will give you a lot of comfort.

You're doing a great job learning to play the piano. I'm so glad you stuck with piano lessons. It's going to be a blessing throughout your life.

You already know how to bake so many things from scratch--cookies and banana bread are no problem for you. Do you know how many adults can't do that?

You're funny. No, really, you are. I wish I still had that paper you wrote about the water cycle from the perspective of a water droplet--especially at the end when he was mixed with Kool-aid and somebody drank him.

You're spiritual. You've memorized all the Articles of Faith and earned your Gospel in Action award--and you did this independently because you were motivated to do it. You participate in Primary by helping your teachers, singing the songs, and giving thoughtful talks.

You're ambitious. I think you've always planned to go to college. Someday you're going to read War and Peace. You have big dreams about what you want to do someday.

You are beautiful. I know you don't think so now, and I think partly that's social pressures persuading you that you should never be satisfied with your body. But I look at your pictures now and I think you're beautiful.

You are a great student. I know the whole concept of responsibility and organization is kind of hard right now, but you're going to figure it out. You do good work.

Already you choose to volunteer your time. You help in the school library because you enjoy it, and it's no small responsibility to put away all the non-fiction books by yourself. And you helped with that Kindergarten Kid Care event too.

It really is going to get better. You have so much to look forward to, and with maturity you will gain confidence. I'm proud of you for overcoming the trials you're facing right now.

Love,
Marcelaine


Recently I saw the video below by Kristina Kuzmic and it inspired me to do some thought work about myself. I realized that I've been harboring a lot of negative thoughts about what I was like as a 10-11 year old, and I decided to think about the positive qualities I had back then--it took a lot of thought at first because I've only remembered the negative for so long. It was a really powerful and healing exercise for me.