Pullen Park, take two

Ryan's been busy lately trying to meet some deadlines and get some projects done, and one day he came home and said, "Let's go to Pullen Park on Monday. I need a vacation." At Pullen Park there are train and carousel rides for $1 per person, and also several playgrounds and a big shady grassy area. The kids had a really fun time. Last time we went Kevin had a hard time with the transitions, but this time he had a great attitude, so it was really encouraging to see how much he has matured and progressed in the last couple of years.

Kevin was able to climb all the way to the top!

Can I be frank for a moment?

Sometimes I think I will be lucky if my relationship with Kevin is intact by the end of this summer. He won't listen, he ignores me, he breaks the rules, he's defiant, he screams for fun, he bangs on my piano, he won't stop saying potty words, he goes into our room and gets into our things without permission (sometimes even picking the lock to do so), he pushes or hits at the slightest provocation from Heidi. I really try not to yell, but when it's just one thing after another I keep losing it. I feel like as his mother I'm the person who has more influence on him than anybody else, and I can't tell you how much it hurts that I just can't get through to him. I feel like everything is centered around him because of his sensory needs and his behavior problems, and I'm always on edge wondering if he's going to do something. It's exhausting and incredibly discouraging.

Around other moms I feel self-conscious because I know to many it looks like I'm not strict enough. I think many people don't realize what it's like to have a child like this. I've tried all the tricks from the parenting books and nothing fixes the problem. The fact of the matter is, good parenting goes a long way, but in the end you can't force your child to make good choices, and some kids are naturally more obedient or subdued than others.

We're halfway through summer and I can't wait till school starts. Maybe if I were a better mom I would be able to treasure this time with him home more, but when I deal with the same challenges every day it's really draining.

Standing by herself

Ann Marie is getting very close to walking. She will walk with help even if she's only holding a finger, and she has learned to stand up without help by herself. She can even get to a standing position from the middle of the floor. Here is a video of Ann Marie being so excited and proud of herself for standing up.

After another frustrating day of trying pretty ineffectively to get the kids to pick up after themselves, this evening I was in the mood to throw some stuff away. I decided to tackle a box full of things like beads, pipe cleaners, craft foam, and more. At one point they were busy bags from when I participated in an exchange several years ago, but they got mixed up. I kept it all for so long because the kids liked to get it out and play with it sometimes. I think I figured that I should let them play with it despite the stress because that's what a good mom would do, which is dumb.

Recently I read that if you are having a hard time getting rid of something, you should say to it, "Thank you for giving me joy," and then you can get rid of it without feeling guilty, which admittedly sounds a little odd, which is probably why I remembered it. I was thinking about this as I went through the busy bag junk, and to be honest I didn't feel at all inclined to thank this stuff because there are so many stressful memories and feelings associated with it. That made it even easier to get rid of it all.

I did wonder if some of the things might bring joy to someone else, so after sorting it out I figured I would leave the better stuff in the hall for a day and then throw it away if nobody wanted it. I checked a few minutes later and surprisingly it was all gone. I'm still shocked that someone wanted it. One man's junk . . .

some pictures

Kevin's last day of Kindergarten

Ann Marie up to mischief

First ponytail

Heidi's 4th birthday

Heidi was very excited to celebrate her fourth birthday on June 23rd. It was pretty low-key. She requested homemade macaroni and cheese for dinner and then we had presents and cake.

I didn't have time to make the cake, so Ryan made it when he got home from work (he actually is the one who usually makes the birthday cakes) and it was still a little warm when he frosted it. The frosting was sort of melted and runny from the warm cake, so it was quite a messy affair to eat it. Ann Marie did not get any because it was too messy. It was also very sweet. Even Ryan warned me that he wasn't planning to take any for his lunch the next day, and I didn't eat any more than the one piece.

She got some My Little Ponies, Moxie dolls (they're like the Target brand of Barbies, except I think they look more like real people), and books, and she adores the ponies and the dolls. Of course their hair is already a matted mess, but that's doll hair for you.

June happenings

Kevin's last day of school was on the 12th of June. On the 11th, his class celebrated the three summer birthdays and invited the parents of those kids (including me) to come to the party. The school has a policy of no treats for birthdays (which I think is a great policy!), but they asked if we wanted to do an activity with the kids. I suggested that we should do elephant toothpaste and slime. I think it was a hit. I was a little nervous that Kevin's teacher wouldn't appreciate the mess, but she said she thought it was great because it was so hands-on. The elephant toothpaste was very cool. The teacher assistant and one of the parents had no idea that you can buy yeast in the grocery store, which kind of threw me off because I buy the four-pound bag at Costco and I forgot most people don't know how to make bread, or at least don't make it very often. I think the kids enjoyed the slime, but you really have to get your hands in it for it to work, and most of the kids didn't want to touch it, so I don't think they liked that one as much. I haven't been able to help out at Kevin's school a lot this year, so I was glad I was able to find a babysitter and help out this time.

The day after school let out (a Saturday), we did some rearranging in the kids' room. We had been planning on it for a while, but we wanted to wait until school was over because changes like that tend to make Kevin hyper. The main change was that we converted the kids' twin beds into bunk beds. Then we moved the toys and shelves to conform to the new bed configuration. It's been a good change. There was barely any room in there to play before because the beds took up so much space, and now there's a nice big space in there to play, so the kids spend a lot more time in their with their toys. It looks a lot less cluttered now too.

Monday was a rough day. Kevin was really disobedient the entire morning and kept being mean to Heidi. I was filled with despair thinking this was what the whole summer would be like. The only thing that kept me going was knowing that we were going swimming with friends at 11:30. I didn't dare threaten to not go swimming because I knew it was the only thing that would help us survive the day. It helped a lot to spend time talking to friends, and Kevin calmed down a lot.

That evening I got to work making a morning routine chart. I had been planning this for a long time but wasn't sure what format I wanted to use. I think the chart has helped a lot. Kevin's behavior has improved a lot over the last couple of weeks, and he actually spends a lot of time playing and pretending independently most days, so I think he just needed some time to get used to having a different schedule and different sensory input.

Our chart has five responsibilities: Get dressed, brush teeth, fix hair, do chore, and pick up toys. Picking up toys is the hardest one. For some reason Kevin and Heidi are really, really resistant to picking up toys. We've tried all sorts of things and they just refuse, so it's a battle every time. I seriously can't figure out what their problem is. It seems like they're just lazy, but I don't know if it's normal for kids to turn into goo or completely lose their sanity when somebody tells them to do something as simple as put books in a pile. I am trying to view this as investment, because hopefully if we establish the expectation now it won't be so bad when they're older. Chores are working pretty well. I put an extra magnet under the flap for chores on their chart and made several pictures of chores with magnets, so each day they can choose one of the chores and put it on their routine chart. The main battle is that when they want to do the same chore they fight over it, which really messes things up. I tell the kids that they have to have all their flaps closed before they can have any screen time, although we do usually save picking up toys for when Ryan gets home because I need serious reinforcements for that one. Generally the chart seems to be working fine.

Kevin has swimming lessons twice a week. I talked to his teacher and he said that Kevin could easily be in the next level up, so for the next session he will be moving up a level. The level he's in right now is more for helping kids get comfortable in the water, and since Kevin's already putting his face in the class is too easy for him. In the next level he should be learning more about floating independently and swimming.

Our ward has a park day every week, which is great because both the kids and I can spend time with friends. It's pretty hot outside, but if we stay in the shade and try to get there early it's tolerable.

I have a goal to take the kids on a hike every week. When Ryan and I got married one of the things we decided we wanted was for our family to go hiking and camping, and we haven't been doing it as much lately. There are several trails that I've been wanting to explore and since this is probably our last year here there's not a lot of time left. I am looking for trails with quite a bit of shade so it's not as hot.

As I've gotten older I've found that I really don't like being hot, although I think I hate being cold more. I don't like feeling sticky and sweaty. I really resent that Kevin had to be cooped up inside during the spring and fall when the weather was gorgeous, but he missed all that school in the winter from Christmas break and snow days and now that it's in the 90s or higher school is out.

About a week ago or so I decided to stop nursing Ann Marie. I was kind of planning to nurse her before bed for a couple more months, but she's so hyper these days that it was really unpleasant for me, so I decided I was done. It's kind of sad because it feels like the end of an important chapter. I'm really blessed to have very little trouble with nursing my babies. She's finally starting to show more interest in walking with help. It's only started in the last few days. She will even walk while holding just one of my hands. I'm looking forward to her learning to walk because crawling around at the playground she gets so dirty.