some pictures and a video

Kevin's pea and cheese sandwich. (Ryan and I had meat on our sandwiches, like normal people.)

I feel like I should put some clever quote from Star Wars here, with some kind of pun involving BYU, but it's been so long since I've seen them all the way through that I can't think of one. Two points if you can think of one that makes Heidi laugh so hard that milk comes out of her nose. (not that hard since that happens all the time--poor thing)

Heidi had only worn this onesie once, so I thought I'd better put it on her one more time before it got too small. Too late, as you can see.

Aw, how sweet . . .

Oh dear, she's crying . . .

Here, wanna suck on my pinky?!!
(Well, that's what Mom does!)

Beach Trip

Last Tuesday we took a trip to the beach. We had a nice time. It was quite a drive, made longer by stops to feed the baby, but it was worth it. Next time I think we'll go in September, though, when it's not so hot.

We put Heidi's feet in the ocean. She was less than enthused.

It only took a few minutes for Kevin to warm up to the ocean. Soon he loved the waves. We had to  hold his hand so the waves wouldn't knock him off his feet. We weren't able to get a video of it, but Kevin loved the little birds that were running around on the beach. He kept chasing them with his arms stretched out, as if to say, "Come here! I want to give you a hug!"

Ryan dug a hole big enough to catch a Kevin. It's not like a sandbox where you dig a  foot or two deep and reach plastic--in case there was any question of that.

Kevin also liked using large shells as a shovel and throwing handfuls of wet sand into the ocean.

Ryan and Kevin playing in the waves.

Ryan saw these cactus at a place where we stopped so Heidi could eat. Always watch where you step.

The Cape Hatteras lighthouse

It's a pretty cool feeling to have the waves wash over your feet. When you see a wave coming it's hard to tell how big it will be and how far it will go. It starts to break a little ways off shore, and then the water washes up  like foam onto the beach, and you can stand in the same place and have the water go up to your knees or not even reach your toes. Then as the water recedes it washes away some of the sand under your feet so that you sink a little bit. The Atlantic Ocean is nice because the water is warm--and by warm I mean slightly cool, as opposed to like a bucket of ice water, but it's a nice temperature. It was nice to stand and feel the cool ocean breeze and the water flowing over your feet. It was cool to watch the sand as the waves receded because if you watch carefully you can see the tip of a baby clam shell as the clam digs back down into the sand.

The first smile is a baby milestone that is kind of indefinite. I mean, do you count the drunken grin after she's just finished eating and is half asleep? Probably not, but I've been seeing those since Heidi was a couple of days old. At any rate, I think Heidi is smiling at us now. She seems to enjoy looking at us with a slight smile and saying "Oh," over and over again, which is awfully sweet. She also likes to wave and kick and make noises.

I think she's also started sleeping through the night sometimes. At least, Friday night she went to bed at about 10:30 and didn't wake up until six. I can't remember if she'd been doing that for a while or if that was the first time. She's been sleeping so well all along that it didn't really register. Usually she wakes about once during the night to eat, which is not bad at all. And if you want to know what my trick is for getting her to do that, I'll tell you: I have no idea. She just did it. I'd love it if she'd sleep as well during the afternoon, but I'm not complaining, because I am one lucky, (relatively) well-rested mom.

On Friday evening we bought a double stroller. I've been researching this for several months, and once I'd decided what I wanted, I watched Craigslist like a hawk. It is an InStep double jogging stroller. If I could have chosen any double stroller, I would have chosen the Bob Duallie Revolution. But I didn't want to spend that much money, and this one is good enough for what I need. I'm excited to have it so that I can take the kids for walks in our neighborhood and get some exercise. Yesterday I took the kids out for a short walk to the dumpster, and unfortunately Kevin refused to ride once we were outside, which surprised me since he was so excited to ride in it when we bought it.. He ended up throwing a tantrum and I had to carry him in one arm while pushing the stroller with my free hand, so that was frustrating, but I think he will still ride in it for long walks.  It's a pretty nice stroller and rolls and maneuvers smoothly. I can even push it easily with one hand.

To Kevin's credit, he wanted to get out of the stroller partly so he could help me by carrying a cardboard box for me. Once we got to the dumpster he wanted to put everything into the dumpsters and recycling bins himself, so I had to lift him up so he could do it.

Kevin has had a rough week. There has been a lot more hitting and head-shoving and eye-poking and scratching this week, which has been really frustrating for me. And the more impatient I got with him, the worse it got. I don't know if it started with me being impatient or him being jealous of Heidi, but it kind of became a vicious cycle. I've been putting a lot of prayer into it the last couple of days and trying to make a more conscious effort to give him positive attention and not yell at him, and I think things are getting better again. He really is a cute kid and fun to play with, so I'm trying to remember that. I try to have at least two times a day when my focus is on spending time with specifically him. Sometimes Heidi is playing on the floor next to me, but I'm playing with him.

I think one of my biggest challenges is being consistent. It's hard sometimes to see things clearly enough to know what I should let go and what I need to enforce. Obviously there are some things that I never let him do, but there are other things that sometimes I wish he wouldn't do and other times don't seem like a big deal. And because sometimes I say no and sometimes I just let it go, it comes off as inconsistent and he likes to see if he can get away with it or not.

Which reminds me . . . yesterday Kevin was sitting with Ryan and pointing at and naming different things (like Mama, Dad, couch, glasses, stroller, etc.) Then he pointed at our small chest freezer and said, "Shut it." (Kevin really likes to open it and pull out the things inside, so we often have to tell him to shut the freezer, but I didn't realize he thought that's what it's called.)

One of the games Kevin likes to play with me is making faces. On our way to get the double stroller on Friday, Kevin was getting bored and started kicking Heidi's car seat (they are right next to each other because that's the only way they can fit in the car). I wasn't really sure if he was just resting his foot on her car seat or if he was kicking her face, because Heidi was screaming anyway, but if he was trying to kick her face that wasn't acceptable, so I realized I needed to turn around and play with him because he was kicking the car seat to get our attention. So I turned and started making silly faces and silly noises, and we had a good time and filled the car with laughter.

Kevin has started asking to call Grandma and Grandpa, and when we are talking to our parents he likes to talk to them. We have no idea what he's telling them (except for Hi and Bye), but he sure has a lot to say sometimes.

Kevin has also started to be interested in counting. I often hear him saying, "Two . . . five . . . six!" So I'm trying to remember to take opportunities to help him count things.

I've made a great discovery, and it's called Birdseye Steamfresh vegetables. I think other brands make something similar, but Birdseye is the brand that goes on sale most often, so that's what I usually use. I just have to put the bag in the microwave for five minutes (they're designed to go in the microwave), dump the vegetables in a bowl, and add some butter and salt and pepper, and I have an easy and yummy vegetable side dish for any dinner. Sometimes I just make a bag for myself to eat with my lunch because I like the frozen corn so much. For some reason it took me a while to overcome this notion that you're not a real cook unless you cook your vegetables in a pot of boiling water on the stove. My vegetables taste just fine coming from the microwave, and I don't have to wash an extra pot.

Today Ryan and I both bore our testimonies in Sacrament Meeting. Ryan talked about how God always answers our prayers, even if it takes a while before we get the answer. After he sat down, I had this feeling that I needed to bear my testimony, and I knew that I needed to talk about the principle of "deep beauty," which Elaine S. Dalton spoke about in her talk, "Remember Who You Are!" It was something I've been thinking about this week. It seems like every time I bear my testimony I talk about how blessed we are to have bodies and how we are children of our Heavenly Father. As soon as I realized that I needed to talk about that, I knew that I was going to blubber through my whole testimony, and I did. So embarrassing, even if it is because it's a topic that is really important to me (and that I keep needing to relearn). But it was really good for me to share that testimony because it was a reminder of how blessed I am to have the opportunity to take care of two of God's children, and also that I am His daughter and that he wants to help me succeed in being a mother.

We also finally made it to the beach this week. Hopefully I'll get a chance to write about that soon, but I'm going to visit my family this week (just Heidi and me), so it might be a while before I get to it.

This is a post that I wrote before Heidi was born and never published (because it was over a week after my due date and I was trying to be a hermit). I came back to it today and it was a helpful reminder for me.

Kevin and I have been having a lot of fun together the last couple of weeks. I can't really move fast enough to play rough like he wants to, but I think he's starting to figure out that Mama is tired but there are other ways to have fun with me. He has been asking to read books all the time lately. Usually as soon as I finish a book he wants the same book again . . . and again . . . and again . . . He's been learning a lot of animal sounds from books lately. The latest sound he has learned is how to roar when we see pictures of bears. I just have to be a little careful or he starts to actually act like a bear, which can get a little scary.

A couple of days ago Kevin helped me clean the bathroom. Most of the time I had him wiping the mirrors with a cloth, and I also let him help me by holding the toilet brush, which always makes him happy. It's hard sometimes because he loves squirting the bottles of cleaner, and I'm not terribly comfortable with letting him do that, but he did okay if I let him spray the window cleaner a few times and then took it away and had him spend plenty of time wiping the mirrors . . . which reminds me that I still need to go back and redo the mirrors sometime.

Yesterday was sort of a late day for him because I took him grocery shopping. I watch the sales and match the coupons for two grocery stores, Kroger and Harris Teeter. We started off at Kroger, where he got a sticker that said, "I've been Krogering." He put it on his forehead and left it there until we got home. I thought it was really funny to be pushing my child around in Harris Teeter advertising for another grocery store. I'm not too worried about converting Harris Teeter shoppers to Kroger, though. Kevin was really, really good throughout the shopping trip and enjoyed trying the samples and riding in the carts disguised as race cars.

After we got home I gave him some dinner, and when he was getting close to finishing I started making funny faces at him. He thought it was so funny and laughed hysterically. It's one of our favorite games. He even started copying me and making smacking sounds when I made a kissy face.

Oh, and I found a spill-proof bubble tumbler, and I love it! You really can turn it sideways and upside down and the bubbles don't spill, so I don't have to freak out about Kevin running around with the bubbles and spilling them. The only thing is that the bubbles seem to always be in a state of foaminess because he runs around with them. It's so fun to blow some bubbles and then hear Kevin say, "Bubbah!" with a look of joy on his face.

I think one of the things that has made a big difference is that I've been purposefully praying for help to be patient with Kevin. I was really struggling with Kevin for a while, and one day while I was feeling upset about that I had a strong impression that I needed to turn to God for help to be patient with him and give him the attention that he needs from me. When I make sure to say my prayers morning and night and sincerely ask for help to be patient, things always seem to go better and I feel like I enjoy motherhood much more. I feel that it was important for me to learn this lesson now because I will really need God's help after Baby Girl comes to have the energy and patience to do it all. One of the lessons that I have been learning over and over again over the past few years is that one of the blessings of the atonement is that if we come to Christ, He not only gives us forgiveness for our sins, but he can also change our hearts so that we no longer want to sin, and instead desire to be like He is. In the past couple of weeks I have been reminded of that principle again, and I am very grateful for it. It's still hard and I do still lose my temper, but I feel that I've made a lot of improvements lately, and that feels really good.

One of Kevin's new favorite things is collecting sticks. Whenever we go on a walk he ends up collecting about five by the end, although I make sure that he leaves them on the ground before we go inside.

Kevin has picked up the word "Help," which has been quite nice because it reduces the whining a little bit. Sometimes he even offers to "ope" me.

Another word Kevin has picked up is "Okay." It's sort of funny because he uses it to give himself permission to do things. He will come and say something to me as if he's asking if it's okay to do something, and then he'll finish with, "Okay," and go do whatever he wanted to do.

Kevin is starting to realize that his books have names, like Cacake (If you Give a Pig a Pancake) and Fooh Fooh (The Foot Book). It's cute when he picks up The Foot Book and starts reading it: "FOOH fooh, FOOH fooh, FOOH fooh . . ." Some of his favorite books are the ones that he's done damage to, because when we get to that page he can say, "NO!!" and point to the rip or the pen or crayon mark. Hmmm . . . maybe that's why library books aren't as interesting.

Speaking of ripped books, last Sunday we were in the nursery for a while, and I was reading a book to Belen, one of the girls in Kevin's class. When we got to a page that was ripped, she pointed at it and said quite clearly, "Kevin ripped it." Ryan smiled and said, "I'm sure he did."

Lately Kevin has started trying all sorts of different tactics to stall going to bed. The most predictable ones are asking for a drink and asking to look at the pictures of Jesus in the Gospel Art Book. It's sort of funny when he gets so desperate that he just starts using every sign and word he knows as fast as he can.

Oh, and a few days ago Kevin started asking to sit on the toilet. That was sort of exciting since he was showing interest, except now he mostly sits on the toilet for a couple of seconds and then starts playing with everything else in the bathroom. It's become a great excuse for playing in the sink. Until now we've been keeping the bathroom locked all the time because it was just too stressful to keep him from trashing it all the time, but it's made me realize that when he's potty trained that isn't going to be an option anymore. I'm not sure I'm ready for that. Right now we're just going to let him sit on the toilet if he wants to, and we're telling him the "bathroom words" he will need to learn.

It seems like toilet training methods fall on a sort of spectrum. On one end is Toilet Training in Less Than a Day, in which a child is toilet trained all at once and you go straight out of diapers, and on the other end is Brazelton, who has no problem with children not being potty-trained until they are four and encourages going back to diapers at the slightest set-back. I'm also realizing that there are a lot of different definitions of "potty-trained." Some people say their child was potty-trained at X months, and what they mean is they watch the child like a hawk and race them to the bathroom if they show any signs of needing to go. To me that sounds like the parents are trained, not the child. Other people don't consider children potty trained until they can recognize the need to go by themselves and will go through the entire process of using the toilet without help, which is more like what I thought it meant. At any rate, I've decided that it isn't a race, and it doesn't matter if a child is 1 or 3 when they're potty trained, and it doesn't matter if it takes one day or two years. It's funny how there's so much pressure on the mother when it comes to potty training. Most of us feel incompetent if toilet training happens later or is difficult, when in reality it's up to the child, not the mother.

I've been reading a couple more toilet training books to get some ideas. I read one by Vicky Lansky that was kind of an overview. I really liked it because it addressed some of the logistical concerns I had, like whether to use a separate potty chair or the regular toilet, and how to deal with leaving the house, which Toilet Training in Less Than a Day didn't really address, and it also went over many different methods and ideas rather than assuming that one method is the best one for all cases. The other one I read was Toilet Training: The Brazelton Way, and I do not recommend it. I'm pretty sure Brazelton has not changed too many diapers and did not toilet train his own children. Most of the book was absurd.

This afternoon there was a lightning storm, and Kevin thought the thunder was great. Now he keeps running to the window and signing more because he wants us to make more thunder.

As for Heidi, she's still a sweet baby. For the most part she is becoming easier to soothe. I realized one day that sometimes she cries in her sleep. I started watching her face for a little bit instead of just blindly rushing to pick her up when she cried, and I realized that even though she was crying, she was still asleep. So if she's asleep but whimpering I will gently put a pacifier in her mouth, and that helps her sleep better until she's really ready to wake up. And now when she wakes up she's happy and bright-eyed and wiggling her arms and legs.

We also gave Heidi her first bottle, and she objected very strongly, so I guess we'll have to keep working on that so that she will take one before my classes start.

She is getting closer to finding her thumb. I see her timidly licking her fist fairly often, and sometimes she even manages to get her thumb in.

I also took out a few of the baby toys to hang above her head so she can look at them and practice reaching for them. I've been noticing that Kevin is sometimes jealous of the baby toys and other baby things, and he tries to act like a baby again by sitting in the baby swing (it's pretty sturdy, so I don't fight it), "crying" when the baby cries, or asking to be picked up and carried.

Wild Swans

Here is my review from GoodReads:

Wild Swans: Three Daughters of China by Jung Chang

My rating: 5 of 5 stars


I think the saddest part of this book was to see all the talent that was wasted. Mao built up this culture that made it possible for people who wanted revenge or just felt envious to cause all sorts of problems for those who they resented. Both Jung and her father were very talented and hard-working, but every time they were rewarded for that, other people who were jealous would call them capitalist-roaders or class enemies or bourgeois, and use that as an excuse to criticize them and even torture them. I guess that's one of the biggest problems with Communism, because in that kind of society it's not advantageous to be talented or to work hard, since people aren't rewarded based on merit, and are often punished and tormented for being good at something.



The other thing that was really frustrating to read about was the way the "Cultural Revolution" destroyed their culture and society. The people were told to destroy all the old statues and paintings and books, as well as any beautiful plants. The youth stopped respecting their elders and even derided and beat them. True learning was discouraged. Time and again Jung would get excited about an opportunity to learn or to use her skills for something worthwhile, only to find that it was all a pretense. Mao made it an uncultured, ugly, uneducated country, all so that he could keep himself in power.



And then there are all the other random things that were complete insanity. Kill the sparrows. Drop everything and just focus on making steel--not that you'll ever use anything made from the steel you've been melting. And the famine has nothing to do with the fact that you've all had to abandon your crops to make steel. Find and ruin all the class enemies--never mind what the definition of a class enemy is, just find and expose them. You may only spend one day a week with your husband or wife. Pull out all the grass and flowers because they're too decadent. Do not read anything except the words and works (read: drivel) of Chairman Mao. Jung's mother even had a miscarriage as a result of overworking herself to the extreme in order to show her loyalty to the party--and despite this she was still denounced and tormented and beaten later for being a "class enemy."



View all my reviews

Before I had Kevin I had many ideas about what good moms are like. I'll spare you the full list. One of the things that good moms do, I was certain, was take their children to the library once a week. The image I had in my head was of sitting in the children's section, with my child snuggling blissfully in my lap, reading a book together. We would likely spend half an hour on the same six-page board book, because there would be frequent pauses to answer all of my brilliant little one's questions and adorable comments, and I would also ask many questions that would help his brain develop so he would be incredibly intelligent. You know, things like, "Kevin, this is an alligator. What letter does alligator start with? What color is the alligator? Look at the alligator's sharp teeth . . . What do you think alligators like to eat?" Blah blah blah.

So when I recently decided to start taking Kevin to the library because I was getting tired of reading the same old books over and over again, I knew perfectly well what to expect, but subconsciously I guess I was still envisioning the scene I just described. I should have known better. Maybe he's just not old enough, or maybe it's just his personality, but every trip to the library ends up involving me chasing him up and down the aisles trying to prevent him from throwing the contents of all the shelves in the adult section on the floor. And if he does calm down, it's because he's climbed up onto a stool and is playing with one of the computers, which drives me crazy because we didn't come to play with computers, we came to check out some books. And he has absolutely no interest in sitting and reading books, or even choosing books for that matter. If I choose some books for him he always seems to hate them at home, which is odd since he loves reading his own books. And then when I decide it's time to check out and go home, there's inevitably a tantrum, which is incredibly embarrassing in a library.

So I've decided that library trips are going to just be for me for a while. I'll go and check out the books that I want, and for Kevin we'll stick with the books he already has, since those are the only ones he wants to read anyway. And guess what? It doesn't mean I have failed.