Keep Thou My Feet

A few years ago I was visiting another ward. In Relief Society the lesson was about chastity, and most of it was honestly not very uplifting. The majority of the lesson had turned into a gossip fest with smug stories about teenage girls who had become pregnant and how horrible it was that they had given in to temptation and ruined their lives. There was a very judgmental and prideful tone and I kept trying to think of some kind of comment I could make that could help bring the spirit back. The ward was mostly older people who had already raised their children, so I felt a little intimidated by that and I wasn't sure how to say what I wanted to in a way that would be relevant to them.

Eventually the topic turned to how we can help our children understand the importance of virtue, and a woman made a comment that I have never forgotten. She had recently remarried. Her previous husband had been addicted to pornography and eventually they were divorced because of his addiction. Then she said that because of her experience she had begun teaching her children about the dangers of pornography when they were very young (like four years old or even younger). Now her kids turn around the magazines at the stores and they are very aware of how damaging pornography can be to our spirits and our families. I saw pornography for the first time when I was ten years old, and I didn't know what to do, so as she made this comment I made a commitment that I would talk to my children about this from a very young age and help them understand what it is and what to do if they see it somewhere.

I had my own thoughts I wanted to share about helping children have a healthy attitude about sex, and the teacher called on me next. It was going to be a really profound and inspiring comment. Unfortunately, instead of making a profound comment I started blubbering like an idiot and the words that came out (i.e. exploded out between sobs) were not what I was planning. It was completely ridiculous and it wasn't really something I would normally have cried about. I really have no idea why I started crying. So anyway, it was awkward and I was really embarrassed. But the point I was going to make was that it's really important to teach our children that sex isn't yucky or bad, and unfortunately I think Christian churches in general, including the LDS church, often accidentally give kids the message that it is yucky or bad. Elder Holland gave a really great talk once where he talked about sex between a husband and wife as a sacrament.

In my defense, Heidi had just been born about six weeks before and my hormones and emotions were really off. Also the previous woman's comment had really touched me. So perhaps that's why I cried at such an odd time.

Anyway, ever since then I have regretted that I didn't have it together enough to make a comment earlier in the lesson. I don't know how it would have been received, but it needed to be said, and nobody said it. This is what I wanted to say: Yes, it is a tragedy that so many people today do not believe that intimacy should be saved for marriage. It's causing so much damage to our society. But I did not sense much charity in the comments that were being made that day. If I had a pregnant teenage daughter I wouldn't want to be in that ward. The truth is that we all make mistakes. Some are more serious than others. But Christ atoned for all of those mistakes, and people who have broken the law of chastity need a lot of support and love from the rest of us as they strive to repent of what they've done. It could have been so different if instead of being judgmental these sisters had tried to share Christ's message of mercy and love with these girls who they were gossiping about. Our wards need to be a place where the people who need it most can get help accessing the cleansing power of the atonement. And we need to teach (and show!) our youth that we will always love them and welcome them back when they need to repent.