Fairness

State Fairness, to be precise.

Fairs are near and dear to my heart. Starting at age 7, and up till I finished high school, I entered 4-H projects into the Twin Falls County Fair every year. I always entered a sewing project and a cooking project, and I also dabbled in some other projects, like ceramics, babysitting, quilting, and consumer skills (which, at the time, I thought was about how to be trendy, or at least how to be humble about not being very trendy--hence, not my favorite project). My 4-H projects took a lot of effort and preparation, and it was fun to have something to exhibit at the fair (I also got some pretty cool awards over the years). There was an entire 4-H building.

The Twin Falls County Fair was largely about animals. There was a building for cows, a building or two or three for horses, a building or two for sheep and goats and pigs, a building for poultry, and then there were other miscellaneous animals.

We had things we always did at the fair. We always rode rides. We always looked at the animals and our 4-H projects, and the other buildings if my parents could convince us to be interested. We always ate dinner at Papa Kelsey's--individual pizzas or pizza subs and a drink. This was one of the one times we went out to dinner each year, so it was big. And the pizza was really good. The missionaries were generally there helping to serve the pizza, which we thought was pretty cool. We always got balloons. And we always went to see the trains (a pretty neat model train setup which we loved). When I was older we also helped at the 4-H food booth on a different day of the fair.

Our state fair is a great state fair. It's not the Twin Falls County Fair. But we had a good time. We saw a lot of interesting things.

Most people say you go to the fair for the food. They basically sell deep-fried anything you can imagine. I think that's what most people go for--that and the rides. We didn't feel especially interested in eating deep-fried stuff or riding rides, so we mainly went to look around at the exhibits. (This is when I realized that the fair exists so people can advertise their stuff--the steer they raised to be slaughtered, their landscaping business, the handwoven basket business that they run in the middle of nowhere, and so on.)

Near the gate, Ocean Spray was handing out free samples of their new line of juice which has a blueberry base instead of a cranberry base. They were begging people to try all four samples. They were all good.

The first place we went to see was the Village of Yesteryear. It was probably my favorite exhibit at the fair. Basically the building was full of booths where people were selling their crafts, and generally also making the crafts in traditional old-fashioned costumes. Some of the things we saw were people making soap, weaving baskets, polishing rocks, tatting, making chairs, carving wood, and making beautiful things with glass. They were very eager to show people how they did their work. One woman even gave a lady her phone number so that the lady could try a new technique with the craft and call if she had any questions. When I paused to watch a woman doing some tatting, she showed me the basic knot and how to leave loops so that you can make a little flower. She made a flower using larger thread than she normally uses, and once she had finished the flower, she snipped the threads and said, "Here, have a flower." It was very nice. I had to wonder if a lot of these people are the ones that live out in the middle of nowhere and have a shop on the side of their house where they sell all this stuff the rest of the year. Driving in the country, we often see signs advertising different crafts for sale.

We looked around at the landscaping setups that various businsesses had arranged. There were a lot of interesting things to see.

There was a bluegrass group playing on the back porch of an old building. We stopped and listened and enjoyed for a while. I think there are a lot more good bluegrass groups out here in the East. It's a music style that has grown a lot on me since we moved here. One thing that Ryan and I have talked about a few times lately is the way people sometimes say that America has no culture. We do. We have blugrass and country music. We have rodeos and square dances. We have our heritage of pioneers and exploring new territory. We have our deep belief in liberty.

Here's a video of the group:

We looked at the animals. I was underwhelmed. There were tons more animals at the Twin Falls County Fair. Kevin wasn't really interested in the animals.

We looked at a lot of produce. There was more produce than animals. I think this is more of a grow things type state than a raise livestock type state. But I come from more of a grow things type farming family than a raise livestock type farming family, so I can appreciate produce.

To give you an idea of scale, the cucumbers are normal sized. The watermelon is enormous.

An 800 pound pumpkin. I thought it look like a very old, very obese old man. It was so big that it wasn't even nice to look at anymore. But I was still impressed.

Lots of apples.

There was a very interesting exhibit about bees to the side of all the produce. They had a hive and there was a man in a cage surrounded by bees who was talking about beekeeping. They were also selling their honey.

They had some 4-H projects. It was mostly clover buds (the little pre-4-H kids). Like I said at the beginning, the Twin Falls County Fair had an entire 4-H building, so I'm probably hard to impress. But there were also several sewing projects submitted by non-4-H-ers, and those were fun to see. The dresses below were all made by adults, but still, they are very impressive and well-done. I thought my grandma would enjoy seeing them.

The pattern for this red dress was designed by the same person who sewed it. Very neat dress.

Some cakes:

I'm afraid we didn't eat anything deep-fried. Everyone seems to think it's a necessary experience, but it didn't interest us much. There was a lot more food at the state fair than there was at the Twin Falls county fair, and it was spread throughout the entire fair.

A bunch of people were eating these turkey drumsticks. When I was pregnant with Kevin, I tried making a turkey in the crockpot, seasoned with onion soup mix. I had to cut it up and cook it in stages, and it took a couple of days to get it all cooked. By the time the turkey was cooked, I loathed the smell of it, and I couldn't stand turkey until after Kevin was born. The smell of these turkey drumsticks brought it all back, and I did not enjoy it.

Just to give you an idea of the massive amount of people there and all the food they had, here's a couple of photos:

The entire time we were at the fair, Kevin was sitting quietly in his stroller sucking his thumb. Maybe there was so much to see that he didn't have much to say. But once we were in the car, away from the lights and the people, he couldn't stop laughing. It was so hilarious!

I rather enjoyed it when he ripped the window shade. It was a very cheap Babies R Us advertising thing that came with a bunch of samples and a diaper bag a few weeks before Kevin was born, and it ripped before I had even successfully put it on the window for the first time (only about a week before the state fair). The frustration of mounting it on the window was all compensated by being able to see its demise.

So we had a really good time at the state fair. There were new and different things to enjoy that weren't at the Twin Falls County Fair, but it was similar enough to bring back good memories. Next time I think we'll try harder to arrive in the morning, though. The crowds were crazy.

notes from parenting class

On Thursday we had a Relief Society "Parenting Class." The teacher had some really interesting ideas that I thought I would share (and record for future reference).

The first thing she talked about was increasing your ratio of positive things said to negative things said. She said a good goal is 4 positive: 1 negative. The main thing is to try to pay a little more attention to the things you say to your children (and this also works for husbands). You also get positive points for things like making eye contact, spending quality time with the child, and sincerely listening. (And things like continuing to check your email and occasionally grunting to show the child you are "listening" count as negative points.) She said that once they start paying more attention to it, many people start to realize what a big difference negative words and actions can have on a child's behavior and on the parent's relationship with the child.

Another thing she discussed is preventive parenting. This means discussing with the family beforehand what the rules are and how certain behaviors will be handled, and often the children can do a roleplay. One example she gave was for a child who hits his sister and refuses to apologize after doing so. If this is a situation that happens more than once, you talk to the child about it at a time when he is not angry at his sister. You explain to him that it's not nice to hit, and tell him that if he hits again, then he needs to apologize to his sister and tell her he loves her. And then he can practice. "Pretend you just got mad at your sister and hit her, and now she's sad. What do you need to do?" And then he practices apologizing and telling her he loves her. This is helpful because he can practice apologizing when he's not actually angry, so he can think more clearly about it and understand better why it's important to apologize. If there has been some kind of ongoing problem, it's okay to sit down with the family or with the child who needs corrected, and explain that the family is going to change the rules and do things a little differently from now on when that situation comes up. And the roleplaying can also be used for situations that aren't necessarily bad behaviors. An example might be discussing with a child what he would do if he was at a friend's house and they started watching a bad movie, or if there was a new kid in his class who seems very shy.

She also talked about time out. She said that it's important to not make it something shameful by, for example, facing the child towards the wall and scolding in a negative way. You want to choose a place in the house that's very boring and not social. When the child has to be put in time out, you take the child there and nobody talks to the child for however long the time out lasts. If the child runs away, you pick him up and put him back, but don't say a word or even make eye contact. This way, time out doesn't become another way to get attention, because nobody pays any attention to the child and it's very boring. Many children would rather get negative attention than no attention. She said that time out works for children ages 2-12, and after age 12 privileges are a more effective motivation for good behavior. Also, one way to determine how long time out will be is to make it as many minutes as the child's age. When time out seems appropriate, one thing that is helpful is to present a choice. "Remember how we talked about apologizing? Well, you just hit your sister again, so you can either choose to tell her you're sorry, or you can go in time out." Sometimes it's disappointing if they choose time out rather than doing the right thing, but it's also important to let children use their agency to choose. It's important to be consistent with time out, so that they will know to expect it if they do something wrong.

I realize that not all children are the same, and maybe these things won't work for everyone, but I thought she made some really good points. I especially liked the idea of the children practicing what to do before they are tempted, so that when the situation actually comes up, they have made a decision about what they will do, and they are a little more comfortable with doing what's right. It's very good for their brains for them to think about what choice they will make in a certain situation, and it's also a good way for them to develop a clear idea of what the family rules are. I'm also trying to notice whether I am being positive or negative.

On Tuesday night we found out that our niece, Allison, passed away after being hit by a car while she was riding her bike. It came as quite a shock, and all of us are feeling very sad about it. It's hard to believe it. You never expect that kind of thing to happen. Even though our families are spread throughout the country, I think we all still feel each other's love and support for each other, and especially for Allison's family. I've been doing a lot of pondering about the Atonement of Jesus Christ since we heard the news. I thought about what Elder Oaks said in his talk in General Conference in May. When we heard that she had been in the accident, I know all of us had enough faith that God could heal her. But for some reason that wasn't what was supposed to happen. Sometimes we have to suffer in this life, because if it was all happy and easy we wouldn't be able to learn and grow from our trials and sorrows. I thought about Alma 40:11: "the spirits of all men, as soon as they are departed from this mortal body . . . are taken home to that God who gave them life." Allison's parents were married in the temple and their family is sealed together, and I know that one day they will be reunited with her, never more to part. And I know that Christ has the power to raise Allison from the dead through resurrection, and that one day he will do it. I know that Christ loves Allison, and all of us. That is why he suffered in Gethsemane, and that is why he died and was resurrected--because he loved us so much that he was willing to make that sacrifice so that we would have repentance and forgiveness available to us and so that we could all be resurrected. I have no doubt that these things are true. It makes a lot of things seem much less important when you remember what this life is really about, and what we have the potential to become.

another haircut

No, sadly, I still haven't gotten a haircut.

Saturday I cut Ryan's hair for the first time. Following the instructions that came with the clippers, I began with a 6 on the bottom near his neck, then tried the 7 a little higher up. All I could think was that it looked really strange and I had no idea what I was doing. Then we realized how long Ryan's hair was on top and decided to do an 8 there. I ended up doing an 8 all over his head, and then redoing the 6 and 7 and doing things around the ears and taking off the neck hair. Next time I'm going to ignore the instructions and just start with the 8 in the first place. Once it was all a manageable length, it was much easier. Considering that it was my first time giving a haircut, I think it turned out pretty nicely. And, best of all, he didn't go to the barbershop and get his hair cut 1/8 of an inch long like he normally does (which is why we bought the clippers).

Ryan is great. There was no worrying about me messing up his hair or not doing a good job. I guess we figured that the worst thing that could happen would be that we would have to just cut it all 1/8 of an inch long, which is what he would have asked the barber to do anyway. I'm grateful that he's so supportive. Honestly, it wasn't me saying I wanted to try cutting his hair and Ryan being reluctant. It was Ryan saying it was time for a haircut and me being scared to death that I'd ruin it and he'd hate it.

Tiny hairs all over the bathroom counter provided a good excuse to clean the counter. I'm always amazed at how little time it takes if I just make myself do it.

Ryan refuses to cut my hair. If people are impressed by my long hair, maybe they don't realize that I haven't had it cut at all since a month before Kevin was born. Other things just seem more important, and I still need to find somewhere better than Supercuts without spending more than $30.

I also managed to vacuum on Saturday. It would be a much faster process if I didn't have to deal with Kevin throwing toys all over the floor as fast as I try to pick them up, because then I could clear the floor and vacuum it and be done.

In a Don Aslett book I read a long time ago, he talked about how you should clean your bathroom and vacuum the floor every day. In some ways it makes sense because if you do it every day it would be a quick process. I learned pretty quickly when I worked as a custodian at BYU that you don't have to mow the carpet every time you vacuum--most days you can just get the visible stuff. But I still feel like I would be a slave to the housework if I tried to do it that way.

God sees things differently

During my senior year of high school, I had a lot of great experiences and opportunities. I was very busy. To name a few things, I was preparing for a senior recital, taking oboe lessons (which was made possible by a scholarship that paid for my lessons, books, and reeds), playing in a community symphony, learning an oboe piece for the Idaho state solo event, applying for scholarships, and taking the most difficult classes my high school offered. So I knew it was a little crazy when for some reason I felt like I should also participate in the Miss Kimberly scholarship pageant. I knew it would be a big time commitment. But looking back I think there was some encouragement from the Holy Ghost involved. So I did the Miss Kimberly pageant too. I worked very hard to prepare for it. The night of the pageant came, and all of us girls had a really good time presenting it all.

I didn't get a single award. All of us had become good friends and we had such a good time that I drove home feeling happy because it had been a good experience and a fun evening. But I was trying really hard not to feel disappointed. I had kind of been expecting to get the Talent award, and I was really confused when another girl's performance of the first page of Fur Elise was more impressive to the judges than my piano piece, which was more difficult than Fur Elise. But like I said, we had all become friends, and I wasn't bitter against any of the girls who had won awards. Mostly I was wondering if it had been pointless to even participate. I was wondering why I had bothered to do the pageant, especially when I was working on so many other things that I felt were more valuable experiences to me (largely because I had been given so many amazing opportunities to develop my talents on the oboe and piano that year).

And here is where I am reminded of the men in Zion's camp, who walked miles and miles every day  and got sick and endured hunger and fatigue, expecting to be able to fight to save the people in Missouri, and then when they arrived Joseph Smith received a revelation and learned that they were not to fight. Well, was it worth it to go? Yes. Many of the men that were faithful during Zion's camp became leaders of the church with strong testimonies. They did not take back Zion, but it was a training experience and a test to see who would be faithful despite those hardships. So in the Lord's eyes, yes, Zion's camp was worth it.

I don't want to compare the Miss Kimberly pageant to Zion's camp, because my experience wasn't nearly as difficult as Zion's camp. But what I gradually realized was that even though I didn't get any awards and didn't even feel that I had learned very much from the experience, God saw things differently. Just as for Zion's camp, he had different motives for me than what I had expected.

Soon after the pageant was over, I realized that things had changed between me and one of the other girls who had participated. We had silently been rivals for several years, probably since elementary school. We were both very good students and also talented musically. It didn't make a lot of sense, because she was a singer, and I played the piano and oboe. How can you have a competition to see if one person is better at singing than the other is at playing the piano? It's not that we hated each other. We never fought or gossiped about each other. It was just this silent tension that I often felt. If the choir teacher asked me to sing a part for the alto section, I sensed that this girl was feeling a little resentful towards me over in the soprano section. But somehow, working together and spending time together as we got ready for the Miss Kimberly pageant changed our feelings towards each other. We enjoyed talking to each other, and I didn't feel like I had to write a better essay than she did for AP English.

So the reason it was worthwhile for me to be in the Miss Kimberly pageant was because it helped this girl and me to forgive each other and become friends. All of that effort and memorizing and practicing was not so I could become more confident or be a better public speaker or become passionate about my platform topic. It was so that this girl and I could have an opportunity to change our relationship.

Overcoming this problem also helped prepare me to go to BYU. I remember when I arrived there, it seemed like everyone thought they were talented. They had been in 20 AP classes and had received such and such award for playing the piano and they were in the madrigal choir at their high school and had played the lead in the school play and on and on. And then after a few weeks, a lot of these people were devastated because they realized that everybody else did the same thing and is just as talented. Well, I think that learning to respect my friend from the Miss Kimberly pageant, and being able to wish her well in her musical career without having to compare myself to her, prepared me to go to BYU with a more humble attitude. It didn't matter so much to me if I was better at the piano, or if I was a better singer, or if I got a better grade than someone else. My worth doesn't depend on being better than someone else, and I didn't feel a need to prove to people that I was smart or talented.

So even though at the end of the pageant I was asking myself if it was worth it to participate, God knew how to make it a valuable experience for me. It wasn't awards or admiration or getting skills of some kind that made it valuable to me. God had more eternal lessons in mind for me to learn. "The world" might look at the time I spent on the pageant and say, "Look, you didn't get anything. You didn't get any awards, you didn't learn anything, and in the end it cost you a lot of time that you could have spent applying for scholarships or doing homework." But God looks at all that hard work and says, "Look at the results of your labors. You forgave someone. You learned to want her to succeed. You learned to be humble and recognize that you don't have to compare yourself to other people to feel good about yourself." In God's perspective, those lessons are truly valuable and worth the effort I put into the pageant.

a website I like

Project Vote Smart

I used this website for the last election to help me make educated votes. My favorite tool on the website is the Political Courage Test. Candidates are given questions about their positions on key issues. If they respond with definite answers, they get a good score on the political courage test. I find it very useful because it requires candidates to be straightforward about their positions. Many people who run for political positions are so vague about issues that are really important, so I love that this is a way for me to see if a candidate is willing to give a definite opinion and find out what that opinion is. The candidates will also sometimes have comments to explain why they have a certain opinion or how they would solve a specific problem.

Project Vote Smart also provides other information, such as how a candidate voted on a bill, statements a candidate has made, and which interest groups they support or don't support.

For the last election, once I had a sample ballot from the Daily Tar Heel (with all of the Democrats' bubbles already filled in--thanks, but I'll think for myself on this one), I looked up all of the people on Project Vote Smart. For the people who weren't on Project Vote Smart (or who declined to take the political courage test), I googled their name to find their website and other resources about them. I ended up voting for some Democrats and some Republicans, and for some I didn't vote. It felt good to cast my vote and know that I had put some effort into my choices. The political courage test on Project Vote Smart was helpful in speeding up the process because a lot of the information I wanted about the candidate was right there on one page.

I think it's interesting and really annoying that UNC and NCSU both send me spam. They've passed my email address on to all the apartment complexes and stores around. I can't think of any other way that those people could have gotten my email address.

There's a girl and a guy in my mineralogy class who act like they're dating, or at least working toward that point. I personally wish they would stop sitting by me so that I could actually get a partner to work with on the in class exercises (because they obviously always pick each other).

Sunday we found out that our stake is changing the boundaries for several wards, including ours. I was very sad to find that many wise and kind people who I admire are no longer going to be in our ward. We will be more of a student ward than ever now. One thing that is very positive about this is that it sounds like one of the reasons they felt they needed to change the boundaries was because the church is growing here. That is great news.

I remember when I was at BYU it seemed so weird when people in my classes were married and they would talk about their husbands. Now I'm on the other side and I'm the weird married person talking about my husband and my son. I'm sure it's even less common here for undergraduate students to be married, so it's probably really strange when people in my classes find out that I'm married. The other day I was on the bus with Kevin, and a guy from my mineralogy class got on the bus with a friend. He was really surprised to see Kevin on my lap. He said, "You . . . you have a child! Where did he come from?" (At which point his friend slapped his forehead.) I told him he's mine. I always feel like I need to clarify that I'm married and that we were married before we decided to have kids. I probably don't have to feel obligated to explain anything, but I don't like the idea of people making assumptions about me that are completely untrue.