"How to clean up a mess."

Recently in Sunday School we discussed the story of King Hezekiah, found in 2 Chronicles 29, in which he cleaned up and sanctified the temple and encouraged the Israelites to repent and worship God once again. The teacher renamed the lesson "How to Clean Up a Mess," and we discussed the things that Hezekiah and the priests did to sanctify the temple and bring the Israelite people back to the Lord.

The lesson brought to mind a time in my life when I was a spiritual mess, and the many influences in my life that lifted me out of that spiritual mess.

This was when I was in fourth and fifth grade. A lot of factors combined at that time to make me very depressed. Puberty and the hormonal changes involved in puberty were probably the largest contributor. All of a sudden I was very insecure and very moody. My friends from third grade had moved away, and I felt like I didn't have any friends in my fourth grade class. The one friend I did have that year ended up being a very bad influence on me and I decided to stop playing with her, but I was too shy to try to make new friends, so I didn't have anyone to play with. This continued in fifth grade, although in fifth grade I was a library helper, which meant I could spend most recesses in the library. When I couldn't be in the library I would take a book to recess and hide with it in a corner, secretly wishing someone would invite me to play. At home I was very moody and didn't get along with anyone.

The biggest source of stress was that I couldn't seem to be responsible. My school responsibilities had increased significantly, but I kept forgetting to take my homework home, or if I did remember to bring it home I would forget to do it, or I would forget to bring it back to school. The work was all pretty easy for me, but I couldn't keep track of my assignments. My teachers also expected me to take a planner home every night and have my parents sign it, which I kept forgetting to do. My fifth grade teacher would make us stay in at recess and write the word Responsibility one hundred times every time we forgot to have our parents sign our planners. There were a few times when I realized on the way to school on the bus that I had forgotten to get my planner signed, so I started writing Responsibility right then and had it finished by recess. I felt so embarrassed that I couldn't keep track of my schoolwork, and I had what seemed like a lot of conflicts about it with my teachers. By the end of my fifth grade year my teacher was having me show her the contents of my backpack at the end of the day to make sure I was taking home the homework that wasn't done, which was helpful, but the entire class knew I was doing that and I was really ashamed about it.

I was a spiritual mess. My self-esteem was low and I got angry at a lot of people. I was not very close to my Heavenly Father because I couldn't understand why he wouldn't give me any friends and I didn't understand yet that I could trust in Him to help me through my trials. But I got out of the spiritual mess, and here are some of the things that happened to get me out of it:

First, I recognized that there was a problem. There are two specific events that I remember that helped me recognize that I was struggling and that I could fix it. The first was that my mom heard on the radio that a chemical called seratonin in our brains can make us happy, and that by eating certain foods you can increase the seratonin levels in your brain. She told me about it and encouraged me to change my diet to include those foods. That conversation flipped a switch in my brain. It made me realize that I had some control over my own happiness, and that if I wasn't happy there were things I could do to change that. I decided that I was going to start being happy. The second event happened about three weeks into sixth grade. My history teacher was handing back our first homework assignment and asked where mine was. It had been sitting in my locker ever since she first assigned it. As I left that class, I heard what was almost a voice saying, "You see what's happening, don't you? This is what was happening last year and the year before that. Don't let it keep happening. You have to make a change now." Right then I made a commitment that I would always do my homework and turn it in on time. I realized that my homework was my responsibility and that if I was going to do well in school I would have to be more aware of my assignments so that I could remember to bring them home, complete them, and bring them back. (When I got to college I had to change that commitment a bit because there was no possible way to complete every single reading assignment, but the commitment served me well for many years.)

The second thing that happened was that many people acted as mentors to me and became significant spiritual influences in my life. I had some great achievement day leaders who truly cared about me. One was my grandmother. I specifically remember one activity when I lost my temper and hid in the bathroom, and when my grandma found me I said, "What's the point? I'm going to Hell anyway." She responded, "You are not going to Hell, because I will not let you go to Hell." Things got even better when I turned twelve and moved on to Young Women's. This enabled me to make friends with righteous girls who were older than me and who were positive and spiritual influences in my life. Young Women's also gave me the opportunity to learn from many righteous women who were my leaders but also true friends to me, who had faith in my individual worth and divine potential and told me so. Their efforts to help me build my self-esteem had a huge impact on my life.

The third thing was that when I turned twelve I was able to go to the temple to do baptisms and confirmations for the dead. The temple brought peace and an increase of the Spirit into my life. It was a place where I could get answers to my gospel questions and receive a witness that God loved me and would help me.

Things didn't get instantly better. Honestly, I struggled with friendships the entire time I was in middle school and high school. I didn't understand until college that if I wanted to be friends with someone it was perfectly acceptable to sit by them, talk to them, invite them to things, etc. There was one group of girls who I always wanted to be friends with, but I thought I had to be invited. My spiritual growth has definitely been a process, as it is for everyone. But by the time I finished sixth grade I would say I was at least out of the spiritual mess, through the help of people who loved me, the temple, and my own efforts. Once the mess was sufficiently cleaned up I was much more free to grow and develop spiritually. Now I know that no spiritual mess is so bad that it can't be cleaned up through the Atonement of Jesus Christ. That's why He came.

Tomorrow is Kevin's first day of Kindergarten. We went to orientation today. They took the kids aside for the entire time and had them doing activities in three different classrooms. Kevin was very upset at first and didn't want me to leave (think tears streaming down his cheeks and refusing to let go of me), but an amazing woman came and worked magic. She got him cutting out shapes and telling her all about himself. After just a couple of minutes he was happily talking and was just fine with me leaving. The woman came and found me about a half hour later and said he was doing just fine.

Most of the orientation was talking about all of the logistics of buses, lunch, classtime, etc., and then we had a tour of the school. I have a good feeling about it. I've been really nervous about this, but at Kevin's elementary there is a peaceful feeling. I don't know if that's a guarantee that everything will go well, but right now I have a good feeling about this and I think it will be a good place for Kevin. All of the teachers and staff who I met were so friendly and caring. I think Kevin will have a nice time. When we met back up afterwards he seemed happy and he had drawn a goat and some letters on a piece of paper, which is more than I usually see him do.

on exercise and fitness

Since Ann Marie was born I've really wanted to put some emphasis on my health. I want to be strong again and have more energy. I also want to lose a lot of body fat, but I'm trying to focus on feeling better rather than how I look. It's taken me a while to figure out what I want to do to get more fit. I've been going for walks a few times a week, but I've been wanting to do more.

I decided to start with the Couch to 5K running program. I've been interested in it for a few years, but I never got motivated enough to try it before. Last Tuesday I found Robert Ullrey's podcasts and downloaded the one for the first week. I've finished the first week now and I thought it was great! He tells you when to run and when to walk and has a very friendly and motivating voice. It was a bit of a push on the first day, but I can tell that it's getting easier for me. I think I'm going to repeat week one this week before moving on because I'm still feeling pretty tired at the end. I think this will work for me. I feel like it's okay for me to start slow if it means that I can stay motivated. I was really turned off by running when I was on the track team in middle school because the coach expected too much of me (but didn't give me much advice or support), so I appreciate that with Couch to 5K I get some guidance but don't have anyone pushing me too hard and giving me disapproving glares. Even though I'm sweaty and tired when I get back from my runs, I also have a feeling of exhilaration and pride in what I've done.

I've also been wanting to strengthen my core, and a friend suggested that I could try Pilates. I tried it once in high school and I remember liking it, so I thought I'd give it another try. I went to a class at the YMCA yesterday and enjoyed it. It was really difficult for me, but the instructor was really understanding and didn't push me too hard. There was a really friendly and supportive atmosphere, with people of all different ages. I felt like this is a place where they're just happy that I'm trying to get more fit. I don't have to be as strong as everyone else. I'm planning to start going to this class twice a week.

Both the Couch to 5K program and the Pilates classes have a scheduled element to them, which I'm hoping will help me to stay consistent so that I can make progress.



I've been thinking about Victor Frankl's lecture (embedded above) and how it applies to me and exercise. I often give myself a hard time when I get out of the habit of exercise for a while. But it occurred to me this week that it's better for me to aim for consistency and keep making fitness goals, because even though sometimes I fall short, it's better than if I didn't even aim, because if I don't bother then I won't do anything and then my heart and muscles and emotional well-being will suffer the consequences. I want to be healthy so that I can play with my kids, have the energy to fulfill all of my responsibilities, be happier, and live a fuller and longer life.

on "taking names to the temple"

Ryan's dad wrote this post on his blog a few days ago, giving some suggestions for goals stakes and wards can set for doing family history other than taking names to the temple. I wanted to add a few thoughts of my own.

Whenever wards decide to emphasize Family History more, it always seems to be about "taking names to the temple." My ancestors are all Mormon pioneers for several generations back, and there have already been many people who have traced the lines back and done a lot of the proxy temple work for them. (I'm not alone in this--Mormon pioneers tend to have a lot of descendants, especially the ones with multiple wives.) If I were to find an ancestor who needs temple work done, the fastest way would probably be to go all the way back to someone whose parents haven't been found, hurry and find their name in a census somewhere with their parents (or someone who sort of seems to be their parents), and submit that to the temple. There are a few different problems with that. The main one is that it's quite possible that mistakes have been made along the way and those people who lived in the 1600s aren't even actually my ancestors. (As an example, according to my family tree on familysearch.org, I apparently have an ancestor named John Crow who lived in Hartford, Connecticut in 1602 who had 21 brothers who were also named John Crow--all sorts of things don't make sense there.) If you do a hack job at family history it's not going to be meaningful and you're going to waste time doing proxy work for non-existent people or people who have already received their ordinances five times.

For me, the approach that makes the most sense is to start with the people who are closest to me (for example, my grammy and her parents) and work my way backward, verifying that everything on Family Search is accurate and adding sources like census records and life histories typed by my great-grandmother, which I have been transcribing. I expect that it's going to take me years to get oriented in my own family tree and figure out what needs to be done before I'm at the point where I can find people who need temple work done.

Personally, I would like to have help from my ward learning how to do good quality research. I want to learn about all the resources that are out there, beyond the US census, that will help me learn about my ancestors. I want to gain skills in recognizing which information is correct. These are skills that would be valuable to everyone, whether they are descendants of Mormon pioneers or the first person in their family to join the church. The scriptures indicate that someday we will have to present this work to the Savior, and when that time comes I think it's important that what we have done is accurate and well-done. A lot of what I've been doing on Family Search lately is looking at people's pages and cleaning things up--foot-long lists of alternate names, notes and sources that are gibberish, and various mistakes that need correcting. And that's a valid contribution to family history too. Our participation in family history isn't going to be measured exclusively by the size of our briefcase full of temple ordinance cards.

I also want to see them emphasize more that these are people, not names. We go to the temple to do ordinances for real people. We should focus not just on doing the ordinances, but also on getting to know the people. They're our family. Don't you think it will be more meaningful when we meet these people someday to be able to say we know them, instead of just saying we took their name to the temple?

Who is that person?

My friend Jessica Dyer was taking pictures of everyone in Relief Society today and she sent me this one. I like it.

Lately whenever I see pictures of myself I feel shocked. I honestly don't recognize myself. My face looks so different.

about the kids

Ann Marie
It's hard to believe she's already over two months old! Life before she joined our family seems like a different world. She is a wonderful influence on our family. Ann Marie is starting to find her fingers and suck on them to soothe herself. If I told you what a good baby she is you would probably try to kidnap her. I know the older kids were sleeping for longer stretches by this point, but she still sleeps pretty well at night and she makes up for it by being so patient with all the craziness during the day. She's figured out how to suck on two fingers to sooth herself (Kevin and Heidi are both thumb suckers). We love her sweet smiles and hearing her say "Oh" to us. We've decided that she probably can roll over both ways, but she's pretty content just sitting there, so she doesn't really try. Sometimes she's gotten pretty close.

Heidi
Heidi is the girl with all the questions. Sometimes it's hard to be patient with the repetition because she asks the same questions over and over. Here are some of the ones we hear a lot these days:

• Why was the baby naked at the midwife?
• I was a baby in your tummy?
• Will the baby go back in your tummy?
• Where's the baby?

Honestly, Heidi is becoming quite the drama queen. She collapses onto the floor and cries quietly at the slightest provocation. She doesn't usually throw tantrums or cry loudly. It's not the worst parenting problem I've ever encountered, but there's something about the way she does it that sometimes catches me off guard and makes me feel so guilty that I just told her she has to go back to bed. Most of the time I can just ignore it, though. Other than that, though, she's really a sweetheart. She loves to help out in the kitchen. Today she helped me make bread and actually did a pretty good job of shaping the loaves and putting them in the bread pans.

Kevin

We are getting ready for Kindergarten. I am freaking out on an hourly basis. We have prayed and pondered a great deal about it and we feel that it is the right choice to send him to public school this year, but I'm really nervous that people will misunderstand him and he'll get labeled as a problem child because he's so active and can get very overstimulated. All-day kindergarten is the only option here, and they only get 15 minutes of recess every day. Every time I think about the different options, I feel like this is the right one, so the plan is to go forward with it and be willing to change if things aren't working out.

We got most of the school supplies yesterday. I asked Kevin if he's excited to go to Kindergarten, and he said he doesn't want to go because they'll make him sit with the other kids and he doesn't want them to touch him. Other times he seems excited. He probably has no idea what to expect. But he does like his backpack. He's been begging for a backpack for a couple of years. We were able to persuade him to get a nice black one instead of something cheap and tacky with superheroes all over it.

I've been reading a book called Playful Parenting. It's been really helpful to me and given me a lot of ideas about how to play with my kids and use play to help them with their problems. It's given me a more positive outlook on motherhood. One of the concepts that I have gleaned from the book is that there will be times when I won't get along with the kids, but the important thing is that I need to keep seeking opportunities to reconnect with them. It's helped me to notice more opportunities to create happy moments. One day we spent over an hour sitting on the couch while I told them stories about my childhood. Another time when Heidi was reluctant to take a nap, she was crying for a drink of water, so I brought in a cup of water and said, "Oh, you want a drink-o-rama?" It was just the kind of humor that she loves, and I heard her giggling for several minutes about how Mommy said drink-o-rama. I hope that the new perspective I have gotten from this book will last.

Utah 2014: Day 16

It's always a little bittersweet to leave after visiting family. Mostly we're sad to be leaving our family since we don't get to see each other very often, but after being away from home for two weeks we were looking forward to getting back into our normal routines again. Heidi was very tired and weepy from going without naps and going to bed late at night.

We got things packed and said our final goodbyes to Eliza and her family. We always seem to go home with more stuff than we brought, so we had to pack things strategically to get it to fit. (Ryan's pretty good at that after living out of suitcases [the same suitcases we are still using] for a significant portion of his mission.)

We used curbside check-in at the Salt Lake City airport and I waited inside with the kids while Ryan went and checked in the rental car. I was pretty relieved when he got back. The security people let me keep Ann Marie in the Ergo, which was nice because it was kind of a pain to put her in and out while using the infant insert (which she doesn't really use anymore). Once we got to our gate there was just enough time to fill up water bottles. Ann Marie was crying because she was quite hungry by this point, but I had to hold her off until we got onto the plane. It was kind of interesting, because several people tried to give me reassuring comments. I gave them the responses they were hoping for, but honestly I wasn't that concerned since I knew she was just hungry. After we got on the plane and she was eating it was just fine.

Vanessa, the teenage daughter of one of our friends, was riding the same flights as we were, so she sat next to me both times. She has four younger siblings, so she was a big help in a lot of ways. She listened very attentively to Kevin, helped us carry things, and held Ann Marie when I had to take the kids to use the bathroom.

On the plane in Denver, we learned that we would be waiting 25 minutes for a plane from Boise to arrive because this would be the last flight to Raleigh out of Denver. Once those passengers from Boise got onto our plane, we started taxi-ing away from the airport to take off. Unfortunately, while we were waiting for the Boise plane, there had been heavy rain, which is probably why there were 21 planes in front of us in line waiting to take off. So we waited another 45 minutes before we were able to take off. Since we were in the official taxi-ing area and the plane was sometimes moving, that meant that we were supposed to stay in our seats. When we were third in line and pretty close to taking off, I heard this conversation behind me:

Kid: Mom, I have to go to the bathroom really bad.

Mom: Well, you can't, because we're taking off in just a couple of minutes.

Kid: But I have to go really bad!

Mom: Well, I'm sorry, but I told you not to be chugging so much water.

Kid: But now I have to go REALLY bad!

I felt really sorry for both of them.

But we did eventually take off and it was mostly a smooth flight since we were leaving the bad weather. Heidi cried a bit because she was tired and restless, but overall the kids were really good. I got some reading done.

Vanessa's mom had offered to give us a ride home from the airport since she was picking up Vanessa too, so we loaded all of our things into her car and rode home. The plane landed about an hour late, so we didn't get home until about 2:00 a.m.

Ryan checked on our garden the next day, and I was really disappointed to find out that our tomato plants were not doing well. When we left, it was looking like we would have a lot of nice tomatoes about the time we got back, but a tomato blight had swept through the garden, and now the plants were not doing well. Two tiny tomatoes made it, but then some birds pecked them. So that was pretty sad. The fire ants have also been going crazy eating our cantaloupe. They ate an entire cantaloupe in 24 hours.

So that was our trip! What a great time we had!