Fourth of July breakfast

Our ward's tradition is to have a pancake breakfast (cooked by the bishopric) and a decorated-bike parade in the morning on the Fourth of July. This year was fun because the kids were actually able to ride their bikes and Kevin was interested in decorating his bike (which still has its decorations on it).

I made this fruit salad with honey-lime dressing and it was gross. I dumped all of the fruit in a strainer and rinsed it off in the sink because it tasted so bad with the honey on it. So if you see it on Pinterest, don't bother re-pinning.

Heidi and Tyler wanted to trade bikes. I'm not sure why because Heidi's tricycle is plastic and didn't work very well on the very slight incline they were riding up, and Tyler's balance bike was too tall for Heidi, but they both were having a good time.

Heidi can't reach the pedals on her bike, but she can get herself pretty far by walking her feet on the ground.

giant watermelon

Ryan and Kevin found this enormous watermelon at Costco and bought it. We already had an average-sized watermelon at home, so we measured both, and for reference, the circumference of this huge one was about ten inches longer than the average-sized one.

Copied from Ryan's Facebook wall:

Heidi wasn't sure what to think about the latest addition to our family, especially since it weighed more than she did. She was more than willing to take it to the kitchen to be properly dispatched.

The last picture is for all my Argentine friends. Oh yes I did. And I'm still alive. 

Heidi unsure of the watermelon. 

Was more than happy to take it to the kitchen. 

On the operating table. 

In surgery. 

For my Argentine friends. Yes I did, and I am still alive. 

Heidi Ann, age two

Heidi had her second birthday on June 23rd. To celebrate, we invited Jared and Kristi and their kids and our neighbor Neal over to help us eat a Texas Sheet Cake, which Ryan made. It was very tasty.

Heidi got a baby doll for her birthday. We went to Target to see what she was interested in, and it was a toss-up between a very soft stuffed dog and this doll. After thinking a lot about it we decided the doll would have a little more play value and bought it. Now Kevin wants his own doll and keeps trying to take Heidi's away, so I guess we know what he wants for his birthday next month. Heidi loves her new baby. At night she always wants to help her baby say her prayers ("I want Baby to Heavenly Father thank thee for this day").

Heidi is a sweet and fun little girl. She makes the cutest facial expressions and smiles. If she hurts somebody accidentally and they say ouch, she will kiss them where she hurt them and ask if they are okay. She is active, agile, and fearless, which means she hits her head a lot, but she is also resilient. People often tell me how amazed they are at the things she can do, especially climbing. She says a lot of words and often uses complete sentences. I don't know if other people understand her as well as I do, but she is very good at communicating. Here are some things she has been saying lately:

• "Myself, myself" or "Do it all by my SELF!"
• "Neen-up buddy" is a verb that means to clean up. (It comes from the Barney song--i.e. clean up, everybody everywhere.) She will either sing, "Neen-up buddy, neen-up buddy," or she will say, "I'm going to neen-up buddy."
• " 'Mere!" (Come here!)
• "Go away, Mom!" (For when she's mad at me. I'm not really sure where she picked it up.)

Heidi loves her pink blanket, her duck lovey, and all stuffed animals. In order to sleep, she needs to have a small blanket and a stuffed animal or her duck to hold. Now she also likes sleeping with her new doll. She also likes to have them to help her calm down when she is upset or hurt. Recently she has started coming to me with her blanket and duck and asking for "nungles" (snuggles). She also loves reading books and dancing to music.

Heidi is very interested in the potty, but she is working on overcoming the psychological association that she has with going in her diaper. I try to let her wear underwear at home so she can keep practicing, which has been resulting in a lot of accidents. She has had a couple of successes, though, and I think she will figure it out. Sometimes when she wants to try, she will say, "I want to have a acci-'ent (accident) in the potty." I do not think that word means what she thinks it means, but there's something awfully cute about the way she says it.

Heidi's hair has grown a lot recently. I'm suddenly finding that I have to fix it on a regular basis, which would be much easier if her comb would stick around for more than a day without disappearing. Her hair has a bit of a curl to it. I adore the little ringlet she has in back. If the ringlet wasn't there, I might have cut her hair a long time ago to even it out, but I don't want to lose that sweet curl. Whenever she gets her first haircut, I will probably get that piece and save it forever.

July and August are always rough months for me. Out of the blue I get inexplicably depressed for a day or a week. It's awful. I have been yelling at the kids way too much, and it's really hurting their feelings.

But this is the year when I figured out that it always seems to happen in July and August, and I have a few guesses as to why it happens. Every year I lose dear friends who I'm not sure how to live without, because that's what it's like when you live in a ward with mostly young student families who only stay for a few years. The friends who are left go on long vacations, or if they're still around they never come out to the playground because it's way too hot. On top of that I know that we will probably get about fifteen new families in a month or two, and I am scared to let them into my life. (Don't ask me why--I think it's an introvert thing, and I'm aware that it doesn't completely make sense, especially considering that they are always nice people and I always make new friends.) Then my family and Ryan's family usually have reunions of some kind, and if we can't go (which, between having two summer babies and using up our travel money to replace our car, has been the case every year we have lived here), I feel sad that we are missing out and not seeing all of these people who I care a lot about. Ryan also works more and I am not in classes, which means I am at home with the kids more than I have been used to, and that's a difficult adjustment. Then around mid-July I start becoming aware that the fall semester is approaching and in a few weeks life will become crazier because I will be in school again, which makes me worry. So that seems to be the recipe for Marcelaine's Summer Blues.

I need to figure out how to keep it under control this year. There's a lot about it that I can't control, because sometimes I just wake up sad and can't snap out of it. But I need to figure out my triggers and figure out how to avoid taking it out on my kids.

I am going to start following theorangerhino.com. She made a goal to not yell at her kids for 365 days and eventually made it. She has some great uplifting ideas that I can really use right now.

I need to make goals. When the house is a mess (which is often) and I feel like I am spending too much time on the internet, I am more likely to feel guilty and then I yell more. I think I need to take a few minutes each morning to decide what will be the priorities that day so that when I get a spare minute I won't feel overwhelmed by all the choices.

I need to plan a menu. The one mercy is that for some reason I made a menu plan for this week, which was WONDERFUL. There were a couple of really, really rough days this week, but at least at dinnertime I had some peace because I already knew what we were having for dinner. It's really hard for me to decide what to make for dinner if I'm depressed.

I am going to take advantage of Park Days each week, and I need to plan more play dates with friends. I get a lot more lonely during the summer when I don't see my friends as often, which makes me sad and irritable.

I'm not going to let myself feel guilty for turning on pbskids.org or a movie for the kids sometimes. Kevin gets a lot of benefits from watching a little bit of "TV" (on my computer, since we don't actually have a TV), and if it gives me some time to do something to get my sanity back, then great.

I am going to try to be a little more open with my kids about my feelings. I was amazed a few days ago at how sensitive they were when I told them I was sad and didn't know why. I think it might help if I say things like, "I don't want to yell--please help me not to yell," or "I am sad today and I need you to help cheer me up."

unspoken, but unequivocal, rules about food (as established by two-year-olds)

• If I didn't get to dip my food myself, and I remember after the fact that I wanted to do it myself, the food is unfit for consumption.
• If I want more than you gave me, but you insist that I must wait until I finish what I have, the food I already have is unfit for consumption.
• If I wanted to do the salt myself and you did it for me, I will not eat the food.
• If I refuse to eat my food, you are still not allowed to eat it because it's still MY FOOD.
• If my brother doesn't like his peas, then I don't like my peas either.
• I can only eat if I am leaning my entire body on the table, hanging mostly over the chair beside mine, with one foot on my chair for balance.
• It is unsafe to have a small crumb or smudge of sauce on my fingers, and you must immediately wash it off before something dreadful happens to me.
• Do not put the food straight into my mouth. I must hold it first.
• I am entitled to unlimited bites of your toast, even if I have already had my own breakfast.
• If there are grapes in the fridge, I deserve to eat them.
• Food tastes better if I'm eating it on the couch.
• If I don't like it, I will not tolerate its presence on my plate.

new point of view about Mary and Martha

A couple of weeks ago a sister in our ward gave a very enlightening talk, in which she quoted this speech given at a BYU devotional in 1991. I was especially touched by some thoughts shared in the speech about the Mary and Martha story in the New Testament, and I have been pondering them ever since.

"Let us turn now to a familiar episode in the Lord's life, recorded in Luke, chapter 10, verses 38–42:

" 'Now it came to pass, as they went, that he entered into a certain village: and a certain woman named Martha received him into her house.

" 'And she had a sister called Mary, which also sat at Jesus' feet, and heard his word.

" 'But Martha was cumbered about much serving, and came to him, and said, Lord, dost thou not care that my sister hath left me to serve alone? bid her therefore that she help me.

" 'And Jesus answered and said unto her, Martha, Martha, thou art careful and troubled about many things:

" 'But one thing is needful: and Mary hath chosen that good part, which shall not be taken away from her.'

"Those of us with more of Martha than of Mary in us have long felt that this rebuke is unjust. While we do not doubt the overriding importance of listening to the Lord, does the listening have to be done during dinner preparations? Would it have hurt Mary to have joined us in serving, then we all could have sat down to hear the Lord together? And furthermore, what about the value of our work in the world? If it weren't for us Marthas cleaning whatever we see and fussing over meals, there would be a lot of dirty, hungry people in this world. We may not live by bread alone, but I've never known anyone to live without it. Why, oh, why couldn't the Lord have said, 'You're absolutely right, Martha. What are we thinking of to let you do all this work alone? We'll all help, and by the way, that centerpiece looks lovely'?

"What he did say is difficult to bear, but perhaps somewhat less difficult if we examine its context. In the same way that the father in the parable of the prodigal son acknowledges his elder son's faithfulness, the Lord acknowledges Martha's care: "Martha, Martha, thou art careful and troubled about many things" (v. 41). Then he delivers the gentle but clear rebuke. But the rebuke would not have come had Martha not prompted it. The Lord did not go into the kitchen and tell Martha to stop cooking and come listen. Apparently he was content to let her serve him however she cared to, until she judged another person's service: "Lord, dost thou not care that my sister hath left me to serve alone? bid her therefore that she help me" (v. 40). Martha's self-importance, expressed through her judgment of her sister, occasioned the Lord's rebuke, not her busyness with the meal." (Parry, Catherine Corman. "Simon, I have Somewhat to Say unto Thee": Judgment and Condemnation in the Parables of Jesus.)

I have often struggled with the conventional interpretation of these verses. I tend to feel defensive of Martha, especially when people refer to "the Martha syndrome". It seems a little inconsiderate that everyone decided to have Jesus speak to them when Martha had to be preparing the meal and couldn't listen. It's interesting that I feel defensive of Martha, because I think I am actually more inclined to be like Mary--if someone was giving an inspiring message and I was needed in the kitchen, I would probably put it off as long as I could so I could hear the message.

So I appreciate this point of view. Who knows what really happened, but I like the suggestion that both Mary and Martha's service were acceptable before Jesus, and the real lesson here is that we all have different ways of serving Christ, and we also all have our own hidden challenges and weaknesses, as well as different talents, and because of that, it is wrong for us to make self-righteous judgments about others' ways of serving God.

I also appreciate the thoughts shared by Gregory A. Schwitzer in his talk, Developing Good Judgment and Not Judging Others. I love that he points out that she was a person of deep faith in Christ.

"Many Sunday lessons have been taught using this story which have cast Martha in a lesser position in terms of her faith. Yet there is another story of this great woman, Martha, which gives us a deeper view of her understanding and testimony. It happened when the Savior arrived to raise her brother, Lazarus, from the dead. On this occasion it was Martha whom we find going to Jesus 'as soon as she heard' He was coming. As she meets Him, she says that she knows that 'whatsoever [He would] ask of God, God [would] give [Him].'

"Christ then shared with Martha the great doctrine of the resurrection, saying:

" 'I am the resurrection, and the life: he that believeth in me, though he were dead, yet shall he live:

“ 'And whosoever liveth and believeth in me shall never die. Believest thou this?'

"She responded with her powerful testimony: 'Yea, Lord: I believe that thou art the Christ, the Son of God, which should come into the world.'

"How often has Martha been misjudged as being a person who cared more for the deeds of doing than for the Spirit? However, her testimony in the trial of her brother’s death clearly shows the depth of her understanding and faith.

"Many a sister has often heard the first story and wondered if she were a Mary or a Martha, yet the truth lies in knowing the whole person and in using good judgment. By knowing more about Martha, we find she was actually a person of deep spiritual character who had a bold and daring testimony of the Savior’s mission and His divine power over life. A misjudgment of Martha may have caused us not to know the true nature of this wonderful woman."

potty training thoughts

Sorry this is such a long post. Hopefully some people will enjoy it or be encouraged by it or something. I know someday I will probably enjoy reading about our potty training experiences.

This week I began thinking much more seriously about potty training Heidi. The main reason is that she has been all but begging for it for quite a while. She often throws a fit if we put a diaper on her instead of underwear, and she likes to sit on the toilet. She knows the entire process of climbing on the toilet, waiting, wiping, getting off, flushing, washing hands, etc. The only thing missing is that she is still used to going in a diaper, so she will go in her diaper and then want to go use the toilet, or she will sit and sit on the toilet and then go in a diaper. So she even recognizes her body signals, but she's a little confused about where she should go to the bathroom.

When Kevin was about two years old, I read Toilet Training in Less Than a Day by Nathan Azrin. Several of Ryan's sisters seemed to like the method, so I wanted to see what it was about. I knew when I read it that it would not work for Kevin, but there were many ideas in the method that I thought would be good for some children. I liked the emphasis on cleanliness and dry underwear, and that the goal is for the child to be able to do everything by himself. I was interested in the idea that if the child has an accident he has to practice running to the potty and sitting ten times (the idea being that having an accident is a huge pain and is to be avoided, and also to help the child remember to hurry when he has to go). I also thought that it could be a good idea to have the child drink a lot so that he could have frequent opportunities to practice. I still think they are good ideas. But I knew Kevin well enough to know that I would not be able to do this method with him.

As I was thinking about potty training Heidi, I decided to read the book again and see how I felt about trying it with Heidi. I still thought there were some good theories in the book, and I knew there were some things about it that Heidi would love, like teaching the doll to use the potty. (I also read Three Day Potty Training by Lora Jensen and hated it.)

Yesterday Ryan offered to take Kevin to Costco so that I could have a couple of hours to get started potty training Heidi. I had already bought all the supplies except for a doll that wets (we already have three dolls with cloth bodies and I would rather spend that money on something else). I decided to use the older doll for potty training and I would just make sure to get the underwear (but not the doll) wet when Heidi wasn't looking. So with much trepidation I decided to give it a shot. I wasn't really sure what to expect. I wasn't necessarily expecting her to be trained in a day, but I hoped that something about the method would help her make some connections.

As I was saying my prayers this morning, I was reminded of a section of my patriarchal blessing that gives some comforting words about my ability to teach my children. I was comforted by the reminder that I will have the help of the Holy Ghost to know what will best help my children to learn the things they need to know. I wasn't sure how things would go today, but I knew that somehow we will be able to help Heidi figure this out.

After Ryan and Kevin were gone, Heidi and I put underwear on the doll and I encouraged Heidi to drink some milk. When she was done drinking I asked her to give the doll a taste, hoping that it would encourage her to drink some more herself too. I tried a lot of different tactics to get her to drink a lot of liquid so that she would be able to go often. It didn't really work. Heidi is a very sensible person. She wasn't thirsty, and if I offered her a drink she would shake her head and turn away, with a facial expression that plainly said, "This is ridiculous. I'm not thirsty, so I'm not drinking!" It didn't make sense to her to drink when she didn't need to (can't say I blame her).

I taught Heidi how to check the doll's underwear to make sure it was dry, and when it was, we gave the doll treats like pretzels and crackers. I would have Heidi feel her own underwear too, and since it was dry she got to eat the doll's treat. Then I told Heidi that the baby needed to go potty, and Heidi quickly ran the baby to the potty. She didn't need any instruction about the process the doll needed to go through to use the potty. She quickly ripped the underwear off and put the doll on the toilet. I encouraged her to tell the baby she was a big girl and was doing a good job, and so on, and also to remind the baby not to put her feet and arms in the toilet. Heidi really enjoyed this part and spent quite a while potty training the doll, and also started training the new doll that she got for her birthday. It was really cute. She really didn't need any instruction from me because she understands the entire routine pretty well.

Heidi figured out pretty quickly that I had pretzels and animal crackers in my apron pocket, and when she would finish her treat for being dry she would often immediately come and ask for another one. I did my best to ignore her and emphasize that the treats were for keeping her underwear dry. She also sat on the potty several times, about half the time initiating it without me suggesting it, but she never actually urinated in the entire time that Ryan and Kevin were gone. She definitely has bladder control.

The book says that the entire time must be completely dedicated to potty training--even if the child brings up an unrelated subject you are supposed to direct them back to the subject of toilet training. If you're not doing the actual pottying behaviors, then you should be talking about it or else telling the child about all of the people they admire who use the potty. I did my best to do this, but I quickly realized that this just doesn't work with my personality. I'm not generally the sort of person to prattle about "stuff," and it just wasn't comfortable for me to talk about it all over and over again. Besides, Heidi clearly didn't need much instruction. Like I said, she understands the routine; she just needs teach herself to release in the toilet instead of her diaper. So when she asked to read books I gladly did so. If she hadn't sat on the toilet for a while I would sometimes suggest that we read books while she sat on the toilet, which helped her to sit there for longer periods of time.

By the time Ryan and Kevin got home I was pretty sure that following the method exactly was not going to work out for us. I don't think it fits well with the parenting techniques I use in general. I encourage my kids to be independent, to lead the way in how they want to play, and to figure things out on their own by observation or trial and error. I'm pretty hands off, and I don't micromanage them at all. So I think it seemed out of character for me to act like this when I'm not normally so involved and I don't normally give so many instructions.

Ryan and Kevin came home and said hi, then went out to the car to get groceries. While they were doing that, Heidi started begging for a diaper. I realized that she probably needed to urinate and expected that she would have a diaper put on so that she could go, like she normally does. When I responded that she is a big girl and now she can go in the toilet, she actually started to cry. I was very gentle with her, but I didn't put a diaper on her. About half an hour later she had a small accident on the floor, and as soon as it started happening she whimpered. Ryan brought her a wet washcloth to wipe up the floor, and she thanked him and used it to wipe up her legs. She didn't like the wet feeling on her legs (which is probably a good sign). Then she helped clean up the floor. We had her sit on the froggy potty so she could be with us. A few minutes later she peed in the froggy potty! I praised her a lot and gave her a treat. She was pretty pleased with herself.

It was naptime, so we put Kevin to bed and I put Heidi in a diaper. She did not want to take a nap, but I knew she needed one, so I let her cry. After her nap she wore underwear again. She sat on the toilet several times. Usually she would run into the bathroom and do it all herself (except for actually wetting or having a bowel movement). I didn't bother with the dry pants checks or pushing extra fluids. It wasn't working, and it wasn't what she needed.

I think our method for a while will be to put Heidi in underwear whenever we are at home, and to encourage her to sit on the potty when she seems to need to go and to clean up when she has wet accidents. She's so close; she mainly needs to learn to associate "going" with the toilet instead of the diaper. It's no small hurdle, but she'll figure it out. She wants to do it, and she prefers the feeling of underwear to a bulky cloth diaper, especially since she pretty much constantly has a diaper rash and underwear feels better against her skin. We'll see how this goes. I think it's interesting that the long method is what seems to be the best for our kids. Hopefully she won't be as resistant as Kevin was, and hopefully I can be a little more patient this time. Overall this morning was quite pleasant.

Kevin has also been making some strides in potty training. Tonight he pooped in the toilet with no prompting. He also did it a few days ago. He has had a lot of trouble figuring bowel movements out; I have cried many times after cleaning up the messes from the carpet. He has also started just peeing in the toilet without having to be told. Before, I would have him go before naps and before bed, and also if we were going somewhere, but he would never just go. He would just hold it. For the past week he has often been going unprompted when he feels a need, which has been great.

I will say this: If you need to be humbled, potty training challenges will probably help.